You know you’re a noob parent when you can’t remember any daily events anymore except for baby milestones. I cannot for the life of me remember what I cooked for dinner last night or what “wild” adventure we had last weekend. But I’ll never forget the week I spent with my stomach in knots as we sleep-trained Noob Baby. And I’m still mentally GPSing every public restroom at all my fav “hot spots” (i.e. Target, Costco, Nordstroms, Macys, the library) because of our most recent potty training hurdle milestone victory.
Now I just use these milestones as a point of reference for remembering other things in my life.
When was So and So’s wedding?
Oh yeah, around the time Noob Baby started eating solids.
Well since we’ve just recently passed another milestone, I now have one more memory marker for the blur that makes up my life nowadays. I won’t deny it. This milestone left a few of us (those named Noob Mommy) with some PTSD.
[Drumroll] … Noob Baby gave up her Binky (or in normal human speak – “pacifier”).
Noob Daddy and I had been talking about it casually since her last dentist visit six months ago. But since El Dentisto passed her with flying colors, I was secretly relieved that we could keep Binky around for a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bit longer to save us all some mental anguish.
Basically, I was like… It ain’t over till the Macked Grill singz…
… and fast forward to a couple weeks ago… sure enough … the Macked Grill sang.
Or rather, the dentist started speaking Dentese (that’s linguistics for denstist talk) to me …. mwa mwa mwa cross bite mwa mwa …. macked up grill … mwa mwa mwa… no more Binkys mwa mwa… your life is about to become hell Noob Mommy… mwa mwa. [End Dentese]
I vomited a little in my mouth.
Now don’t get me wrong, Noob Baby isn’t one of those kids that walks around with her binky 24/7. She only uses at naptime and bedtime. But a crackhead is a crackhead, right? OH NO SHE DIDN’T!!
Let me just interrupt myself by mentioning that there are much more dare-I-say “humane” ways to ditch this addiction besides cold turkey. But again, you are reading Noob Mommy blog, where the new, more apropos motto is “Where hindsight is 20/20.”
Obviously, we ended up in the Cold Turkey scenario.
So here are a couple “HRW (Human Rights Watch) Approved Binky Addiction Breaking Techniques” for parents who think cold turkey is cruel and unusual punishment:
1) You can cut a little hole in the pacifier so that that the air is released from the “bink” (I totally made that up to avoid calling it a nipple) thereby making it less desirable. Every other day or so, enlarge the hole till your noob willfully decides the Patch is weak sauce and gives up smoking binking on her own accord.
2) If you’re into dramatics, some parents like to gather up the binkies and bring them to the toy store where Noob gets to trade them in for a new toy. Tip the sales person a fitty and maybe he’ll throw some confetti and release balloons.
3) Binky Fairy. Similar to the tooth fairy, leaving behind a wonderful toy.
4) If you’re into melodramatics, gather up the binkies in a box and bury them in the backyard. Some parents like to say a few words and share some happy memories.
5) I totally made up #4 and it actually gives me the heebs.
In all seriousness though, going cold turkey isn’t the end of the world. Noob Baby was a total champ. She rationalized the whole process like an adult, which shocked-slash-weirded-me-out. She would tell us, “Dentist said no binky,” as she struggled to fall asleep for the first few days. I could hear her on the baby monitor reminding herself out loud as she feel asleep. Me? I about killed myself. Her? Fine the next morning.
Like I said, I was left with more PTSD than Noob Baby.
The one MAJOR EPIC downside of this whole thing is that she has pretty much stopped napping since then. Can you believe it? I think it’s a travesty GLOBAL CRISIS and obviously any full-time stay-at-home parent will tell you, NAPS ARE FREAKIN SACRED.
Well, you win some and you lose some. If you’re getting ready to ditch the binky, I wish you the best of luck! Here’s to another successful milestone met. Check.
I KNOW THIS IS LATE BUT…I just read this amazing tidbit! I have been religiously utilizing your blog to help me do all kinds of things with my monster (who is now almost 2…*TEAR*)…She is one of those rediculous children with her dudu (that’s what we call it) in her mouth all day!!! I know, embarassing, right? I am so that mom!! How old was NB when you did this??? I have eliminated the bottle and that went great, no problem at all with that transition (shocking)…I am now working up the courage to get rid of the dudu or start potty training…I don’t know if I should do one or the other first…ANY SUGGESTIONS???
Marlen – Thanks for your comment! Gosh, those are two big tackles coming up. I would go with whichever is impacting you the most at the moment. IMO, potty training is a longer process. And if she is not even two yet, you still have some time for potty training. The dudu may be a good one to do while she’s still younger. Potty training between 2-3 is very typical! Good luck!!
Thank you for your Blog, it made me feel less like a dragon lady having my little Mr. go cold turkey on the Binky.. You are right though, it really is like a drug addiction.
For all others out there looking to ditch the dummy cold turkey, just keep breathing. The first 24 hours were insane. I started the rehab at the beginning of his night sleep sessions, with about 34 minutes of crying. I knew all was well, as I had ticked all the boxes. After his little tantrum, he slept for 5 hours (usually i was getting up every 2 hours to settle him again as his Binky fell out). We are still into our first day with no Binky, but his sooking before bed time is down to 2 mins, and even then its more just voicing his disapproval. I have also coupled this with the routine, mostly to reassure me that he isn’t crying because he is hungry or tired (I second guess myself when I see his crying signs). I knew being a Noob Mum would be hard, but didn’t know that getting advice would be just as difficult.
So thank you Noob Mommy, your blogs have been a god send.
this website is awesome! i love reading your commentaries on things that are going on with me as well. it’s reassuring that everyone goes through these things and is also full of doubt sometimes, just like me! my 5 month old uses a soother for naps and bedtime, and it works awesome. she goes down within a minute or two for naps with her soother, and she’s not too bad at bedtime either. lately she’s been waking in the night and i don’t think she knows how to fall back asleep on her own. we are feeding her at about 1230-130 am, but then she goes until 9 am before she complains of hunger, so i know we COULD be sleeping through the night (maybe from 11-7? that would be heavenly….) . any suggestions for us? i am reluctant to try sleep training without the soother because it works so well for us, but in the back of my mind, i know i have to do something to help her fall asleep on her own in the middle of the night. i know you did sleep training, but you also are writing that you had given up the soother, so how did you do both? thanks so much for the help 🙂 your blog is hilarious by the way…. i’m going to send it to the rest of my “noob mom” friends 🙂
dlpmommy’s garlic suggestion reminds me of how I finally weaned my son off nursing: lemon juice on the binks (er…nipples). so if you’re out of garlic, lemon juice might work. just don’t mix both garlic and lemon juice, otherwise all you’re missing is greek spice for some yummy souvlaki marinade.
oh–and the naps might come back. they did for my kid. he dropped them like they were hot, and then a few weeks later, started up again. fingers crossed for you!
Congratulations on the binky! It was just like described a dreaded event for all in the family. We tried rationalizing with ‘giving the binkies to the new cousin baby’ and ‘traiding for the big truck in toy store’, that was all ok until the next time we would go ‘lets do it today’ – the binky got saved many times! So, i chose garlic… dipped all binkies in meshed garlic. DS not only did not care for the taste, he completely and forever refused to touch them saying they were bad! It was a rough few days with naps, now i stay in the room with him laying next to his bed until he is asleep, but we kept our naps!
DLPMommy – Thanks for the comment! Dipping them in garlic! Now THAT is the way to go 🙂 Delish!
Wow, congratulations! That’s a BIG step! Too bad about Noob Baby not napping anymore, I can’t even imagine how tired/about to lose your mind you must be when you put her to bed!! I’m still dreading the day when we say goodbye to blinky (a.k.a choopy or “the choops”), but that day is coming, and it will be very, VERY soon… will we be THAT successful???