Noob Daddy is back at work today after a couple weeks of much much appreciated vacay. And by vacay I mean cleaning and dejunking the house, garage, and a few closets. It feels oh-soooo-good to start fresh and several pounds lighter of clutter. Now if only my tummy could say the same…
I hope you all had a beautiful and most decadent holiday. We certainly enjoyed watching Noob Baby open all her gifts from Santa this year. It turns out that Noob Baby Version 2.5 is way more into getting/opening/giving gifts than Noob Baby V 1.0. (Note to manufacturer – NB V1.0 only eats wrapping paper. WTF?)
The only problem is, NB thinks Santa will be stopping by throughout the year with more gifts that may have gotten lost in transit over Christmas. I, of course, explained very logically that Santa is now resting and needs to take a BIG nap. And while we’re on the topic, since Santa is taking a nap…. don’t you think you should be taking a nap too?? I have to say, I am getting pretty damn good at working the nap angle into anything we’re talking about. They should put me in charge of the new government agency called “Department of Completely Obvious But Still Somewhat Effective Tactical and Coercive Brainwashing Methodology for Juveniles and Infants and Toddlers and Cats”. It’s like propaganda town over here. Actually, I think there is definitely some money to be made here. I’m envisioning a whole line of posters for parents to hang up around the house focused on positive PR for Naps.
They’ll be like the posters at the dentists’ and doctors’ offices, except you put them up around the house next to your family photographs and fine art.
With life reseting back to normalcy, I’ve decided that keeping busy will be the key to keeping my sanity (FYI -In a few weeks, I’m going to follow up this post with a post titled “I Was a Damn Fool.”)
I’ve signed us up for a Mommy & Me preschool class as well as a ballet class. Then I’ll be taking a couple classes myself in the evening, with one being a Photoshop class. Hopefully in a few weeks, you’ll be seeing less lameness (refer to above) and a ridiculous amount of coolness.
Here’s how I envision my first day of Photoshop class:
Instructor: Good evening. Today I will be showing you how to edit your photographs and apply a multitude of effects to enhance the quality of your photos. You will leave the class knowing how to apply a Gaussian…
Me: *Clearing throat loudly* But can you tell me how to superimpose my cat’s head onto my baby’s body with the headline above reading, “Noob Baby and Noob Kitty Involved in Freak Time Travel Accident”?
Instructor: Umm… *eyes narrowing suspiciously* And we will also go over adjusting the brightness in your landscape photos.
Me: … I’m particularly interested in designing a poster with me, Angelina Jolie’s body, Rob Pattinson, and maybe one of those rubber stamping effects.
(Nudging the elderly gentleman next to me) And what is the deal with the magic wand, right? Can you say pain in my …. (glancing at his photograph) Whoa buddy, you’re gonna need to apply a few more layers of soft focus on that sucker right there.
Luckily for me the instructor, I can drop the class after the first one if I decide I’m already way too advanced in my Photoshop practicum. Maybe I should print out some of my old blog post photos and create a tasteful portfolio to present the instructor on the first day. Just a sampling… an appetizer if you will. I certainly don’t want to show him up.
If you have a favorite Noob Mommy blog photo, please let me know. I’ll be sure to include it in my portfolio.
Great blog – you are very funny! I remember reading you are in LA somewhere. I am also trying to learn photoshop – did u find a good class?
Your writing is great- very funny. I also have a 2.5 version, but my third, not a noob :). She hasn’t taken a nap in probably 6 months, except for one day when she slept from like 2-3:30, but then was up until 11:45 that night. So I chose the lesser of 2 evils. 5:30 pm crabbiness as opposed to me being more tired than I already am. Hope you have better luck!
Noob Mommy says
Regina – Thanks for the comment. Lesser of two evils for sure! 11:45 that night?! OUCH.