It’s 11:20 am on Wednesday, and I just climbed out from under the covers to write this post. Did you know that workout clothes really double nicely as pajamas? On MWF, I usually lift weights in the garage during NB2.0’s nap time, but I was in such a funk that I thought it might be better just to slip back in bed and hide under the covers, hoping that when I wake up, my Bed Time Machine will have either reset the week or fast-forwarded it. So, thank you Lululemon for my expensive (but comfy) sulking pajamas.
You know that moment when you just run out of things– solutions, strategies, rational behavior, coping mechanisms, feelings that you are a good parent, control, patience, empathy. Every play in the book has been tested and you don’t know how you’re going to win the game? Yeah that. Your kids have trampled all over you and the day has barely started. Your kindergartener shouts at you and already knows how to say hurtful things and then both your children throw tantrums in rapid succession. That’s the crazy workplace I’ve been going to for the past few months. The workplace where all of your colleagues are bitchy and irrational.
Have you had that moment when you decide you need a really good cry? You just needed to f*ckin Ferber that shit and CIO (cry it out). I did that. Cried like a baby. Just whimper-hyperventilate-sobbed and felt sorry for myself. When you’re with your kids though, you have to go do that silent really fast efficient cry in the bathroom so your kids don’t get creeped out and traumatized for life. Then you come out and say you have allergies… to your kids (ba dum chh).
I’m having that kind of week where I feel like everything is out of my control and I want to be nowhere near my children. I was thinking I might sugarcoat how that sounds, but truthfully, it feels that bad. I’m at my wits end. I’ve tried to reason and discipline and empathize and everything I can think of in between with my 5-year-old, but to no avail. My entire day is spent on discipline. Trying to find the successes to reward and celebrate has been damn near impossible. It’s the most mentally and emotionally taxing feeling. And I hate feeling helpless.
When Noob Daddy comes home, I want to unload and vent. I’m dying to have a rational, adult conversation. Yet, I can’t because the kids are there and when they’re finally asleep, I’m too drained to talk, and I don’t want to ruin his downtime either. You know what I mean?
So here’s my vent in a nutshell:
- I have a five-year-old who is about to turn 16 next month. She has the pissy attitude of a teenager. Noob “Baby” has decided that “no” should be the first word out of her mouth at any given time. She has also decided that she knows more than Stephen Hawking. She thinks she’s a multi-million dollar prosecutor. She has maybe two facts, but everyday she’s arguing a case in front of the Supreme Court. There is one moment in the day when she’s not in court – when she’s watching Frozen. That moment in the day when she’s watching TV and the house is quiet, is when my toddler is filling her mouth with every choking hazard not yet recognized by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Did you know that you can eat rocks and crayons at the same time? Did you know that when you’re two-years-old, the best time to take an epic dump in your potty training underwear is when Mommy is using the restroom. Synchronized shitting. Very new age.
- I have an almost two-year-old who runs at 50mph at any given time. She puts everything in her mouth. That is all.
So there you have it. Why I’ve been MIA for the last few months. Why I felt the need to hide under my covers today and CIO. I’m not a fan of feeling sorry for myself and venting on my blog when I don’t have any valuable advice to dispense, but to be honest, I feel a bit better. Let me just finish by saying that I know these problems sound very trivial. My life is filled with innumerable blessings to be grateful for, but sometimes these are just the things that overwhelm us and feel insurmountable at a given moment. Thank you for being my sounding wall today. Any parents out there feeling drained and could use a good hibernation? Sulk away in the comments section!