Just when I thought the coast was clear, and I could finally stop neurotically pressing my baby monitor button every 2 minutes…Noob Baby threw down her Miss Unpredictable card again. Similar to many babies, she is not the biggest fan of tummy time. Essentially, it pisses her off to the core. Most of the time, she ends up on her… Read More
What Does All That Crying Mean?
As a noob parent, it is totally confusing trying to figure out what the heck your baby wants when she’s wailing like a little banshee and you’re a mombie. Noob Daddy very proudly (though not productively) solved this problem by giving Noob Baby her bottle every time she squeaked. Problem solved, and now we have the fattest baby west of… Read More
Goodbye Medela, Hello Similac: The End of an Era
Breastmilk or formula? Probably one of the most controversial topics next to the Kennedy assassination. Well, as for me, I had to say goodbye Juggernauts at 2 months. I was really lucky that Noob Baby was great at nursing. She learned quickly and didn’t have any latch problems right from the get-go. I started pumping along with regular nursing at… Read More
Is My Baby Going to Be a Hunchback?
One common misconception: Your darling newborn will love her crib, bassinet, or other bed-like sleep location. As a naive mom-to-be, I had Noob Baby’s travel crib all set up and ready to go next to our bed. I figured that she’d sleep in our bedroom for the first 2 months or so, and then we’d transition her to her very… Read More
God’s Miracle Comes in a Little Package – No Silly, the Epidural!!
Tall? Grande? Milk or Lemon? Del Scorcho or Inferno? Drugs or No Drugs…. Hell, it’s 2008…I’d like a Tall Decaf Vanilla Latte with a shot of Epidural…yeah i said decaf…I’m having a baby here! For those of you wondering what it’s going to be like to get that Epidural….two words…God’s Miracle. Worth every penny. When the doctor told me I… Read More
Night 1: Why is my angel baby a demon baby?!
It’s 2 am, the visitors are finally gone…and not a creature was stirring….except for my sweet sweet, angel-demon baby! OMG…why is she crying bloody murder? My parachute hospital gown was starting to soak in sweat, but not out of fear for my baby, but rather, fear that the nurses were going to call Child Services and have my noob baby… Read More