Yes, this is when you suddenly feel jumped, possibly shanked, into the rough-and-tumble, nitty gritty hood of …. parenting. What they forgot to tell you in parenting class 101:

Your baby is going to transform from that sweet, quiet, sleepy ball of dough into a crazy crying maniac when all the visitors and nurses have retreated. Was she hungry? I wondered. Well, she had just nursed an hour ago. I was still naively thinking that babies will nurse typically every 2-3 hours. Diaper was ok. WTF then?

Noob hubby jumped to attention and initiated the 5s Sequence -for those of you who remember Dr. Karp from your parenting classes: Swaddle. Side. Shush. Swing. SUCKKKKKK! Well, it turns out the last one does it…sucka! This is what they should have told you straight up in parenting and breastfeeding 101. “Yes, your body can make enough C-O-L-O-S-T-R-U-M, but your baby is going to hate you until the real thing comes in!” All I kept hearing in every single class was how our bodies have enough milk for the baby….the baby’s stomach is only the size of a marble…and on and on. But in all reality, my baby was not happy with the “Virgin Colosa.” She wanted the real s–t. Hence..initiate baby meltdown mode.

Well, I finally had the courage to buzz the nurse and ask her what the hell was going on? Was my baby starving? Did I break the baby already? She finally told me what they should have told us in those classes.

Parents-to-be….heed this warning: It’s ok. Your baby will be hungry and grumpy as hell. And even though you may have enough colostrum, noob baby will be totally unsatisfied. Therefore, there is the option of getting supplemental formula from the nurse should you so choose to enter that controversial, guilt-laden territory for just a few nights until Mommy’s milk comes in. Basically, till the s–t blows over. Although, I have to guess having baby go at it incessantly for the first few nights probably does help Mommy’s milk come in faster.

Anyway, I was soooooo wanting to get just a tiny shmidge of formula for our daughter. They even came in these little pre-made bottles. Just screw on the nipple and go! But, I have a pretty strong-willed hubby, and my conscience was still mulling over all the evils of formula. So, we pressed on through the next night as well, knowing full well that our poor baby was just a hungry-sucky baby.

Let me just say that the one blessing that I didn’t expect was when the nurse came by to give Noob Baby her blood screening. Oh yeah, the nurse rolls in with her bloodwork cart and these sweet little pods of baby “crack” (really just sugar water) that they dip the pacifiers in to help soothe baby while she’s getting her heels pricked. OMG…that sugary sweet pacifier lulled my baby to sleep for at least 2 hours where I was finally able to drift off into dreamland. Babies love that sugar water…and you’ll see the identifying markings of these babies as they leave the hospital in Mommy’s arms happily sucking away on their green Soothies pacy. I say bah! to those who tell you never a pacifier before your baby has firmly established breastfeeding. Remember, babies have an innate sucking reflex and need to suck when they are born. So unless you plan to be a human pacifier, it’s ok to give your baby a pacifier between meals.