Noob Mommy Fact: I have six fewer teeth than the average adult. Besides chucking my four wisdom teeth, I had two permanents removed when I was a teenager to make way for my braces. You betta believe there was all kinds of crowd control issues happenin up in this grill.
Why the Noob Mommy dental trivia you ask? Well, I went to the dentist yesterday with this sick, sad feeling in my gut that I’d have another cavity. I “braced” myself for the news. Mathematically, though, I thought it wouldn’t be possible to have another cavity since I prrrrrettttty much have all my bases covered.
The bases:
1) Statistical probability of new cavity lower due to having less teeth than most homo sapiens.
2) Keeping a good dental regimen (including flossing and brushing regularly) for aforementioned fewer teeth.
3) Already have all viable surfaces filled w/either metal filling or sealant.
Oh wait… so I had a little miscalculation.
Is it possible for cavities to sublet? Because even my dentist was like, “Whoooaaa…I did not expect to see a cavity there. That’s just impressive.” And this was like 5 minutes after my hygienist showered me with praises about how well I care for my teeth.
So, my only conclusion is that my former cavities are now subletting their space.
Anyway, the filling is scheduled and I didn’t even question my dentist even though my X-Rays showed no signs of cavities.
Why? Well because I love my dentist, but I absolutely hate the dental experience. I just try to get the hell out of Dodge as soon as that chair hits the upright sitting position. All you see is my dust as I book outta there with that bib still clipped around my chest.
10 Random Musings on the Dentist’s Office:
1) Waayyy too many power tools in play. Waayyyy too close to my face.
2) I cannot stop visualizing this the entire time I’m there:
3) Why does the hygienist (whom I love because she is the sweetest) insist on asking me the deepest, most profound questions while my mouth is incapacitated? For example, “Soooo… how did you and your husband meet?” “What is the biggest lifestyle change since you’ve had a baby?” and “What is the hardest thing about teaching?” True story. You’d think she’d only ask Uh Huh or Nuh Uh questions.
4) Dental X-Rays. The most unpleasant experience ever. I gag pretty much every time. And I start hyperventilating because I think I can’t breathe. The X-Ray films can be likened to the same material as NASA Space Packaging:
5) Nails on chalkboard. Metal on metal. Metal on teeth. All physically repulsive.
6) My dentist’s magazine collection is as comprehensive as Barnes and Noble’s. It’s like Christmas when I walk up to the rack.
I can choose from my illicit reading (US Weekly, People, In Touch) to my facade literature (Parenting, Good Housekeeping, Fitness) or self-help (Cosmo, Elle, Allure). On days where I play Scholarly Noob Mommy, I reach for The Economist or New Yorker.
7) Pet Peeve: When you go to a doctor’s office and the magazines are dated back to your high school graduation or something. They’re all wrinkled and sneezed on, missing pages. Not to mention, when they put out the free “in-house” publications. It’s like Your Health made possible by Tampax.
8) The Goodie Bag. The hygienist called it that as she was putting it together. I giggled. And secretly, I wanted to go through the Treasure Chest instead. I think there was a fingerboard in there from what I could peep during our “Spiritual Conversations.”
9) There is no other worldly experience that can replicate the mouth suction. I have to open-and-close my mouth over and over because it’s scintillating.
10) The spit basin looks like a urinal. It flushes like a urinal too. But since I’ve never ACTUALLY seen a urinal THAT close…. I’ll leave it open for the men.
Anyway, there’s more randomness where that came from, but this post is getting way too long for just a random post 🙂
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