Of the many skills I learned as a teacher, there is one that I use everyday to fight crime and stop trouble in its tracks. It’s the skill of Supersonic Dual Vision … you know the one where teachers have eyes in the back of their head.

SDV enables teachers to hone in on note-passers, snack-sneakers, and other signs of trouble: but, I was only measuring the strength threshold of this ruler against Joe’s cranium, Mrs. T…

(Points given for use of academic vocabulary and application of math, point deduction for trying to fool the teacher.)

Here in the Noob household, SDV is utilized primarily against these two villains:

Wildebeest Von Fang (aka Softy) is pictured in cahoots with Dr. Noob Baby at undisclosed location.

SDV is particularly useful while at the computer, in the kitchen, or putting on makeup. The showdown usually pans out like this:

1. Noob Mommy engages in one of the aforementioned tasks.

2. Wildebeest Von Fang senses distracted NM and approaches NB in prowl mode.

3. SDV radar detects prowl and activates while NM continues to type this post w/o blinking.

4. NB squeals in delight as she hatches plan to preemptively attack WVF.

5. WVF positions herself next to NB and casually sniffs NB’s ridiculously alluring hair.

6. NB feels pleased that her hair has successfully lured WVF.

7. NB prepares to attack now hypnotized WVF.

8. Not so fast! SDV intercepts attack. NM whips head around and gives villainous duo the Teacher Stare. NB returns stare with feign look of baby innocence.

9. NB coos innocently and resumes position.

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