My Camera Confessional

A bubbly afternoon

About two weeks ago, I sort of weaseled my way into a “club.”

Unfortunately Fortunately, I’m not talking about the kind of club where you have to wear a “dress” cut down to your hoo-ha to get in without a cover AND you have to happen to know the DJ’s cousin’s girlfriend’s nephew’s cousin, Theo. Sorry to disappoint, because now that I think of it, envisioning myself trying to get into one of those clubs would make for a much more compelling blog post.

What I did do, though, was sneak my way into a Member’s-Only kind of Secret-But-Not-So-Secret-Society-and-Actually-Slightly-Elitist-and-Annoying Club. You have to bear the mark to show that you’re in. Or rather, you have to fork over some dues and “buy the mark” to show that you’re in this club.

I’ve wanted this for awhile, curiously coveting the possibilities of what this membership would bring.

Fame? Possibly. High Rolla? Balla, Shot Calla? Welllllll….. Confusion and headache? Ok, yeah… that one.

I will now reveal (and thank you for sticking with me through that ridiculously long and drawn out “club” analogy) that I have been inducted into the Fancy DSLR Camera Club, or in layman’s terms, I am now one of those annoying people who wield their huge zoom lenses and photograph a cloud reflection off a water droplet on a piece of pollen or a tiny fragment of sloughed off skin-dust floating through the air.

It turns out there are two types of people who own a fancy camera.

The ones who know how to use them, and the ones who are TOTALLY ACTORS. Can you guess where I’m going with this? Hey, Academy, it’s spelled N-O-O-B M-O-M-M-Y when you’re getting the inscription done on my Oscar, ok?

So that’s why I said, I sort of “weaseled” my way into the club. Here are a few sure signs of a fancy camera actor:

1. Lots of dials turning and clicking at questionable times (i.e. prior to a pretty straightforward shot)
2. Vigorous cursing under the breath after a shot.
3. Lots of inappropriate use of flash.
4. 90% of photos turn out 90% blurry.
5. It’s possible all the subjects in the photographs are ghosts or other supernatural creatures.
6. Severe motion sickness ensues after viewing photos. (Refer to #4)
7. The photographer begins to justify why three eyes are better than two.
8. The lens cap is still on, yet you definitely hear photographs being taken.
9. The photographer has discovered the Blair Witch Project exposure setting.

Guilty. As. Charged.

But you know what. That’s why I say it’s acting. From afar, everyone thinks you’re totally legit when they see that camera. And as soon as you bring your eye up to the viewfinder …. Sold. Done deal. The Oscar is yours.

Ok, so the point of this whole post (besides trying to come clean and fess up to being a total fraud) … is to forewarn you guys, my loving and loyal readers, that I’m going to try and post more quality pictures here in the future. And hey, if they look shmancy, you’ll probably see that I’ve attributed it to someone else who is the real deal over at Flickr.

What finally pushed me to break it off (at least for now) with our point-and-shoot Canon? Well, I think I’ve missed out on way too many could-have-been photos of Noob Baby. Anyone who’s tried to take a picture of a toddler knows that they are impossible to photograph.

They’re like the Tasmanian devil.

I discovered this when I was taking my Photoshop class. There was only so much I could do with a photo of Noob Baby’s back. And with a bit of peer pressure from my fellow Photoshop class colleagues, I was well on my way to an expensive rewarding hobby. [Here is where I mention that I have the best husband in the world. He who supports me through all my hobby ADD.]

Hey, if you’ve got tips for me, recommended reading, or websites and blogs I must visit … please share! I’ve already got stacks of books checked out from the library – Photography for Dummies, DSLR for Dummies, It’s a Camera You Dummy, and You Don’t Deserve That Piece of Expensive Equipment, You Dumb Dummy. Or, if you are a Fancy Camera Actor like me and just want to confess, here’s your chance. Fancy DSLR Camera Club now accepting new members!