I became a mother. I was confused, scared, tired, excited, overwhelmed, breathtaken and falling in love.
It’s incredible how many dramatic changes babies go through in the first year. It’s like the entire evolution of man all crammed into 12 months. From near blindness to semi-consciousness to rolling, slithering, crawling and finally bipedalism!
And me? Still pretty much the same a year later — confused, scared, tired, excited, overwhelmed, breathtaken and still… falling in love each day. (Ok, maybe I have learned a few survival tactics here and there to give myself some credit.)
You know how they say…the grass is always greener… Well, I think motherhood is the definition of that saying. If you’re a stay-at-home-mom like me, you often find yourself questioning if you made the right choice. Give up a blossoming or soon-to-be blossoming career? Most days you feel lonely, isolated, and a little bit resentful. At dinnertime, there isn’t a whole lot that you’re contributing to the “daily report.”
What happened today??? Noob Baby ate, pooped, and drooled on stuff. Good times.
Your entire day can go by where you don’t speak to one person over the age of 1. You could be in your pajamas with sweet potato caked on your face all day, breastmilk on your shirt, and your hair pulled back in a SCRUNCHIE! and there would be no adult witnesses to even give you a look of disgust! But maybe THAT sounds like a vacation to you. Right? No boss to boss ya, sweats and your old college T-shirt as your new work dress code. VACAY!
That’s what I’m saying. Grass is always greener people…
For me, it’s been hard adjusting to a totally different pace of life. I grew up with the nonstop pressure of striving towards one goal after the next – piano lessons, math class, dance class, clubs, good grades, college, career, etc. So when that train suddenly stops, you feel derailed.
But don’t get me wrong. I’m not ungrateful. Of course I am thankful that we can manage and provide for our family in these bleak economic times. I’m even more grateful that my husband supports me staying at home. He never put pressure on me to go back to work, and on the otherhand, he never “locked” me into this stay-at-home-mom gig either.
So what’s my point? Well, last night Noob Daddy and I stayed up watching old videos of Noob Baby. You really do forget how fast they change, grow and become little people with personalities. Noob used to be this blobby creature that would giggle every now and again and bat at her toys on occassion with zero coordination. Then “suddenly” she up and turned 1 on us! Now she’s using sign language to demand more food, more milk, more Cheerios. She says “hi” and “bye” and blows kisses. And everything in between? Well, luckily we video taped all that nonsense 🙂
My point is … yes, the grass is going to be greener on the other side. I will still wonder about my classroom, my students, and all my friends that are lining up their students for lunch right now. I may feel envious. I may feel unappreciated. And I will miss that pat on the back from my coworkers and boss.
And on the other side, moms will be daydreaming about staying at home, stacking blocks and filling sippy cups. They may feel envious. They may feel burnt out. And they will miss that giggle and hug from their noob.
A year has flown by in a blink. But I was there for it all.
I understand that now.
My grass is a beautiful green today.