Fact: Target Corporation COULD NOT survive without women.
Fact: Target is pure evil.
Another fact: You cannot walk into Target and leave with only the items you went in for. Don’t even be so delusional as to DREAM about it!
Target is a pure evil money-sucking genius. And hence, I wish I had invented Target (if a store could be invented).
That bullseye should be aimed directly at my forehead. Or my purse. Or my soul. Whatever.
I cannot name a single woman who can walk into a Target and leave only with the items she intended to purchase. No offense ladies. I will proudly raise my hand as one of these doe-eyed victims. Doesn’t matter what your income is, your intelligence, education, career, bust-size, weight, how white your teeth are, dating status, or age. Target does not discriminate (against women).
But it seems this phenomenon doesn’t affect men as it does women. Case in point: Noob Daddy. He can walk into Target, veer dangerously off course for a split second (usually towards that Entertainment/Media section), but somehow snap back to reality and head straight for the check-out. At which point he calls me on my cell, and I wander up sheepishly carrying “a couple” extra items (clearance Peeps from Easter, lint roller, deck of cards).
Now if you disagree with me, feel free to leave a comment. I could use some more test subjects. Or a financial hero for that matter.
So, I usually walk in with a pretty standard list, it may sound quite similar to yours:
- Soap
- Detergent
- Diapers
- Baby wipes
- Cereal
- Kitty litter
- Floss
- Toothpaste
- Ziploc bags
- Air fresheners
Sometimes there are a couple wild cards mixed in there that I am wary of… they’ll probably send me to parts of the store that I shouldn’t be visiting.
- Fun book for summer reading
- New toy for Noob
- Makeup (keep it vague)
But really most of the time I walk in with your average grocery list and I end up walking out of the store like a bruised boxer. Have you seen the movie The Wrestler? Yeah… like him. All washed out, old-battle scars, feeling totally jaded and used. Looking 15 years older than I really am. Just angry at the world.
I come out carrying these things:
- 2 new toys for Noob
- 1 sports bra
- pajamas
- pomegranate-scented candles
- cactus
- 11 miscellaneous kitsch items from the Dollar section
- Top Gun from the discounted DVD end-cap (because I’ve convinced myself it’s an oldie but goodie)
- new knife
- closet organizers
- Nature Sounds CD for meditating
- New Bestseller: How to Meditate
I bring this up because Noob Daddy and I were going over our expenses last night. And he’s like… “Whoooaaaa… what are we spending one-meelliooon dollars on at Target?!”
And I’m like “Whoooaaa…. one-meeellliiion? Really?? You don’t say.”
*haha-nervous-laugh-slowly-heading-to-the-kitchen-to-go-alphabetize-the-pantry*
And seriously, I have no clue. But it was probably some really cool stuff. Like super cool.
Target. You are a black hole. A black hole where innocent mothers and sisters and Nanas get sucked in and spit out like it’s nobody’s business. And we keep going back for more. You’ve turned everyday household wares into pure, 100% unadulterated crack.
I applaud you Target. Genius.
I used to say “$50 min when i go to Target.” i think it is more now. I have to have a list when i go to any store now or i forget half of what i went there for. Does anyone else go to target 2-3 times per week!?
Totally agree with you…that bullseye is a work of genius. can never exit those red doors without getting the extras!
Hi Noob Mommy, I just found your website and I love it. I’m a new mommy to a 3 month old boy and I’m also a teacher. Your post on Target made me laugh out loud. You are 100% correct and I do the same things! I also have to admit that aimlessly wandering the aisles of Target to calm myself. It is strangely therapeutic for me too. Thanks for the laugh, I’ll be checking out the rest of your site. 🙂
Hi Dana! Thanks for your comment and I’m glad you’ve stumbled here. Hope you’ll subscribe and stick around! Grats on your noob.
I have very little to no self control when it comes to that store and the funny thing is, I need that trip. Or at least I tell myself I do. There is some weird therapy involved in buying useless items, even when you know it’s wrong.
Leia – It is totally therapeutic for me to go to Target on my own. When Noob Daddy is home, sometimes I ask him to watch NB so I can go to Target and run our errands (aka wander up and down every aisle in total bliss) as a way to relax. How weird?!
Geez, I’m a total guy. I didn’t even know there was a dollar section at Target.
Oh my, we are one in the same, my friend, one in the same.
I hear ya!! My husband wants to send me to Target Annonymous!! I cannot walk out without spending 200!!
They know the “target” demographic is women. That’s why the womens clothing is visible from the door. Along with the jewelry, purses, etc. You walk through all that, then the sleep wear, to get to the shoes. Before you know it, you’ve got a bunch of stuff (you probably don’t need), and you’re not even half way through the store, and don’t have what you intended to purchase.
I too am very guilty of this, and have not met a women who is strong enough to control herself in that store.
Oh yes, the dollar section. Evilly placed right as you walk in the door. Then comes the women’s clothing section, naturally.
I always deviate from my planned list. There’s always something on sale!
I take a friend with me. A friend who shouts “NO!” at me every time I say “OOOOOooo!” I do the same for her. It works out….FAIRLY well…until one or both of us veto the “NO!”
It also nets us a lot of weird looks. Is it REALLY that unusual for 2 adult women to shout “NO!” at each other as if they were errant children?
I completely agree! Every time I go, I cruise through the $1 area and come out with 10 or 11 things that I really don’t need, but HAVE to have. Also, I could spend a ton in the sporty section there. They have great sports bras and athletic pants.
You cannot ignore the awesomeness of Target!
Personally I HAVE to scour the $1 area every time. Do I need what they have there? No, but it’s ONLY $1!!!
I totally agree with your theory Megan!
Completely agree. Super Target is the worst. Groceries plus all the other “essentials” = trouble.
I’ve uttered more than once I wish they delivered but that really wouldn’t help the pocketbook.
OhCountess and I are the same way. She goes in and calls me to help with all the bags. I go in and leave empty handed disappointed they didn’t have what I wanted or it was priced to high…go figure.
My theory on why the electronic section doesn’t suck the men in…
Their stuff is WAY more expensive! We can justify that we “need” all of those $1 items and that beach towel and that sun hat and that new body wash and that eyeliner and…well you get the idea. It is much harder for them to explain away the $300 Blu-Ray player or something similar.
I avoid Target at all costs… Just for that reason! I could redecorate my ENTIRE house at Target, even my garage!!!
I totally know what you mean! LOL at Top Gun, I love that movie!
Discounted DVDs….they’ll get ya….every time.