Blogzilla and Other Therapeutic Admissions

As you might have noticed, Noob Mommy looks a little different lately. Thanks to my OCD, Type A “analness,” and apparently recently developed blogzilla disorder, I gave the ever-so-sweet and accommodating Jennisa, from Once Upon A Blog, a heck of a time redesigning my blog.

If you’re looking for a blog makeover, she’s so easy to work with and super flexible. Thanks for putting up with me, Jennisa!

Well, until Blogzilla rears her head again with my blog pretty much back in order, I’m ready to get back to business…

And by business, I mean… I need to get something off my chest. I’ve been holed up for the last week reading the Twilight series. Yes, a little late, Noob Mommy. That train left the station like a year ago (or maybe 3 years ago if you’re a so-called Twi-hard).

I admit, it was quite hard to stomach being the Mommy on the Twi-train filled with tweens and Twiger Beat all-stars. But, my sister is a good motivator (she’s the recurring bully in those PSA peer-pressure commercials).

Me: I dunno. Evvvvverrryone in the blogosphere is reading Twilight. I think I’ll choose to be different.

Bully Sister: What the hell is the blogosphere? Anyway, get off your a$$ and freakin go watch Twilight with me. Trust me. Edward Cullen will make you cry, he’s so hot. Oh yeah, and I’m gonna punch you in the ovaries if you don’t.

Me: Well, if you put it that way…

*she punches me in the kidney instead*

…after the movie…

Me: OMG! Like… seriously…could Edward Cullen be any hotter. He’s a Greek God.

Bully Sister: He’s the sweet nectar of the Gods actually. *Smug look. The one all bullies get when they’ve stolen someone’s lunch money*

Me: Hey, so do you think it would be weird for me to get Noob Daddy some topaz contacts and ask him to gel up his hair and lurk-stalk-angst around the house?

Bully Sister: Yes. Weird.

Me: Hmm… then I’ll just ask him to hum me Debussy every night. Or a lullaby.

(shyly rubbing toe in the ground)

So, I was thinking… maybe I should borrow your copy of Twilight. Um, Noob Baby loves vampire stories.

Bully Sister: It’s already under your pillow… next to the bloody horse head.

…a week later…
…three books later…
…another trip to see Twilight later…
…a purchase of a Twilight-photoshopped-face-birthday-cake, Twilight soundtrack, Twilight score, and Edward Cullen 6’0″ cardboard cut-out later….

Pictured here: Two mature adult women capable of plowing down some teenage girls to get to Edward Cullen.

Pictured here: Bully Sister

Bully Sister had a fabulous birthday, and I have sort of a Twilight “thing” slash addiction. It’s wrong that I’ve joined almost all Edward Cullen related Facebook groups, right? Such as:

• I Have Trouble Dealing With the Fact that Edward Cullen is Fictional
• Because of Edward Cullen, Human Boys Have Lost Their Charm

Well, thank you dear blog readers for letting me get this off my chest. I guess you didn’t really have a choice though, heh 🙂

Trust me… this post has been quite therapeutic. So, until our next session… I will be in self-preservation mode, sunbathing in Isle Esme, envisioning pillow feathers and broken headboards. Good day.

Related Reading:
Thank You Angels of the Academy