Wow! I can’t believe how long it’s been since my last post. Pre-lasik surgery and all! The summer has already come and gone, and I already feel behind heading into the beautiful fall season. Which, by the way, I am heralding in with open arms. I am sooooo tired of this ridiculously hot weather. Noob Baby has been dying to get out on the playground and terrorize the doggies and young folk, but the 90+ weather is holding us back. So, we just lounge around inside the house sucking on popsicles and shoot the shit.
Is it already time to think about Halloween costumes?? I mean, I already had my slutty [insert any profession here] costume planned, but what’s Noob Baby going to be??? Well, as I sit here thinking about candy corn and pumpkin spice lattes, I am staring at my laptop through 20/15 and 20/25 eyes. In layman’s terms, near perfect vision! In my left eye, I have superhuman vision: 20/15. So excuse me while I picture you naked….
And in my right eye, well it’s not quite 20/20 yet. I’ve been told to give it a month or two to see if my eyes equalize. If not, I can consider doing a Lasik touch-up to try and achieve 20/20 vision in my right eye. Hey, I wouldn’t mind being full superhuman … then all I need is a cape for Halloween.
So here’s a little breakdown of how the Lasik surgery went:
You have to go in for a few pre-surgery exams and consultations where your eyes are checked thoroughly. Lots and lots of: Is 1 better or 2? 2 or 1? You also have to wear your glasses for a week during this time (no contacts!) so that the shape of your corneas neutralize. On the day of the surgery, you are given a final check up to make sure all systems are go.
About 15 minutes prior to surgery, you’re given a happy pill – Xanax – to help you relax. Weeeeee!
The actual surgery time is very brief… about 15-20 minutes. You’re told to stare at some flashing lights as the doctor places a contraption over your eyes that keeps yours eyes open during the lasering. The “eye opener” was quite uncomfortable, but nothing unbearable. The actual laser is like a hot stinging sensation … to the point of uncomfortable… but again, not unbearable especially since it’s over so quickly. Almost immediately after the surgery, I could see better than without my glasses! I could see faces rather than just foggy blobs.
The next morning, I leaned over to check what time it was as I heard Noob Baby babbling on the baby monitor. And voila! I could see the clock clearly – 6:30! Miracle! I was able to see almost perfectly, although I had some discomfort in my right eye, think an eyelash in your eye. That discomfort went away within a week. During the following week of recovery, you are given two types of drops to put in your eyes (steriod and antibiotic). You also have to use eye drops every couple of hours as you will notice more dry eye than normal.
And at the risk of sounding totally superficial … I’m going to say that my biggest fear was that I couldn’t wear any eye makeup for a week post-Lasik or do any strenuous workouts. Luckily, I had my last day of my 30 Day Shred on the day of my surgery.
So that’s Lasik in a nutshell. Feel free to email or comment if you’re curious about any other aspect of the surgery. So far, it’s made my life so much more convenient. One less bedtime and morning routine to deal with. Sometimes I still think I have my contacts in at night as I head to bed. And I almost picked up a gallon of contact solution at Costco the other day. But then I thought, “Who needs a WHOLE GALLON of saline? That’s just way too much, even for a cyclops. Why is Costco selling saline to cyclopses anyway? Ooh ooh, samples!”