I love Christmas songs. So. much. In fact, they fall under the “I heart C things” category (ok, enough letter C jokes for those of you who have read my last few posts).
However, one Christmas song has always irked me in a weird way. I don’t hate it. I don’t like it. I tolerate it with curious wonderment. The song makes my mind run like a sixth grade boy’s. Or, a 4th & 5th grade boy’s mind for that matter (I was a teacher, remember?).
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
I always think… What a little ho (ho ho)
And seriously, Santa’s so old. So it’s like a Sugar Daddy thing? Is Santa like Hugh Hefner really? They’re both gray-haired, rich, and have lots of people hanging out at their pad. Well, I guess the elves are working more or less.
I suppose if you’re gonna seduce someone this holiday, might as well be the King of Gifts. Hellll yeahhh… Santa brought Mommy some blang. (This Mommy also happens to be the same one in “Santa Baby.”)
Underneath the mistletoe last night…
Was it entrapment? Where was this mistletoe exactly? Santa has just two stops after the chimney by my calculations – the tree and cookies. I mean, he has places to be.
I’m no mistletoe hanging expert, but doesn’t it usually go above some sort of archway? So MoHo (as I’ll call her) got Santa on his way to the cookies, or she set the cookies under the archway. It’s sick either way.
Hey, Santa… I got some milk to go with those cookies.
Eewww… I can’t believe I just went there.
Oh what a *laugh* it would have been if Daddy had only seen…
Welllll…. I’d agree to disagree with you kid.
Dad: WTF, woman? Cover yourself up. Ahh what the hell? Were you just tickling him underneath his beard. How come we never do that anymore? You’re always telling me how you’re so tired ever since we had the baby…
She didn’t see me creep down the stairs to have a peep…
What did I say about those 4th-6th grade boys, huh?
However, if she had seen him… he’d probably have benefited from the situation.
MoHo: Shhh… did you hear something? Oh, Timmy. It’s just you. Oh, Santa and I were just sharing some cookies underneath the mistletoe in the hallway here.
Timmy: Mommy, what are you wearing?
MoHo: Oh, these old pajamas? Uh nevermind… here’s your PS3… now off you go.
Timmy: Freakin sweet! Grand Theft Auto even?
On a side note, let’s not even mention “Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer.”
Anyway, sorry if I’ve ruined this song for you. I know, I can be such a teenage boy. *Giggle* Boobs. That’s what she said.