Photo by Paul Sapiano
After venturing to all ends of the earth… from the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro to the snaking mouth of the Amazon; from the worn steps of the Great Wall to the barren sands of the Outback… I have concluded that all parents really want to know one thing, and one thing only… *drumroll*
How do I get my baby to sleep through the night?
Well, Grasshopper, you have come to the right place. I plan to share what I’ve learned from Dr. Richard Ferber’s book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems. You may have heard of Ferber, the notorious Cry-It-Out creator who no longer wishes to be known as the CIO guy. He’s kinda like Prince (TAFKAP), but the TAFKACIOG version (the artist formerly known as cry it out guy).
His sleep training is very well known in the parenting world (but often incorrectly applied and therefore misunderstood). However, after having survived this myself, I highly recommend it. If you break into a cold sweat at the thought of having to put your noob down for bed, then you you’ll want to get this book. If you’d rather give birth thrice over sans epidural, instead of having to rock your old lump of coal to bed/nap/and the like for the umpteenth time, then his book is for you.
Does your noob really have a sleep problem?
Little ones (5 months +) who are not able to soothe themselves and fall asleep or fall back to sleep on their own probably have a sleep problem. If you are rocking, nursing, standing upside down with one leg at 35 degrees, or holding your breath until baby is asleep, then this may be for you. And if you find yourself going in to soothe your noob several times a night (so many times you’re actually embarrassed to tell anyone the real number), then I’m afraid to say, you might have some dirty little sleep habits brewing.
When can I start to Ferberize he-who-shall-not-sleep-through-the-night?
TAFKACIOG states that at 3-4 months, most full-term infants should be “settling” in, and you may consider preparing for his Progressive-Waiting Approach (known on the streets as Cry It Out). By 5-6 months, you should probably be taking definite steps to address your baby’s sleep problem.
Keep in mind that sleeping through the night depends on when your baby goes to bed and how old she is. For example, by 5-6 months, babies can go at least 10 hours without a middle of the night feed, if the baby is at a healthy weight (or without special needs).
The Big Warning, Disclosure, and Pep Talk
First, take a couple shots of the hardest liquor you can find – the kind that’ll put some hair on your chest. Spam your neighbors with lengthy letters of apology (include bribe money). Purchase NRA-approved ear muffs for yourself and possibly your neighbors. Then crumple up into fetal position holding onto that bottle of liquor and cry like your baby.
You’re going to hate yourself. You’re going to think you’re an awful, cruel, heartless parent. You’re going to cry Uncle, want to give up after the first 30 minutes, and make up excuses as to why this was a terrible decision. As a Sleep Training Survivor (and there really should be some fancy medal parents can wear after going through this), I know that it’s the hardest thing to hear your adorable, helpless flesh and blood crying … in their crib… all alone. It blows. But… and there’s a big BUT. The rewards are so worth it.
Right after we finished sleep training Noob Baby, we could put her down in the crib and walk away with just a sweet little kiss goodnight. She would babble and talk to herself for a few minutes before drifting off to sleep on her own. We didn’t have to tiptoe around her room like burglars. I was able to get … now wait for it… at least 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night.
Inevitably, someone is going to tell you that you’re a terrible parent for doing this. To them I say, have you read the book and tried it as Ferber recommends … not how you think it should be done? You might hear someone say they left their noob in the room all night to cry without checking on them. Well, that is NOT how the training works. Instead of listening to the misinformed, I suggest you find someone who is going to be supportive and knowledgeable. Make your hubby or wifey be the rock when you feel you’re about to throw the whole thing out the window after day one. Luckily, Noob Daddy was there to encourage and comfort me. I left him with the Ferber book and allowed him to take the reigns when I thought the war had been lost. Trust me, I’m so ridiculously Type A. Allowing anyone to take over was very very difficult.
Just when I thought I had caused some permanent damage to my precious little sleep monster, I’d find her giggling and beaming at me the next morning.
She seemed, dare I say it, happy! There were definitely no hard feelings. After just a few days of sleep training, everyone in the Noob household was already displaying signs of true, restful sleep.
Preparing for the Progressive-Waiting Approach (commonly known as Cry it Out)
- For the first few days, pick a starting bedtime that is no earlier than the usual time your child falls asleep. It’s ok for bedtime to be a little later than his usual bedtime. Moving this start time later will help him fall asleep more quickly, but don’t move back his wake up time.
- Put your child into the crib or bed awake, in the place you want him to be sleeping. No rocking, swinging, etc. He should fall asleep under the same circumstances that he will wake normally during the night.
- When he cries or calls for you at bedtime or upon waking up at night, check him briefly at increasing intervals (see chart below for guidelines, but you can adjust the minutes to your own comfort level). Do not spend more than one or two minutes with him when you check in. Your job is to reassure him, not to help him stop crying or fall asleep. You may replace a fallen blanket or toy, but only once.
Number of Minutes to Wait Before Responding To Your Child
Day 1 - 3 min (1st wait); 5 min (2nd wait); 10 min (3rd wait); 10 min (subsequent waits)
Day 2 – 5 min; 10 min; 12 min; 12 min (subsequent waits)
Day 3 – 10 min; 12 min; 15 min; 15 min (subsequent waits)
Day 4 – 12 min; 15 min; 17 min; 17 min (subsequent waits)
Day 5 – 15 min; 17 min; 20 min; 20 min (subsequent waits)
Day 6 – 17 min; 20 min; 25 min; 25 min (subsequent waits)
Day 7 – 20 min; 25 min; 30 min; 30 min (subsequent waits)
- When you reach the maximum number of minutes to wait for a night, continue to leave the room for the same interval – no longer – until your child falls asleep while you are out of the room.
- I grant you permission at this point to curl into fetal position and curse like a dirty sailor.
- Dr. Ferber says that by the 3rd or 4th day, your child “will most likely be sleeping very well. If further work is necessary, continue following the chart down to day 7.” If there is still improvement after that, continue by adding a minute to each interval on successive days. *If things are not improving or are getting worse, you may have to rethink your approach.* He discusses alternatives in another section.
- If your child wakes during the night, restart the schedule from the first waiting time and work up to the maximum.
- Continue this routine after each waking until a time in the morning (usually 5 or 6 am) after which it is unlikely your child will fall back asleep. Do not let him go right back to sleep in another room. If he’s still asleep at his usual waking time in the morning, wake him up.
- Naptime: Use the same waiting schedule for naps, but if your child hasn’t fallen asleep after half an hour, or if he is awake again and calling or crying vigorously, end the nap. He may fall asleep on his own in another room, which is fine initially, as long as he does it by himself without the associations you are trying to break. However, don’t let the amount of napping time increase to make up for the sleep he lost at night. Also, don’t let naps run so late (past 4 pm) that they will interfere with falling asleep at night.
- Keep a record: Follow your schedule carefully, and chart your child’s sleep patterns in detail. This is a great way for you to visually see the progress when you feel like everything is shit. Seriously.
This was just an excerpt from Dr. Richard Ferber’s book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems. If you have an older child who sleeps in a bed, or if your baby sleeps with you, refer to the book for more detailed solutions. I hope this brief, but-not-so-brief, guide helps you as you start sleep training your noob.
If you found this post helpful, share the love and purchase your own reference copy of the book here:
try Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. By Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He has a few different methods you can try. The key is just suffer through it. It may take a few days, but eventually, she will sleep on her own! Good Luck! (and cute blog!)
Well, I actually started doing the ferber method on Friday! Its going pretty well actually. Very HARD at first, but it gets progressively better. Its SO wonderful everytime he falls asleep by himself. No more rocking for me! Are you still debating whether or not to try it?
I have been doing the Ferber method with my 9 month old son and it’s going well at night but not so well during the day. He does manage to fall asleep but he doesn’t nap for more than half an hour. He wakes up crying,cranky and still tired. How can I get him to take longer naps. I recently tried taking away his morning nap but he still only slept half an hour. Any suggestions?
Hi GoingBatty – Nice name btw!! I’m sorry to hear about the naps. I have to say … nap stress still plagues me at 3 yrs. What is the deal with kids and sleep?! Why do they fight it so? Nap time is trickier than the bedtime CIO because they are not soooo exhausted yet. For NB, she always woke up at exactly 40 minutes from her naps until we sleep trained her. At that point (11 days after we started training and things were much better) her naps also improved dramatically. I’d say you can continue the sleep training at naptime and see if he’ll eventually fall back to sleep. Try and keep his morning nap, though, if he needs it. Crankier doesn’t make for better sleep later. He could be overtired as well. How long have you been doing the Ferber method? What is the bedtime crying and naptime crying like?
I have just started using the progressive waiting on my 3.5 month old and it’s working great! I too noticed that with her naps she wakes up after 40 minutes almost to the dot. I’ve read Ferber, Weissbluth as well as Tracy Hogg (The Baby Whisperer) and they all have great tips. Tracy mentions that babies spend most of their time in REM sleep and their sleep cycles tend to be 45 minutes in length, at which time they rouse out of it and if they can self soothe, hopefully they fall back asleep into another REM cycle. The key is to keep them in their crib for at least an hour and a half (contrary to what Ferber mentions in the naptime bullet above), and if they wake half way through, just try to get them back into the 2nd sleep cycle with the same progressive soothing method or whatever soothing method you’re using. I’ve done this with my LO and 80% of the time, it’s successful. Hope this helps!
I just saw this post and am in the same position, 3.5 month old who wakes up after 45 min and at night 45 min after she’s put to sleep and then sleeps the night through. ( Ithink bc she’s sooo exhausted from her lack of sleep during the day.)Do you use 45 min progressive waiting freber style to get your abbay to stay in bed for another 45 min?
Please answer form desperate to get some sleep mom!
Thanks!
To anyone else who sees this, 3.5 months is WAY TOO YOUNG for Ferber.
Love this blog. I have an almost 8 month old and am considering the Ferber method – or just getting a hotel for myself at night – but I’m thinking Ferber may be cheaper. Question since I haven’t bought the book yet. Baby Wakes-A-Lot is home with daddy during the day and he isn’t on board with going full on Ferber for naps. Will it be successful for nighttime if we don’t do it for naptime?
I am new to this whole sleep training thing, but I talked to our pediatrician yesterday about this. He is all about doing it now (LO will be 4 months Sunday). He also said naps aren’t regulated until 6 months, so if you just want to do night training first that it would work. He said that night sleeping is different to babies and that you won’t sabotage the night work by not doing it during the day. He also said naps may get better naturally when they are getting better, more regular night sleep. So I’m putting LO down for naps and giving her the opportunity to fall asleep on her own, but if she isn’t up for it sometimes I still help her get to sleep, especially if she’s been up for 4 hours (like she was this morning). Hope that helps!
Dearest Sleepy, I feel for you! Baby Wakes-A-Lot is such a great name btw
I feel torn about your question with dad not being on board. Part of me feels that perhaps getting the night time sleep straightened out with some boot camp style sleep training just might turn around those naps for the better. Yet, at the same time, my instinct says 1) You are going to need that wingman to hold your hair back, wipe the tears, and tell you to put down the vodka (if you know what I mean). 2) No consistency with bedtime and nap training will really undermine the whole training altogether. Your little one will be getting mixed signals and not know what to expect from one person to the next. I think for the sake of your noob, you should try and get hubby on the same page. Really, it is for your sleep and sanity as much as it is the baby’s. Everyone in the household will be sleeping better in the end. If you are really insistent to give it a shot solo, it may work but prepare yourself for a lot of emotions and possibly resentment that hubby is not supportive. Good luck! Keep me posted.
Hi there,
My little angel is 4 mnths old. She wont go to sleep by herself, she normally waits for me or daddy to put her to sleep, which is in the arms and rocking or tapping her bum. Her bedtime is normally round 6.30pm. In the night she normally wakes around 3am and wants to play, if i check on her and then leave her she starts to cry till either one of us pick her up and rock and tap her. She sleeps in her cot in our room. What should we do to fix this 3am wake up????
Regards
New mommy
New Mommy – Does she need to eating during her 3 am wake up or is it just for playing? The fact that you mention she only falls asleep with rocking and other habitual soothing techniques, it leads me to believe that she has developed a dependency on you and the hubby to sleep. This was the same for NB, which is why we sleep trained her at 5-6 months. We knew she wasn’t hungry and she needed so much darned rocking that it was making everyone miserable! if this is the case, I’d strongly consider sleep training in a month or so. The Ferber approach is difficult, but so so worth it if you stick it out. It really does train the noobs to soothe themselves back to sleep. The hard thing is if she’s sleeping in your room, then the it’ll be hard for you to just roll over and ignore her during the middle of the night. Is there any chance you can separate the sleeping environments for the 3 of you during the training?
After 9 months of being completely anti-CIO, we decided it was our very last option (nothing else worked, and my 10 month old was up 8, 9, 10 times every night. We have been following it for 4 nights and, while he DOES sleep for longer periods (now he awakens at 10 and 3 only) the length of crying hasn’t really diminished since Day 2. He still cries for 30-40 minutes every time (and sometimes longer!) The night he was born the doctor asked me where he got the temper, so it is probably partly because he is one stubborn little dude. But my husband and I are both about to lose it with the long, heartbreaking cries. He also has begun to anticipate bed time and becomes very clingy and fussy during our evening routine. He also cries any time I get him near his crib, which seems counter-productive. We don’t want all these nights of misery to be for nothing, and we don’t want to give up and go back to the old ways, but don’t know what to do! Starting to think it’s not going to improve from here. Any suggestions?!?! (aside from “buy the book, you idiot!” which is probably the best suggestion).
Hey
– Sounds like you guys are at a difficult point in your CIO training, and just know that I understand how challenging it is. But, from reading your comment … it sounds like there is clear evidence it has helped! From waking 10 times a night?!!!! to just 2 is a major improvement. I hope you’ll keep that in mind as you go through this difficult training each day. At 10 months, there isn’t any reason why he should be waking so often, unless there is some health concern (which is a question for your pediatrician). Here is the cold hard truth. Our CIO training lasted 11 days! You are on day 4 and ready to throw in the towel. I highly recommend you tough it out for at least a week, if not longer! During our 11 days of training, she fluctuated between improvement and regression, but slowly she passed the hump and by keeping my sleep training journal, I could clearly see things improving (even though my heart wanted to quit). If you need to, check out the book from the library or buy a copy. But as long as you follow the minute guidelines I posted, you should be fine. After 7 days, reevaluate honestly. Has there been an improvement overall or is his sleep worse off? I’d push harder than 7 days if need be. You don’t want to go this far and just throw it all out the window if he’s not having adverse reactions (some noobs will vomit or get hysterical, etc). The hard part is, now that you are starting sleep training so close to him being a year old, he’s wise enough to know what’s coming 
But, it’s never too late to work hard for your peace of mind and sanity. Good luck!
Thanks! You’re right, of course, but boy, it’s tough to hear that crying. I was totally anti-CIO for months but we tried every other possible method and none of them did the trick.
The good news is that last night he fell asleep in less than 10 minutes and slept 9 hours with one awakening and he put himself back to sleep! I slept 7.5 hours for the first time in 10 months! I spent all day feeling like I could move mountains!
Tonight he took longer to fall asleep (and naps are a total disaster still) BUT last night was a good enough reminder that I need to keep it up, even though the crying breaks my heart. Here’s hoping tonight he sleeps as well!!!
Hi there! I noticed you’ve written some other posts about using The Baby Whisperer techniques, which are a bit different than Ferber’s. Any insight how you decided to switch, and when, and how you combined the two perspectives? Thanks!
D – I used The Baby Whisperer for my scheduling, feeding, and many of my early troubleshooting. I wouldn’t say I “switched” per say, I feel they cover different topics. In fact, the Ferber book I read for sleep training is mostly focused on sleep and not much else. They vary in that the Baby Whisperer promotes a “shush/pat” “pick up/put down” technique for sleep training rather than CIO. The reason why I decided to use Ferber’s approach for our sleep problems was because the Baby Whisperer’s techniques didn’t work for us. So overall, I used both Ferber and Hogg for different purposes. I tend to read different parenting books and experts and take whatever I find valuable and combine them all
Can you use a pacifier with the Ferber method? My little Prince of the Pacifiers can’t seem to sleep without it!
Hopeful – It is best recommended that you don’t use a pacifier while sleep training with the Ferber method. If the pacifier falls out, you’ll have to keep going in there to replace it, which sort of defeats the purpose of you being out of the bedroom. It would be going from one sleep crutch to another. Good luck!
Thank you for getting back to me. Oh Boy – looks like I have my work cut out for me!
I had the same question about the pacifier! So glad you answered it. We’ve never really had sleep problems until a couple of weeks ago and my munchkin is 7 mo. I’m so perplexed. But since I was so spoiled for so long with good sleep, this is not flying with me! She has all of the sudden been all about waking up a couple of times a night (and when I say a couple, I mean anywhere from 2-6) for me to pop in the paci (and a couple of times during her usually 3 hr nap too). Time to start the CIO method hardcore I suppose (bottle of vodka is ready). Thanks for all of your great info!!!
Hi there…I am not new to the whole mommy idea as we have already raised 3 kids. Out of the blue last year we found out that after eight years we were pregnant again. A baby boy was born at 35 weeks gestation but was healthy with high scores and everything…
He is now a little over 3 months old and still a healthy growing baby boy.
But the problem is as follows…we have absolutely no problem getting him to sleep, he is put down in his crib when he is tired and almost instantly falls asleep. BUT to keep him asleep for more than 3 hours proves to be the challenge, he wakes up every 3 hours..takes a few sips of milk and sleeps again, sometimes its as if he just wants to see if he can get us out of bed. I just need some tips on how to keep him asleep so we also get some of the rest we need.
We follow your daily routine with all the cluster feeds but it doesn’t seem to help.
Anolene – If he is waking up almost on the dot, every 3 hours, it sounds like habitual waking rather than waking due to hunger. Also, the fact that you mention he only takes a few sips of milk, also points to habit not hunger. Does he use a pacifier? You should continue swaddling, use a pacifier, some white noise, and just waiting awhile and see what happens if you let him cry a bit. He may just get tired and bored and fall back asleep. If you were to say that he was waking rather unpredictably and drinking a lot, then it could just be hunger/growth spurt. I’d try to hold him off and see how he does without your intervention. If all else fails, you may want to consider some sort of sleep training in a couple months when he’s old enough. Good luck!
I want to try the Ferber Method with my 7-month old daughter. I think we’ll do fine at night. It’s naps I’m concerned about. Baby and I go to the gym every morning, and she ALWAYS falls asleep in the car on the way home, no matter what time it is. What should I do? Wake her up as soon as we get home? Clear my gym schedule until we can establish a good nap schedule? What is a good nap schedule for a 7-month old anyway?
I have an 8 month old daughter who I’m I’m trying to get to sleep in her own crib. I am failing miserably! At night I can get het to sleep in her crib where she will sleep at 40 minute increments then wake for nursing. I cave then bring her to my bed usually after the third or fourth waking. I also give a soother. Nap times aRe usually in her swing. So I’m trying to do a few things to get her to wake less and sleep in het own bed. For example I know what I should be doing to br successful but in soooo tired that my emotions get the best of me and I cave! Another question is when she wakes she now sits up and cries and doesn’t know how to lay back down to go to sleep so my question is do I wait yo the end of the waiting periods to go in and lay her back down??? I’m so lost!!!!
Tara – I understand you’re frustrated and sleep deprived! But, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head when you admit to caving in because your emotions get the best of you. At 8 months, your daughter should be just fine sleeping through the night (5+ hours without having to eat). If she’s started eating solids, then her tummy should be able to hold enough nutrients to go without eating at night. Which means, her waking every 40 minutes, is totally a dependency and habit and not a necessity. If you look at it that way, then you should slowly be able to let go of the guilty feeling that she’s hungry or that you’re harming her by letting her learn to sleep and soothe herself. If you are serious about sleep training, please read my step-by-step instructions. But, the foundation has to be that you’ll hold firm and no caving! I can’t help you with the caving and emotions, unfortunately. Those are things you’ll have to learn to overcome on your own or with the support of a family member. If you want and need the sleep as much as your little one does to develop happily and healthily, then stay firm and follow the Ferber guidelines. Also, get her out of the swing as soon as you can. You certainly don’t want to have a one-year old in a few months who’s still napping in her swing. Good luck!
Noob mommy! I need your advice! I have a 7.5 month old, who until this point, had been sleeping pretty solidly at night. Solids are firmly established, as well as routine. She had been going to bed at 7, waking up at 5:30, at which point I would bring her into our bed until 7am (probably a bad habit). I should mention that i have never had any real issues with putting her down at night – put her in her crib, smooch, goodnight, walk away. but now I don’t know what’s going on – she cries and cries when i put her down at night, and is comforted only when i pick her up. It takes several cuddles and pacifier now until she is settled. She is waking up SEVERAL times at night. She will only sleep soundly now if she is in bed right beside me. She is not sick, maybe teething, but i see no redness. The only real difference in our home right now is we have put a massive xmas tree up in the living room lol right next to her play area. This has been going on for about a week now, and i want to correct it.
Do you think trying the Ferber method would be a good idea?
Teresa – Since the change in your little one’s routine seems to have appeared out of nowhere, I would definitely hold off on the Ferber method for a little while and just monitor her to see if she has some other issues that are bothering her. She may be going through a growth spurt, and I did notice you wrote she isn’t teething or sick. If she’s gained some new motor development or other growth milestone, that could also cause her to be a little “off the normal” behavior pattern. Glad to hear you are very observant and in tune with your DD! But still, keep an eye out. With the holidays and new things happening, it is totally normal for sleep patterns to get disrupted. If after a couple weeks you think the situation hasn’t returned to normal, then I would consider sleep training. Since you did mention that you do bring her into your bed on occasion, she may be getting to the age now where she is observant and knows that being in bed with Mommy is an option. At some point, you will want to decide if bringing her to bed is something you really cherish and love, or if that’s just a quick out to get her to settle down. If it’s a habit you’d prefer to break, then you’ll need to set your foot down soon. 7.5 months is still early enough where they can’t “negotiate” with you during the sleep training process, if you know what I mean
Hi Noob Mommy, first I have to say thank you, because your blog is one of the main things that convinced me to try Ferber. We have an 8.5 month old who slept great up until about a month and a half ago. When I read your blog, I felt like I was reading about us and our struggles, humor and frustration and all! We started the sleep training schedule on Friday 12/16 and by night 4, our son was back to sleeping through the night. Happy baby, happy parents! The best part is he is finally taking naps in his crib, no rocking, no sleeping on our shoulder, leaving us immobile on the couch until he wakes! Tonight will be night 6. I notice you kept track until your daughter fell asleep on her own without crying. My question is, is the goal to get him to sleep through the night, even with some crying when I put him down initially or to have him not cry at all when he’s put down and then of course sleep through the night? I’ve been keeping very careful track of all times and the crying has lessened. Just wondering how long I should keep track. Regardless, this whole method is truly GENIUS! Thanks!
Stacey – Thanks so much for your kind and uplifting words! I love to hear success stories, especially when parents have such a tough time with sleep as we did! Now that you’ve been sleep training for almost two weeks, are you still having success? I can’t wait to hear another update. I kept our sleep training journal until I felt that I could see a consistent improvement in NB. At which point, she’d still occasionally whimper or cry at bedtime, but mostly she was just happy as could be! I just knew that we had reached our goal. I think you already sound very very happy with the results of your hard work and endurance. It’s probably going to be much better from here on out. Keep us updated!
Hi! Thanks again for the advice! We are still having success, thank goodness! I kept track until yesterday, but really he’s been sleeping well since day 4 or 5. Now he definitely doesn’t cry as much when we put him in, maybe just a little whimpering, but mostly he either just falls asleep or sits there until he decides to lay down, its pretty amazing! Naps I feel are our biggest success because he never napped in his crib. Now he takes 2 naps a day, anywhere from 45 mins. to 1hr 20 mins. Of course some nights he takes longer than others to fall asleep, just like adults I guess! But I haven’t needed to really follow the sleep schedule since week one. I don’t think we ever even got up to the longest interval! So, I’d say the whole process was a success! I just wish I had tried it a month earlier, but better late than never! Thanks again!
I tried Ferber with my 7-month old daughter and it worked perfectly–for a week. We were so happy that it had been so easy. My daughter had about a week of sleeping through the night or waking once or twice, but always soothing herself back to sleep in 5 minutes or less. Somehow something has changed. Now my daughter wakes up, not crying but SCREAMING. I have never heard her cry like this before. It upset my husband and me, so I started picking her up again. Have I sabotaged everything? Could she be in pain from teething? What should I do now?
Michelle – This is a tricky one! Have you noticed if there are any other changes? Does she seem ill, teething, growth spurt, etc.? When you pick her up when she starts screaming, is she consoled easily? Does she fall back to sleep right away or does she need to be soothed for a long time? Will she wake up repeatedly like prior to the sleep training? I’d monitor your LO and consider sleep training again after the holidays when you are back on a regular schedule since you did have great success the first time! Also, it took us almost two weeks for us to feel our sleep training was “complete.” It’s possible that it took her a week to realize what kinda fast move you guys pulled on her
Does she only wake up crying or does she fall asleep screaming as well?
Thank you for your answer. That was funny! Yes, I think you’re right. After a few good nights, she realized she wasn’t waking up on Mommy’s belly anymore. (I used to soothe her back to sleep by putting her on my belly for the last hour or two of the night.) Once she learned that crying didn’t work, she tried screaming. Clever little thing. Well, we started again from square one and again had quick success. Now she’s teething and has a cold. And we’re going out-of-state for a two-week vacation in mid-January. So, I expect we’ll have to start over again when we get back from the trip, but at least we know the basics. Maybe it won’t be too hard. Oh-another good thing about this method–Baby almost never needs a pacifier anymore. We basically only use it in the car now.
Hello Noob Mummy, my little princess is 19 weeks today..and has regressed from her sleep. She slept through the night from about 8 weeks for 35 nights (look who’s counting
) and then all went out of the window. She used to sleep after her last feed at 1030pm until 7am in the morning without waking up at all…..i thought we had it sorted until she started waking up in the middle of the night again about 6 weeks ago. Since then, she would wake up at least 2 or 3 times every night after her last feed – usually between 3ish and 4ish. We sometimes wouldn’t hear a peep from her as she would just lay in cot playing by herself so we don’t even know how long she’s been awake for when she finally cries for attention. She uses the pacifier to help her sleep..i haven’t been doing anything different since 8 weeks apart from stretching out her feeding to 3.5/4hours. She’s not a good napper – no more than 45 mins at a time..and if we are lucky and catch her between sleep cycles in the afternoon, then we can go for about 2 hours. She feeds at 7am, 1030/1045am, 2pm, 5pm, 615pm (bed time
) and then we wake her up at 1045pm for her last feed. She’s usually too sleepy at 615pm and 1045pm to finish her full feed. If she does wake up in the middle of the night, we try to tide her over with her pacificer and she goes back to sleep, but if she cries, she only drinks 50ml and then falls back to sleep (i don’t think she’s waking from hunger if she’s taking such a small amount). So my question is, what’s the best way to have her sleeping through the night again? Is she overly reliant on her dummy now and should i be starting sleep training? I need her sleeping through the night as once i wake up in the night to pay her attention, i can’t go back to sleep myself….and i need to be fully functional in the day when i return to work in a few days!!! Thanks!
Mummy – Ferber recommends sleep training at about 5-6 months, at which point your little one can hold the nutrients in her belly to sleep for a longer time through the night (5 + hours). Sounds like she’s almost at 5 months? I’d wait till after the holiday madness is over and consider the training if she’s at the right age. It sounds like you also have a pretty good hunch that she’s not waking out of hunger but rather out of habit. That’s a really good indicator that she’s dependent on you or the paci to soothe herself back to sleep … another sign that sleep training might be beneficial. The changes in her sleep habits are perfectly normal. All kinds of disruptions as they grow can cause these changes (teething, growth spurts, illness, mobility, other development milestones). Basically, when she’s old enough for the training and you are emotionally ready to bite the bullet … go for it! Especially if you are working! You need that sleep just as much as she does to be happy and well-rested during the day.
Hi Noob mummy, I am just starting “Ferberizing” tonight after a couple of months of miss G (6 months) waking every two hours at night. She was an absolute angel bub and used to only wake once for a feed but at 2 months the wakings started increasing and now after a couple of trips away and a terrible double ear infection she is waking 4 or 5 times a night, feeding for 5-10 minutes and then falling asleep. I’m convinced she has just developed bad habits and is using me to get back to sleep so after the all clear from the doctor I’m going to try sleep training.
From a very early age I taught her to self settle so she has no problem going to sleep, it is the resettling at night that is the issue as I have always just feed her back to sleep but now I am OVER the no sleep and I think because she is feeding so much at night she is not eating as well during the day.
So the progress so far……. She went down at 7pm as always and had her first wake up at 8.30pm, I left her for 3 mins then went and gave her a few pats and made sure she wasn’t too hot (its summer here) then left her for 5 then went in again then 10 mins wait then her crying was starting to slow down so I left her and she stopped crying and went to sleep!! It really wasn’t that bad as I let my 3 year old stay up a bit late and he came outside and kept me occupied while she cried! Not looking forward to the rest of the wakings tonight though, crying in the middle of the night is hard to ignore!! I just have a couple of questions for you, if while I am doing the waiting and she stops crying for a minute or two do I start the timer again and is it back to 3 minutes or is it still at the 10 minute wait time? Also as she has just turned 6 months and has never slept through the night so should I still dreamfeed her or just cut out the feeds cold turkey. (she has been on solids for 2 months so they are kind of well established). Thanks for your help, love your blog by the way!
Em – I am curious to know how it’s going. We have a nightime habit eater too (5 mo) and our situation sounds bery similar to yours. We plan to start Ferbrizing tomorrrow. How did the rest of the night go?
Hi Tired momma
Rest of the night went pretty well, I ended up feeding her at 10.30pm and then she woke at 1.30 (and I fed her) but then she didn’t wake until 7 which was a breakthrough compared to how she has been. But as you can see I didn’t really do it properly and the following night my sister babysat for me and since then we have been a bit out of routine with visitors so I’m having to start all over again tonight. She actually just woke up @8pm its now 8.36 and I’m up to the 10 minute wait and she is still screaming, hope she gives it up soon!! So tempted to give in and feed her!!! I’ll go outside and play with the dog after the next enter. I’ll keep you updated!! x
Okay so I gave in! It had been over an hour and my mum was about to come around and drop off my neice and nephew who are staying here (and I’m weak weak weak!!!) so I fed her, she just didn’t seem to be winding down anytime soon!So onward and upward I’ve decided that trying to sleep train her while they are staying is probably not going to work because screaming baby sounds much worse when other people are there listening. So I’ll check back in a few days once I can do it properly and once I have stocked up on rum!!!! GOOD LUCK, love to know how your going! I also plan on going to the library tomorrow to borrow the book so I can maybe get more of an idea about how to do it!! x
Em – Hang in there! It is probably a good idea to start this when the visitors are gone and if there’s a significant other in the picture, getting them on board with the program. It takes willpower, but just know that the training is mostly for your baby’s benefit .. not just your own. Children who sleep well are proven to be happier, more energetic, and more capable of learning, etc. Good luck and keep us posted!
HI Noob moomy me again! So we’re back on night one, she woke at 7.30pm and it’s now 8.30pm and she is still screaming!!!! I’m going to remain strong though I haven’t been through an hour of crying to give up now!
Just have one question though I still swaddle her but she is getting so strong now that when she is crying she ends up unswaddled and in the most awkward posititions in the cot, so should I just unswaddle alltogether and teach her how to fall asleep without it or should I keep reswaddling her everytime I go in and check on her?
Thanks for your help, I can’t believe their is no ferber forum out there! x
Em- How is the sleep training going? I’d say that you keep the timer running if she sort of sniffles and stops, etc. In my opinion, at 6 months she should be fine without the dreamfeeds, particularly if she’s having solids too during the day. Let us know how the training goes! Stick with it for at least a week or two and keep a journal so you can clearly monitor the progress. Good luck!
Oh we had such a good night!!! Okay I’ll admit that first waking was hideous and I ended up giving in and feeding her BUT when she woke at 1.30am I was determined to hold my nerve and she cried for about 25 minutes then went back to sleep and didn’t wake up until 6.30 this morning!!!! Hopefully we can have as good a night tonight, thinking I might unswaddle and teach her how to go to sleep with out the swaddle as well otherwise I’m only going to have to go through all this again when I do unwrap her!
Now can someone please tell my boobies we aren’t feeding overnight anymore, I woke up in a puddle of milk with hooters to rival pam anderson!
We are going great guns, night three last night and she slept from 6.30-6.45!!! No wakings! I am so proud of her and highly recommend this method to anyone whose bub is not yet sleeping through.
I am so glad I went cold turkey on the night feeds and unswaddled her because it has all come together so so well!! Now I know this could all change in the next couple of nights but I have the confidence in this method now to proceed and not go back to feeding 4-5 times a night!
Anyone thinking of trying the method I would suggest going to your local library and borrowing the book, unlike most parenting books it doesn’t take a week to read, in fact I could read it in a couple of hours, because you only have to read the sections relevant to you. Thanks noob mommy, without your website I would never have tried CIO as it all sounds so daunting! xx
Em- So so happy to hear about your great success! And thank you for coming back here to post updates and encouragement for the other readers. I know how hard it is to stay tough and not cave-in, but for those people who give this method a committed week or two, I believe most parents and babies will feel the happiness of healthy sleep!! I hope the success continues for you. Like you said, there may be some regressions and definitely as she gets older, there will be more sleep adjustments, but I definitely believe you’ve set the proper foundation now. Happy weekend and many more well-rested nights to you and yours
does ferberisation cause dehydration and how can counter that?
Anon- I’m not a doctor, but I believe with my experience and from reading Ferber’s book (as well as other parenting books) your little one will not be dehydrated from sleep training if she/he is at the proper age (at least 6 months). At about 5-6 months, our little ones can go a good 5+ hour stretch without needing to feed.
Hi Noob Mommy! Thanks for your useful and informative website! I’m considering to do CIO for my baby when she is 4.5 months, she is dependent on pacifier and rocking. So I’m wondering whether CIO can help. When she was at 11 week, I tried cold turkey with the pacifier (we hold her, rocking, singing, shhhh, etc. but she kept crying, sometimes up to 1 hour…so I’m afraid she may cry non-stop in CIO. Did Ferber mention how long is maximize for the cry, and what to do in the case… I’m really need your help! Much Thanks!
And is it ok to do CIO for a baby sleep in her crip next to her parents’bed?
Kylie – CIO is designed to help your baby 5+ months old if she has a sleep dependency (pacifier, rocking, etc.). Take a look at the chart to see how to set up the progressive schedule (each day has different minute intervals between checking in on the baby). Ferber says you can continue this all night till her normal wake up time. After she has hit the “max” waiting period, stay with that time frame until she falls asleep. If she wakes up again in the middle of the night, restart the intervals working up to the max again. As for naps, you should only go for about 30 minutes before you end the nap time completely.
Thank you so much for this blog and for all the answers you post to Mommies – it’s so helpful and nice to hear others’ experiences! I’m into Night Two of Ferberizing my daughter. We did it with my son when he was 4 months, and it was SO easy. Well, not at all “easy,” but the first night it was 40 minutes, the second night 20 minutes and by the third night he was sleeping peacefully for 12 hours! My daughter, though, seems to be putting up quite the fight. The first night she cried for an hour and didn’t seem to be at all calmed down when my husband went in at the regular intervals. Tonight, she’s going on 1.5 hours of crying and not calming at all. It’s making me wonder if maybe she’s not ready for this, maybe she really did need that middle of the night feeding….. :/ We started Ferberizing because she was a pretty good sleeper but would always wake crying around 3-4am, but then nurse for a couple minutes and fall right back asleep. She’s 90th percentile in height and 80th in weight, so the pediatrician said she didn’t need that extra feeding and it was probably just habitual. She goes down pretty easily at night, though we do swaddle her and let her sleep with the paci. In the Ferberizing sessions, though, she’s of course struggled out of her swaddle and we’re avoiding the paci because – as you wrote in one of your posts – it seems like substituting one crutch for another. Should we maybe try to start training her at the start to go down without the paci? Should we keep using the paci during Ferber? I’m just a little dismayed that she seems to be regressing rather than progressing (she also woke up earlier tonight than the nights before). I realize it’s only Night Two and I have to steel my will, but I admit I’m crumpling….
Losing Faith – Hang in there! It sounds like you know (and the pediatrician has agreed) that her wakings (at almost exactly the same time each night) is habitual. Her weight and health sound great, so she’s probably capable of sleeping through the night without the extra feedings. I’d definitely continue with the training for at least a week if not more. If after a week things are CLEARLY getting worse and crying is getting longer, then stop and reevaluate. But if you keep a detailed log and monitor the progress each night, you may see that there is gradual improvement! Also, since you did have an easier time with your first, it’s probably harder because you do have something to compare it to
As you can see from my own experience, we went ~ 11 days of this with many ups and downs. Then it just clicked! As far as the paci goes, you can start gradually by eliminating paci’s during the day and only use for naps/bedtime. Then consider breaking it all together at bedtime. Good luck!
Thanks for the words of support and encouragement!
ok your blog is fabulous and has inspired me to try this! I ordered the book, but it hasn’t arrived yet. I did however start the method three nights ago anyway. My 8 month old used to sleep just fine, but is now up 5 times a night. Minimum. The method is going well. Last night after the first check, he was out. But like some of the other mommies, it’s the night wakings that are our problem. It took me an hour last night at two am to get him back down! The biggest problem is that when he wakes he instantly stands up and can’t get back down! What do I do about that? And will the night wakings get better?? I’m at the end of my rope. I even spent 150 bucks on a sleep consultant with no improvement!!
Dying- I think it’s up to you if you want to go in and put him back down if he’s stuck in the standing up position. If you do so, go in and gently put him back to sleep and leave. Make sure he knows it’s not playtime or anything else, but you’re there just to make sure he’s ok and help him out a little. Stick to business
Yes, the night wakings can be difficult and take a long stretch of time before they fall back asleep. But if so, don’t let them sleep in to make up for the time. Make sure you keep up with the training and your daily schedule. It should make him nice and sleepy for the naps. Good luck! If you stick with it and follow Ferber’s guidelines, I believe you will find success!
This is my problem with my 7 month old…. she instantlystands up. our probkmes began when she began rolling over and crawling.
I have been bed-sharing with my little one since birth! He just turned 4 months old. I am on night 3 of this CIO business. I was doing checkins every 5 minutes max…until tonight when I let it stretch to 10 minutes a couple of tines because I got very frustrated and clsose to giving in!! ANyways, I have been using this method for naps and also for the initial bedtime at night. Do I HAVE to put him back to sleep in the middle of the night using this method as well? I live in apartments and also don’t want to wake my SO who is sleeping (we currently have baby in our room since we are still in our one bedroom apt right now..).
I REALLY want my son to sleep through the night and be rested and happy! I don’t mind sleeping with him every now and then, but I want to choose when rather than having it be the only option. I need help with this CIO! He wakes up MULTIPLE times during the night!!! And it has only gotten worse….
Also, he was going to bed with me each night at whatever time I would lay down. (He also sometimes would fall asleep while being held and I was able to RARELY lay him in his crib and he would sleep for a couple hours in there at the beginning of the night.) Sometimes this was pretty late… I have started putting him down around 9pm, as this is the desired bedtime! You mentioned above that it isn’t good to put them to bed earlier than they are used to…?
and my son doesn’t need a mid-night feeding, either!! we just had his 4 mo checkup 2 days ago and he is 80th percentile for wight and 98th for height!! no shortage there!! He is breastfed, and I was feeding him while cosleeping all this time, so I think that is why he wakes to eat/soothe so much still!!
CIO- The key to Ferber’s sleep training is consistency and following his guidelines. For one, he recommends waiting until your little one is about 5 months old or older. If you choose to start the training earlier, just be cautious. It sounds like your LO is healthy in weight, which is wonderful, but if he’s a bit older, he may be able to go longer at night with a fuller belly. Secondly, keep a consistent bedtime. It sounds like you are putting him to bed at different times and sometimes very late … 9 pm? Ferber mentions that when you START sleep training, you can put them down a little later than usual the first day to get them extra sleepy. But it’s not suggested that your LO has a late or irregular bedtime consistently. Most children really benefit from having an earlier bedtime (7-7:30) if it’s possible. If you have work or other factors in play, that is understandable. But an overtired, overstimulated baby can make sleep more difficult in general. When you use Ferber’s method, you are supposed to use his method for naps, bedtime, and mid-night wakings. The purpose is to teach your little one how to self-soothe and sleep without you as an aid, no matter the time of day. Also, you mention that you want to be able to choose when to let your son sleep with you. I don’t have experience with co-sleeping, but if you do proceed with the training, it may be confusing to your LO if you allow him to sleep with you sometimes and other times not. Mixed signals and inconsistency is very confusing to little ones, and can be worse when they are old enough to complain to you. It might be a good idea to consider what you want in the long run and how to proceed with that. Hopefully I answered some of your questions! Good luck!
Hi there,
I’ve been enjoying reading your blog and have a question that I hope you can help with! We have an almost-4-month-old girl, and our pediatrician has recommended that when she hits 4 months, we use the Ferber method.
She actually sleeps great–11-13 hours at night and 3-5 hours of naps during the day most days! The problem? She sleeps EXCLUSIVELY in her swing. We cannot, for the life of us, get her to stay asleep for more than a few minutes in her crib. (Strangely enough, we went to visit my parents for a week last month, and she slept in a crib THERE–and slept fantastically well–the whole week! But when we got back home, it completely fell apart. We have no idea why!) We have started putting her in the swing on the very lowest setting and turning it off once she’s asleep since I know she’s probably completely dependent on the motion to sleep. The good news is that she will often stay asleep once the swing is turned off–but we haven’t succeeded in placing her in the nonmoving swing and having her sleep.
SO…..is the Ferber method recommended for breaking a sleep association like swing sleeping? (She also sleeps with a paci, but I think the swing is the much bigger issue). We are wondering whether to wait to sleep-train until she’s comfortable sleeping in the crib, or whether STing would be the most effective method, in itself, to TEACH her to sleep in the crib. (I hope that makes sense!)
Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated!
Okay, so the day she turned four months old (this past Thursday) we planned to start STing her to teach her to sleep in the crib. We went through the bedtime routine, I steeled my nerves, and we put her in the crib…..and she fell right asleep! She’s been sleeping in her crib for night sleep and all naps since then! I’m sure there will be more challenges and surprises down the road, but she seems to have been as ready as we were to move to the crib. She’s also napping longer for SOME of her naps–there are still a good number of 30-45 minute naps in there, but we’re also seeing a smattering for 1-2 hour ones. Hopefully her sleep is starting to regulate!
Sara- Great to hear! Sounds like everyone was ready to get some decent shut-eye. I hope the Ferber method continues to bring you peaceful sleep and success!
Sara- Ferber’s sleep training is a great way to help break many sleep associations. For us, it was rocking Noob Baby to sleep (which sounds like the same equivalent of what you’re going through). If you really want to get her used to sleeping in her crib, it’s a great time to start practicing. You may want to try just naptimes at first, or go cold turkey and use the method all the way. I’d say that the swing issue is more important at the moment than the paci. But later on, you can also use the same technique with paci – limiting use to only naps/bedtime, then just nap, etc. All in all, I think your pediatrician is right on the mark with the sleep training! Good luck!
love your blog! encouraging and funny! Our babygirl is 3months old now and our pediatrician states that she should be able to go to sleep anywhere from 7-9pm and does not need a night feed! im unsure how i feel about this but lately we would put her down at 830-9p and she wouldnt wake until around 4am lately. i would feed her and sometimes she will go right back to sleep and sometimes it will take an hour to settle her! at bedtime once we put her down we laydown also she in sleeping in the cosleeper attached to our bed and we will give her the pacifier and sometimes rock her a little if the pacifier isnt helping her settle but this process takes about 1-2 hours before she goes to sleep for the night and hubby and i are pretty much walking around on our toes like ninjas if we need to go to the bathroom. and even once she settles it seems like if we leave the room she doesnt smell us and wakes up. oh goodness…this is what brings me to cio…my pediatrician recommends it at this age already and i was dreading that moment! we live in a 1 bedroom apt and wondering if cio is possible if she stays in our room. can we just disconnect the cosleeper and use it as a stand alone bassinet in our room? will she cry even more with middle of the night wakes if she smells us? as far as naps now she is sleeping in her swing. gosh we have given her too many sleep associations out of desperation! must i put her down in the bassinet for every nap also? i will be returning to work soon and really would like her to be able to self soothe herself to sleep so she can have an easier time at the babysitter. we must keep bedtime around 830-9 because i work 12 hour shifts in the hospital and wouldnt get home any earlier
noob mommy please help another noob at this!!!! thanks!
CIO – According to Ferber, sleep training shouldn’t start till about 5-6 months. I’ve had many readers write to me and say that their pediatrician has ok’d it before then. Since I’m not a physician and only have my own experiences and reading to guide me, I would say that the decision is up to you. It doesn’t hurt to wait another month or two if you are having hesitations and can hold out. Whatever you decide to do, it is possible to sleep train with the LO in your room… but I imagine it will be more difficult. Ferber recommends that you continue to leave the room between the check-ins (if possible) or if you need to be in the room at the time (like it’s the middle of the night), you should remain quiet and “separated” as much as possible. Roll over, try not to make eye contact, have her sleep farther away if possible. She may know that you’re in the room, but she’ll learn that you are not there to help her fall back asleep. In addition, when you sleep train, definitely train her off the swing as well. It would be too confusing for her to learn these techniques but not be able to use them consistently. Consistency is key! You are trying to prepare her for the sleep conditions she will need to get used to (falling asleep on her own, back to sleep on her own, no swinging, rocking, etc.) I’d say this goes with the swaddle and pacifier as well… but you could also choose to wean her off the paci a little later (which we did and isn’t too hard).
How did you wean her off the paci???
There are a few tricks to wean from paci, but it’s a separate process from CIO. If you’re going to CIO and your little one only uses paci during sleep times, it may be a good idea to do it all at once. Or, just at naps then bedtime, etc. if you prefer a more gradual process. Basically, imagine your final goal for the sleep training and shoot to aim for those conditions. If your goal is not to be a paci prop… then you will eventually have to address this concern. Good luck!
sorry one more question… her swaddle yes she uses that too..lol swaddle, paci ,rocking, shush’n you name it! she has been breaking out of her swaddle lately and ends up rubbing her face and waking her up but for the past 2 days shes been doing better with it. i left both arms out in her swing at naps yesterday and it was successful, today she will only go with one arm out. but still better than a full swaddle. i was wondering once i start cio can i go cold turkey with both pacifier and swaddle? or will it be too much at once?
thanks for your response! once i saw a email notification of a comment it was like christmas morning to me! lol how did you manage to do cio with pacifier and wean after? i dont mind her using a paci in the car and things like that but its making her wake up too often at night when she is first trying to settle, if she looses it she wakes. we have a place that we can move her bassinet into for the cio process if it would make it easier but in the long run we would still like to keep her in our room so would it be too confusing for her if we move her back into our room once we feel cio is successful? thanks soooo much!
CIO – We never went in and replaced her paci… we just left it as it was. Later on when she was older, she’d put it back in herself. The key to CIO is to create the environment you want for your little one to sleep in and stick to it. All babies and kids need predictability and consistency. If you want her to sleep in your room, then she needs to learn how to fall asleep in that environment. It is too confusing to change the conditions and expectations for her. This is why when babies are rocked to sleep and then wake up in a different room or with no one there, they are scared and confused. The conditions are different than when they fell asleep. So, my advice is to discuss with the spouse and see what exactly you want the situation to be in the future and practice that now. Good luck!
It seems everytime I Google for advice and inspiration I end up here! Thank you for sharing your story. In December I bought the baby whisperer book. I spent a solid month following the schedule, routine and principles verbatim.
I guess I should explain my situation. We brought home our son end of September and I was prepared for sleepless nights. I planned on sleeping when he slept. To my shock, I brought home a cat napper. By the second week of being home, our son only napped for 30 minute intervals. I started reading and trying everything to get him to sleep better. Fast forward a few months and we had a strong case of accidental parenting. Bouncing, nursing to sleep, snacking every two hours and cosleeping. Well things went awry rather quickly. My beautiful perfect son wanted me or my husband to bounce him all night long.
When we first started whispering we were on a two hour routine of eat, activity, sleep. I learned a lot from the whispering and went straight to work on getting him on a three hour easy routine. I also followed the pick up/put down to extend his naps. I did this exhausting task for a month and still my boy will only sleep for 30 minutes. He wakes up happy and all smiles. I am exhausted and I just don’t think he is ready/wants to extend his naps. Now, my son is waking up every hour (sometimes every half an hour) and he us not hungry (only drinks an ounce) and I don’t know what to do.
So I have given up on the four hour easy. Also, it still takes me 15 minutes to soothe my baby to sleep. So finally, my question/plea for advice because you seem so knowledgable…
Any ideas on what kind of schedule I should have? For the last two days he’s awake for 1.5 hours (includes wind down) pu/pd for 15-30 minutes and 30 minute catnap.
I am seriously considering ferberizing (doc says its ok) because 1/3 of my day (and nights) are spent putting h to sleep…
Anne- Your little one is probably around 4 months or so right? If this is the case, then he should be on a 4-HR EASY routine or something similar to that. You may have to slowly stretch out the feeding times over the course of a week or two (tacking on a few minutes extra here and there to extend the time in between feeding) to get him back on track. Also, he may be going through a growth spurt if he’s eating more frequently. If you are still doing all the accidental parenting, my guess would be that he’s so dependent on those habits that he’s not sleeping well, napping well, eating well, etc. The question is if you are ready and want to Ferberize him. Your ped has given you the ok.. it’s just a matter if you want to try it out. Good luck on your decision!
Thanks for the response. I no longer rock or bounce him to sleep – so that part of the accidental parenting has been cured. My challenge is his 30 minute naps. For the life of me I cannot extend his naps. His awake time is 2 hours. I can extend his feeds gradually but my easy will become:
8 eat
10 sleep
10:30 activity
12 eat
12:30 sleep
1 activity
3 sleep
3:30 activity
4 eat
5:30 sleep
6:00 activity
8 eat
Bed
Is this really what i should work towards? Do you have any experience with a cat napper? He’s happy with these 30 minute naps throughout the day… Once 3:30 am hits he becomes a light a fussy sleeper. Mind you, a couple if nights last week have been ok (up every two hours for a small feeding). I’ve ordered the CIO book and should be here tomorrow… I don’t believe he needs it for going to sleep – just staying asleep.
Since my original post (it’s like he knew) I put him in his crib awake, give him his pacifier and walk out of his room!
These cat naps however are rough!
Hi Noob Moomy, I have tried feberizing my baby for 7 days, and much improvement. No more, rocking, singing, and especially no pacifier at all, keeping her sleep longer. The first night, she cried 26 min, the next nap was more than 30 min and we have to end that nap, but now, only 2 or 3 min, but EVERYTIME. So I am wondering when to put her to her crip, when the first signs of sleepy occurs or when we wait until she is really sleepy. We often wait until she is fussy, so maybe that the reason why she still cries everytime for 2-3 mins. I am afraid that if I let her cries everytime like that, she will resist to go to bed. I always wish she loves bedtime, and like your baby, she can play in her crib but not cry before asleep. Many thanks for your advice!
Kylie- It’s great to hear you are having improvement with the Ferber method! The positive thing is to recognize that you are seeing shorter and shorter crying times and longer sleep stretches (without your help)! I’d say that you should put your little one to bed at a consistent earlier bedtime (between 7-8). If you wait until she’s really sleepy, she’ll probably be overtired and fussy. Not sure what bedtime you have right now, but make sure it’s not too late
Good luck!
Thank you for all your awesome info. It’s been our go-to… I have this page bookmarked and reference it bleary-eyed on my phone during our long sleep-training nights. We’ve also bought and devoured the Ferber book.
So, here’s our problem. Our now 5MO gal has always seemed to have a great initial sleep (although we rocked her and put her down asleep), but was up every half hour to hour after her first night waking (regardless of whether she ate or not). She no longer eats at night.
Currently, we’re on our second round of Ferber. We tried for about a week at 4 months after our ped recommended it to quell the repeated wakings and wean from the nighttime feeding. She did pretty well, then got sick. However, she did learn to fall asleep at the start of the night on her own w/o crying, but the night-waking (which had improved, but not disappeared) returned while she was sick. We didn’t do CIO while sick, instead rocked, soothed, brought her to our bed, etc. Now that she’s well, we’re into our second round of Ferber, night 8 or so. She slept through the night (7:45pm-6am) a couple nights early on, but has been waking at least twice at night for anywhere from 10-45 min the past two nights. We’ve been militant about her bedtime routine, she does fairly well w/naps, we’re obeying our time intervals. We just can’t figure out this sudden back-tracking and I’m now slightly terrified that this is how her sleep pattern will always be… A couple good nights, a couple bad ones. I just hate the idea of going through the pain of Ferber without the results we (really, desperately) want.
Did you guys experience back-tracking this late into the training? Is it too early to be freaking out? Will I ever stop being afraid of my baby monitor??
Tonight is my first night and VERY difficult! I’m not sure if I’m doing it correctly, but hopefully tonight is the start of a great sleep beginning. My 9mo wakes up several times a night 3-5 at the extact same time each night. I was nursing him, then he’d back to his crib within 10-15 minutes.
I’m now at 1hr and 27 min of hysteria. There have been brief (and mean brief
) moments of calm. Should I check him at the 10 minute interval if he’s quiet? How should I stay in the room with him?
Your Blog/website is awesome. I’m in my room with my laptop under my pillow
THANK YOU!!!
Lindsey – I hope the sleep training has been successful for you. What’s the latest? At 9 months, your little one is definitely capable of sleeping (5+hrs a night) and bypassing the middle of the night feed. I’d love to hear if you’ve been able to keep with the sleep training!
Hi Noobmommy,
My Ds is 7.5 mo and i sleeptrained him when he was 6 mo with your help. It was horrible, I read your site over and over again during the training. Thank you very much for your blog. I read the INTERNET about Ferber method and your site is my favorite. After several nights of agony, my little prince started sleeping better.For about a month everything was going good but then he started waking up crying again and my husband couldn’t deal with the CIO. (during the training, he was out of town so did not have to deal with it) so I am not sure what to do…i just wanted to write to you to vent!
Btw, CONGRATULATIONS on your second baby.
Derya
Hey Noobmommy,
I have a 7.5 month old boy and he hasn’t been sleeping through the night ever , and we are going to start trying for another in about 5 months and I am terrified
that he won’t be sleeping through the night by then and I will be waking up with 2 babies!! So i have decided to start sleep training him. Before he would only have 1 bottle a nightmaround 2 but he would wake up and want his soother 2-3 times a night because he can’t find it on his own yet. I am wondering if I should not use his soother with sleep training. I have been able to use his soother the last 2 nights and pushed his bottle time until 6am with him going down at 8:30 but that still doesnt help him sleep through and not use the soother.
Thanks!!! Jen
Jen – With the Ferber sleep training method, it seems to work nicely to just cut all sleep dependencies so that you don’t send mixed signals. So, if you want to try to break the binky habit while you’re at it, it might be worth a shot. There really isn’t a point to go through the challenge of sleep training only to go in every time he loses his paci. Or, you can gradually wean him from the binky by only allowing it at naps, and then not at all etc.
Hi NoobMommy,
I have a 4 month old that wakes up crying several times a night. Unfortuately he has eczema and is getting over a bad cold, cough (he was tested for RSV but came back negative). The pediatrician said he didnt think the eczema bothers him enough to keep him up at night but he does wake himself up with the coughing. I would assume it would be best to wait to try the Feber until he is completely over this but wanted to get your advice. Also I noticed in comments above that I should not let him nap after 4pm correct? We usually dont put him down until 8 or 8:30pm is that too long of a stretch for a 4 month old?
I appreciate it!
Jessa – It isn’t recommended that you start sleep training till around 5-6 months of age. At that point, they are able to retain more calories during the daytime feeds to sleep for a long stretch at night. Also, you are definitely right about not starting any sleep training or anything too “life altering” while the LO is going through an illness or some other disruption to the normal routine (travel, holidays, visitors, etc). I would also suggest you shoot for an earlier bedtime. 7-7:30 is much more ideal … it is possible that your LO is too tired by 8:30 pm and having an even harder time sleeping well at night. If you do put him down around 4ish for a catnap, try and keep it short (45 minutes or so) and see how he does. If he’s even crankier after that short catnap, it may not be worth it to have it. Good luck!
when do naps get easier?
Hi Noob Mommy:
Thanks for all the information and entertainment on your site. I have a little girl who just turned 4 mos. We are wanting to sleep train her but I’m not exactly sure where to start. She goes to sleep awake just fine. It is the waking up in the middle of the night that is the problem. She goes to bed around 7 pm and wakes around 7 am (with several night awakenings in between). She ends up getting fed twice during the night because it is just an easier way to get her to go back to sleep. How long should she be able to go during the night without a feeding? She is FF and is around 13 lbs. Very healthy little girl! I’m just so confused…….when she was 7 weeks old she was sleeping 8+ hour stretches and now it is only 4-5 hour stretches. Help! Thanks!
Lisa – With the Ferber method, he doesn’t recommend you start sleep training until about 6 months. I know you’re feeling tired and frustrated now, but it’s normal. Wait a few months before you consider sleep training. And by the way, it is VERY VERY COMMON for little ones that have been sleeping wonderfully since birth to go through sleep changes. It continues … oh … till at least 2-3 years old! We try and be as consistent as we can with NB’s sleep, but she’ll always go through a phase here and there where her sleep patterns change.
Hi Noob Mommy….well I’m at a loss for words! We did the CIO about 3-4weeks ago and DD took about 8days to break. I even got to where i broke the nite time BF and her staying on the boob all nite. We got some great nites of catch up sleep for all of us! Well, I need much help….our naps are needing much help! During this whole transition her naps went down to an hours each (2 of them) to now only one nap around 1130ish. We are putting her down around 730ish and she is waking around 4ish and screaming for about an hour each time. We have to let her CIO as if we go and comfort she cries worse after we leave. Not sure what to do anymore or when this is gonna break! Any help and recommendations are much needed!!! THANKS!!!!
I don’t see a response to your comment, but this is EXACTLY what I am going through now. My little zombie baby will not nap for more than 10 minutes and I keep reading that the reason he’s not sleeping at night is because he’s not napping. How did you manage?
Hello every one,
I have a little 6 months old baby that normally does not have any issues falling asleep at bedtime on his own. Our concern is that he is still getting 1 bottle during the night, as its the fast approch to getting him back down. Should he be getting a bottle still as he is on solids? Also he is on antibotics as he had an ear infection…should I wait until he is feeling better, as we were doing well before he got sick.
Thanks
Sorry meant to say – should I wait to start the Ferber until he is feeling better?
Thanks for this article and all those who have posted questions and answers. I have a few of my own. I was very reluctant to start sleep training. I wanted to wait till my baby was eating solids, and on a schedule. I hoped that this would regulate her night sleeping. But by 4.5 months I could not function and I could tell my daughter was just dealing with bad habits. I figured that if I could get at least 1 4-hour stretch of sleep (which I hadn’t had since she was born), it would be worth it. We tried our own loose version of the Ferber method and things have definitely improved. Long story short,at 5 months, she now (often) sleeps from about 9pm-2am, sometimes even all the way till 5am. I stopped ‘the method’ and the routine has been ok. But I feel like I have hit a roadblock and I have a few questions. 1- Since we haven’t actually read the book and are relying on Internet research, my hubby and I have been arguing about how to ferberize and it’s taking a toll on our relationship. So if anyone can clarify: Let’s say it’s day 3 and we are waiting 10, 12, 15… and we are in the 15 minute stretch. She seems to have fallen asleep but after 13 minutes she starts crying. Do we restart a 15 minute count? Or do we go in after the remaining 2 minutes? 2- On a similar note, If she starts crying after 16 minutes, or 20 minutes, do we start back at 10 minutes? Or continue with 15 minute intervals?3- My baby does not have a routine. Because of where we live and our lifestyle, she often takes long naps in the car or stroller at different times every day. This is unavoidable and therefore she does not have a daily schedule. She is developing very well. She’s a very happy baby. So I am not terribly concerned about the lack of consistency. Our version of sleep training was to have a pre-sleep routine (day or night) of book, song, say goodnight to everything. This resulted in her now either going straight to sleep, or crying for 10 minutes at which point we go in, put her Pacifier back in and she falls asleep within 5 minutes. As far as I am concerned this is manageable. Question is, am I stunting further progress by keeping to this? Or should I just count my blessings that I found something that works?4- Since I am nursing, and she does not eat on a schedule, I worry that she may not have eaten enough on a particular day so I am tempted to feed her when she wakes up after 4-5 hours. If she goes back to sleep after an hour of crying it seems she is up again an hour later. Is this a sign that she is actually hungry?
Hi Mash,
How are things going since April 11th? I have not read the book either so I’m not sure how valuable my advice will be to you…
If the baby gets quiet or falls asleep, it is my opinion that you should restart the 15 min. The reason is that you want the baby to learn to soothe itself back to sleep. If you go back in any sooner, the baby will learn that it just has to wait then cry again to be given attention (yes, I believe a 3-4 mth baby is smart enough to learn that – at least mine was). But here’s the ultimate “acid test”, if you don’t see definite results by day 6 or 7, re-evaluate your method(s) – all of them because something is wrong. Again, the goal is to teach your baby to self-soothe, not to have it crying relentlessly all the time.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice regarding the routine, or lack of it. My LO is on a schedule now, she anticipates nap time and actually gets fussy in my arms until I put her down in her crib (with a nice, relaxing atmosphere)…she wants it!
I hope this helps…good luck to you!
Hey noob mommy!
It’s been great coming across your website! I need some advice. I have a 6 month, wonderful marshmallow who is struggling with naps. I find myself rocking and singing to him for
Longer than he actually sleeps i love cuddling with him but hes already 20 lbs (exclusively breastfed) and I find myself with a lot of back pain and frustration! I’m considering using the Ferber method but I’m not exactly sure how to implement it for naps. My son shows me all the tired signs, rubbing of eyes, yawning and fussing. I take him to the room, play lullabies while I feed him and then we read a book. He gets completely drowsy but once I put him down, his eyes open wide like he just had a shot of coffee or something. I say goodnight and leave the room and he just babbles and turns and turns for about 30 minutes. It’s like he’s having a great time in his crib. He cries after 30 minutes when he realizes that Im not around, I guess. So when do I start the Ferber method? How long do I let him cry?
I’m also afraid that nap training will affect his night sleep which I am happy with. He sleeps 8 straight hours, wakes up to feed, and back to sleep for another 2 hours or so.
Please, please help!
Sorry, I meant to ask: Do I start the Ferber waiting intervals when he starts crying or when I place him in his crib, even of he doesn’t cry?
Hi noob mommy! We are going to start this method tonight but I’m worried! Our daughter has been sleeping with us and has been rocked to sleep for the last 6 months.. Will this method work for us to transition her to the crib? I’m worried it will be such a huge difference for her that it will be too much? What do you think?
Hi, Noob. My son slept beautifully in the beginning, the at about 4 months started waking every 2 hrs. I never tight I would ferberize (didn’t with my 3 year old. She sttn at 7 months other own), but I am exhausted and frustrated!! We started last night but with the paci. He still woke every 2 hrs, but no nursing. Tonight, we decided no paci, because it seems to defeat the purpose to me. He went to bed at 6:45 (normal time), woke up at 8:30 and it is 9:40 and he is still not asleep! I don’t know what to do!! Please help…this is torture! He has to fall asleep at some point , right???? Any suggestions, anyone?
Wondering if I should take his musical mirror out of his crib for now while we’re ferbering? He seems to be knocking it around a lot and I don’t know if that’s going to mess with his ability to fall asleep. Any suggestions? His mobile only runs for a minute and actually wakes him up so we don’t use that. We have a noise machine that simulates the sound of the ocean in there as well, is this a good idea? I don’t want him to need perfect silence to sleep but I don’t want him to be too dependent on a constant noise because I have that problem.
Hi, JennieT. My question is above yours’ and since then, my baby boy is sleeping through the night! I cannot believe it!! It took about 3 nights to do it and I would suggest not using the sound machine. My son takes the pacifier and we decided not to go in and give him the pacifier back…it sort of defeated the purpose of it all! I would also say if the mirror is distracting him, take it off.
Does that make sense? Feel free to email me with any questions..i cannot believe how well it worked! We are all happier and my son is happier in the morning because he is so well rested!
I’m so happy I came across your post- maybe you can offer me some insight or help. I’m a teacher and I started summer break this week . I’ve had my little one home with me since. Monday seeing as she doesn’t need to be in daycare for the summer. I have been having the hardest time getting her to nap and sleep well- I feel like I reverted back to the ten week old I put in daycare when I started back to work.
She gets up at the same time more or less each day (7:30 am) and her bedtime during the school year was always no later than 8 pm but as early as 7:30 pm. She is now five months and this week she had been up at least once a night each night and three times on two nights this week. Her naps that used to be two hours are at most one hour now. I’ve been trying to have her cry through the intruder but it’s not working. Last night I veered only slightly from our typical bedtime routine and it took 90 minutes to settle her.
I don’t think she is feeding – like really nursing right now. She did just get her first two teeth but all shed seems to want to do is play and for me to hold her.
I’m logging all of her actions during the day and night to figur out what could be going on. I was shooting for a three hour schedule and move to a four hour schedule but at this point I feel like we have do many hurdles in front if us and I’m obsessed with mastering her sleep.
I’ve read several books and in trying to put together what world for us. I know I can’t let her get to far gone with her crying or she is inconsolable as evidenced by last night but I feel like shushing and patting her to sleep the way I am now will be something I am going to have to continue forever. I don’t want to have to nurse her to sleep. Right now I put her to sleep when she starts wiggling in my arms and running her eyes and yawning. That turns to crying some nights and lightly fussing others. I know I need to give this ax few more days but I dread bedtime right now and I feel so emotionally exhausted afte our battle last night.
Any advice would be so helpful! Thank you!!!
Gina
Hello,
Im so thankful to come across this site. There are so many forums out there where its impossible to have a sensible conversation about Ferberizing due to other peoples misguided judgements. At the end of the day we should all try to support each other rather than judge someone who’s shoes you are not standing in. Anyway rant over….sorry
I have a 6.5 month baby boy called Roscoe who is generally a lovely happy contented little thing, he’s small for his age – on the 9th percentile and he suffers from a milk allergy, he has specially prescribed formula and is now also weaned on three meals a day. He also still has a dreamfeed at around 10.30pm. I’ve tried stopping this but he struggles to settle and is hungry later in the night if I don’t give it. Something to do with the type and consistency of his milk i think. Anyway by the by, that’s just a bit of background info.
Regarding sleep, he has previously slept through the night (sttn) but not for some time, possible a good 6-8 weeks ago and it was only for a relatively short period of maybe 4 weeks on/off. Gradually since then his sleep has become worse and worse. To the point of him waking up to 10 times per night and sometimes it would take an hour or more to re-settle him, which usually would consist of me sitting by the cot or with him in my arms until he’s asleep. He also has a dummy. His day time sleep has also become terrible, now consisting of only about two 20 minute naps on the worst days and maybe two 45 minute naps on the best days. I tried to address all the age related issues – teething/separation anxiety/nightmares but couldn’t put it down to any of these over the length of time his sleep has regressed. So out of pure desperation I decided to try the Ferber Method – started yesterday!
So yesterday I did alot of reading on the Ferber Method during the day and printed some notes off to stick on his bedroom door, plus I made a progressive waiting chart to keep me on track. Last night we followed his usual bedtime routine, I added some lavender into an oil burner to create even more of a relaxing atmosphere and timer at the ready I took him to bed, I fed him his bottle and strangely he fell asleep!!!!! Bloody typical I thought, anyway I placed him in his cot and he stayed asleep. Ok so I’ll try again tomorrow night, thinking it’s probably best not to start this sort of thing in the middle of the night. I decided to have some tea, hadn’t eaten for about 8 hours…anyway soon as I sat down, he woke up! So here goes I thought….
I went into his room and lent into the cot, gave him a cuddle and tucked him back in, I left the room. He cried for 3 minutes so I went back into the bedroom and followed the process. Following that I completed 1 x 5 min interval and 3 x 10 min intervals and he finally fell asleep. My nerves were frazzled and I wondered how much longer I could have held out but I felt pleased. I gave him his dreamfeed successfully without waking him at 10.30pm and he slept until about 1.45am where he stirred and then cried. I checked up on him and found his nappy had leaked, we did a full change and then I kissed him gently, popped him back into his cot and there he stayed sleeping soundly until 6.10am. Amazing I thought!! The two previous nights had been awful to the point where I’d had to bring him into our bed just to try to get some sleep and he still woke regularly.
So today I’m trying to carry on the method but I have a few questions about naps. The first nap of the day is always the easiest to settle him and I followed his slimmed down daytime pre-sleep routine and put him to bed awake, he fell asleep but then woke after 20 mins. He chatted in the cot for maybe 20 mins so I didn’t go in but then he started grumbling. I went in thinking I’d start the process again after reassuring him, he’d done a poo so I changed him and put him back to bed. We went through 3 x min, 5 x min and 1 x 10 min intervals of crying, then half way through the second and final 10 minute interval I went in and ended the nap, he was very upset. Here are my questions:
1. If he falls asleep but then wakes up after only 20 mins, should I end the nap? Or carry on the routine?
2. If he’s not crying but awake and then starts crying after a while do I start the timer from when he starts crying or when he’s chattering and grumbling to himself?
3. When he gets tired again (probably before he’s been awake for 2.5 hrs) should I take him to bed for a nap or just stick to two naps a day one at 9 – 9.30am and one at 1pm ish?
We were following a 4 hour easy routine but because he wouldn’t sleep during the day it was difficult to keep this up.
Any help would be greatly appreciated. I really hope Roscoe continues to respond well to the routine……sleep at last!
Han – Thanks for your comment and I hope the Ferber method is working well for you! I believe that Ferber suggests ending a nap after about 45 minutes or so of crying at most. Also, to not let the little one take a nap randomly to make up for the missed nap (unless it’s in the car or something and you can’t help it of course). That way, the little one will be tired by the evening. I think if it’s after 20 minutes of sleep, you can just let him hang out for awhile and see if he falls back to sleep or just chats and keeps himself amused. Also, start the timer when he actually starts crying. Another thing, for a 6.5 month old … you may still want to have him take a little catnap in the later afternoon. I imagine that he must be getting tired again somewhere after the 1pm nap and bedtime? If he looks sleepy, definitely encourage him to get his rest so he won’t be cranky and will sleep better in the evening. Good luck!
Hello,
Now, I can lay her down in her crib and she usually falls asleep within minutes with little or no crying. It’s almost as though she wanted her own space as much as we wanted our space back!!
My baby girl is 3.5 months and we started the Progressive-Waiting Approach on July 2nd so today is day #9. All I can say is WOW! Before this, I was holding/breastfeeding/rocking/walking/crying with my little one [what seemed like] constantly (I am ashamed to admit that there were a couple days -not in a row- I didn’t even get to shower). I was so tired that I would start to nod off while rocking or breastfeeding her, I was scared I might drop her! Needless to say, it was beginning to drive a wedge in between me & my hubby…I was becoming more and more depressed seeing myself so disheveled all the time and feeling like I had lost my best friend too. Right up to the end of June (27th or 28th), she was still sleeping in bed with us, curled up next to mommy…actually, I believe it was my breast that she was curled up with
Of course, it was not easy. One night, I started to cry as I laid her in her crib for the evening (my eyes water now thinking back on it). Like Noob Mommy says in her comments, there are ups & downs but don’t give up…I found that this is just as much training for the clingy, hovering mother as it is for the “needy” baby (because we all want our LO’s to love us/run to us/reach for us/etc). Prior to sleep training (since she was about 1 month old), she was always so fussy/cranky and only wanted me to hold her – my hubby was literally feeding me dinner. Now, she is a much sweeter, happier baby when she’s awake…she’ll sit in her swing, play on her toy gym, and let other people hold her.
I know that my baby girl is young but I also know she was ready for this. From day #1, I never let her get too upset, I would soothe her and pick her up for a few minutes if necessary. Plus, I can tell when she is crying because she is mad vs. when she really needs me. I also had to re-evaluate my technique. At first, I just wanted her to go to sleep on her own so I wasn’t too worried about the schedule part. Consequently, just earlier this week (Sunday/Monday), I found that she would go down for naps but then wake up rather quickly (after 30-45 minutes)…and that was mimicked at night too. Tuesday I had an epiphany: her schedule should be static and not dependent [so much] on when she cries. So when she woke up early from her nap, I waited, and sure enough she went back to sleep on her own (and stayed asleep longer). Now, Wednesday, I am waking her up from her naps! Last night, she ate at 11:00 (dream feed) and then woke up at 3:30 & 6:00 to eat again…not that bad (she’s in her own room in her crib). I will post an updated comment with our progress.
One last thing, the detailed journal is a must! It really does help to look back at the progress and to see the new patterns developing. Hindsight is always 20/20 but you will look back and be happy that you stuck through it!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with the Progressive-Waiting Approach! I love to hear other success stories. It’s amazing how your quality of life can improve with SLEEP! I’m glad it went well for you, and like you said… oftentimes it’s Mommy or Daddy being too clingy, which is detrimental to baby’s rest. Yes with the detailed journal as well! It’s so important to put everything in perspective.
Hello all! I need MAJOR help/ advice/ some shedding of light! I posted a comment in May and decided to go with Ferber. It worked wonderfully after 10 days of training! My marshmallow would lay quietly and in 15 minutes he was asleep. He took long naps and was able to put himself back to sleep in between sleep cycles. HOWEVER… Now 8 months, we are plagued (but excited nonetheless) with a combination of teething, crawling, and this week standing on his own! This all began two weeks ago. I was very careful to not “mess up” the hard work of training, so I tried not to rock my lilttle marshmallow (LM) back to sleep. I did nurse more frequently because it was the only thing that helped with the pressure of teething. I rocked LM until he was drowsy and then put him down. It seemed to be working until teething became more intense (two teeth in one week and I see more gum swelling). Rocking back to sleep creeped back in!
NOW, back to square one, at least I’m afraid I am. His naps have gone back to 15- 30 minutes and when transitioning from one sleep cycle to another, he wakes up screaming. I go to him and just by seeing me, he lays down right away and waits to be patted back to sleep. Night time has been affected too! He was so good at night, sleeping 6-8 hours straight and then going right back after a feed for another 2-3 hours. Now LM does 4 hours, feeds, 2 hours, sometimes feeds or just needs to know I am there, and then just 3 hours more. He used to sleep 10-11 hours at night and now he is sleeping 8-9 hours (7-5:45 or 6 am)! He feeds only once at night but wakes up several times and I find him with his eyes closed, but sitting in his crib, standing in the crib, or rocking in his crib.
Should I retrain? What about teething again? Please, please, please help! I feel so frustrated, sad, and anxious. Is anyone out there?
Dear Tannia, Your story sounds familiar. We had great success with Ferber when my little one was about 7 months old. Then, one thing after another. She had a bad cold, and needed to sleep semi-upright (in the recliner with Mommy). We traveled out of state to visit my parents for two weeks, where she slept part of the night in a pack-n-play and part of the night with us in the guest bed. The heat in our apartment was off for several nights (this was in January). We let her sleep with us to keep warm. We thought all these things would ruin what we had accomplished with Ferber. But it wasn’t so bad. Yes, we had to retrain, but the second time around we knew what worked and what didn’t work. We had a similar situation about a month ago when she started to stand and teethe all at once. By that time she had been sleeping so well that I thought something must be seriously wrong when she woke up crying in the middle of the night. So I picked her up to soothe her several nights in a row. Now I realize there was nothing terribly wrong. These were all age-appropriate sleep interruptions. We had also decided to give up the pacifier at the same time. Talk about bad timing. So we had to re-retrain! This time it was harder because she could stand up and also had developed a bit of a temper! We had one really bad night and a couple of not-so-good nights. But it did get better again. I think it’s normal to have occassional sleep problems as babies grow and develop, even after Ferberizing. For us and our daughter, I now expect to have these problems every time the teething pain is really severe. She simply can’t sleep through that. Infant’s ibuprofen seems to work well for us in that case, and she usually goes back to sleep fairly easily after that. So, in short, I guess my advice is, don’t be discouraged, go back to what worked the first time, make adjustments if necessary based on differing circumstances, be prepared to retrain from time to time, and trust your instincts as a parent. Hope this helps! Michelle
Good advice Michelle! Tannia, I wish I had some advice for you too but my LO is just 3.5 mth…however, it is nice to know this stuff in advance so I can anticipate it. Thank you both for sharing! Hang in there Tannia and keep us posted on the progress. At least we can turn here for support during the hard times.
P.S. Little marshmallow, cute!
Thank you ladies! It’ s great to know that I am not the only mommy experiencing this! Today I started (very slowly) training again. I’m holding and cuddling longer before putting him down and I help him a little by quick pats and some singing, but i don’t let him fall asleep. For this week I may just hold off a bit to see if the new swollen gums give LM some new pearly whites. Also, we are moving this month and LM will have his own room. Yet another new adjustment!
This motherhood roller coaster ride is definitely teaching me that some of the most certain things, as far as day to day parenting, can be uncertain. and it’s OK. I appreciate your advice Michelle about embracing all the wonderful developmental changes. I guess I was honestly getting so hung up on perfect sleep, that I was missing just enjoying LM. Especially with the summer, we want travel, go to the beach or wherever. I was beginning to get anxious that I wouldn’t be able to do any of that with these terrible naps and night sleep. I didn’t want to always change things on LM, that wouldn’t be fair at all. That’s why I’m going to wait until maybe we move to officially dive into Ferber again. Until then, if things continue like today, LM and I will be just fine. I really hope that the second time around, LM catches on soon.
First off, love your blog!!!! My little Princess is on the EASY 4 hour schedule, she was sleeping through the night until about 4 weeks ago when she started to wake faithfully at 4am, initially I fed her because she was still young and I thought she was hungry but over time I started to realize it was more habit then hunger. So I started the ferber method, kinda of, lol, I know I’m not being as faithful as I need to be. Here are my concerns, generally she feeds between 6-7pm and down to sleep around 8pm, we feel like she still needs that last feed so hubby feeds her between 10pm and 11pm, we’ve tried the dream feed and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. She’s a good sized baby, at 4 months she weights about 16lbs, so do you think she can do without that last feeding? Also I think I’ve created a soother demon because she wakes frequently to have it replaced, when I do she falls back to sleep but for some reason at that 4am wake up she won’t fall back as easily. Help!!!!
Brie- I’m going to just go ahead and go with Ferber’s recommendation that you don’t start training until she’s about 6 months of age. Although she may be totally capable of sleeping long stretches without feeding (you mentioned she’s a good sized baby), I wouldn’t want to give you bad advice and say she REALLY is able to skip those middle of the night feedings. I’d wait another month or two then really reevaluate the situation. Also at 4 months, there’s a notorious growth spurt which could explain why she’s suddenly needing that 4 am feeding (although the exact timing of it does sound a little habitual). Might as well just wait and save yourself the doubt!
Naps! HELP PLEASE! Ok I read a few of the earlier posts about the naps. My angel is 2 months old. I have two other boys and fully believe in CIO. We follow the E.A.S.Y. pattern, though maybe not to the minute. He is actually not doing badly during the night, usually 4-6 hours, but the daytime is just a mess. It gets worse as the day goes on, as I’m sure he’s getting more overtired. I’m confused as to what to do. He also sleeps 30-40mins at a time. He then wakes up. I let him cry and he usually goes back to sleep for a few minutes, then wakes up, cries for a few minutes, sleeps a few, cries a few etc. My first instinct was to just let him continue this cycle until we reach the 3 hour mark for the next feeding and eventually he’ll learn to sleep longer. Does this seem right to you? Sometimes I feel like he’s just learning to cry longer rather than learning to self soothe. I am definitely not self soothing and crying more!!! I think I’ve been doing this consistently for about a week-week and a half, though it’s kind of a blur. Should I just continue to stick it out? Your advise would be so appreciated!!! Thank you
Hi boyzmamax3,
Are you keeping a log? I ask because you said it’s kind of a blur…I know that feeling, it begins to look like a bowl of q-tips after a while (especially if you aren’t sleeping). I have two things I wanted to share which I hope helps:
(1) Last week my baby girl’s schedule was all messed up. She started teething and the 3-hr EASY just wasn’t agreeing…she was crying a lot before she fell asleep (after doing very well previously), waking up after approx. 45 minutes, and I was waking her up at the end of the nap frequently too. Oh yeah, she just turned 4 months too. So Sunday we started the 4-hr EASY and with just a few minor adjustments/customizations, presto-chango el schedule is back! She gets fussy when she wants to be put down in her crib, hardly cries, wakes up once at night and takes two long naps during the day. She actually plays in her crib (quietly & sweetly) when she wakes up…unless she’s hungry of course. So maybe try playing with the timing & length of the nap. For instance, maybe keep him up a little longer before his first nap.
(2) The detailed log is a must for me! Sometimes I’m still sleeping (in my mind) or I’ve got a million things going on at once and 10 minutes after feeding her I can’t remember how long or if I even just fed her or not. Since I’ve been keeping logs, there is no question. Plus, I find that on the bad days, I refer back to the good days as a reference.
Good luck!
Hi everyone,
My daughter is 1.5 years old now and we have never established a good sleeping pattern with her. We have done rocking, co-sleeping, nursing to sleep and usually she goes back to sleep quite quickly. But after 1.5 years of no long stretches of sleep I am getting quite frustrated. With us considering a second baby as well, I feel we need to tackle the problem now. Soooo, when my OH is out of town for a week in a few days, I am planning to start sleep training. Due to building work in our house, we all share the bedroom so this will give me a chance to sleep on the sofa while my daughter stays in her own bed without mum being right next to her. Hopefully this will help. I do wonder how different sleep training is at this age though. Most responses I have read on here are about much younger children (I know, I know, who on earth lets a sleep problem continue for soooo long???). My little one will of course stand up in her cot, even try to climb out (which she can’t yet do). Do I go in to put her back down every time? Do I only put her back down during my checks between the waiting times. Or do I not put her down at all and just leave her standing up until she decides to lie down?
She is a very small child, only at 9 month old weight and height by now which is one of the reasons we waited so long to do this. But by now she is capable of going without feeds at night so I thought let’s do it!
Wish me luck!
We’re on our sixth night of Ferber and honestly, our little 6 month old guy is doing so much better than I ever thought possible. For the last couple nights he’s been crying for less than 8 minutes and sometimes less than a minute (even for naps)! My husband and I have quickly become Ferber believers! However, I’m so confused as to what to do about the middle of the night wakings. Do I let him CIO with checks or do I nurse him? Prior to Ferberizing, he was used to cosleeping and nursing when he wanted to throughout the entire night. Half the time I was half asleep and so was pretty unaware as to how much he was feeding and whether he was actually nursing or just comfort feeding. His wakings now during the training are so random and inconsistent each night . And I’m always so worried that he’s waking up starving and most of the time have been either giving in and feeding him or feeding him right away before putting him back down with checks. Can you help me Noob Mom (or anyone else for that have gone through something similar)?? Here is what has happened the first 5 nights. Maybe someone else can see some sort of pattern that I don’t see:
Night 1 – woke up crying at 11:30, I caved at 12:45 and fed him, woke again at 4:15 and I just nursed him and he cried for an hour (with checks) before going back to bed
Night 2 – woke at 2 and rolled around whining but not crying (therefore no checks) for an hour then went back to sleep, woke at 4:45 whining for an another hour (not crying, no checks) until I felt bad and nursed him at 5:45 after which he went to bed without any crying for another hour.
Night 3 – slept straight through until 4(!), then woke up whining for half an hour (no checks), but given the time, I was worried he might be hungry, so I nursed him and put him back in the crib (he went back to sleep after half an hour of crying (with checks)
Night 4 – he woke up at 11:15 and cried (with checks) for an hour and 45 minutes!! I felt so horrible and couldn’t stand to hear him crying for longer than this so I nursed him and he went immediately to sleep when I put him back in the crib after that and slept through until 7.
Night 5 – he woke upat 1:30 and at this point I’m so confused as to feed or just wait it out and do checks that I go nurse him after15 minutes of crying with checks. When I put him back down after nursing he cries for over an hour before falling asleep until 6.
Should I stop feeding him when he wakes or do you think he still needs a feeding at 1-2 and another one at 4?
Citkat20 – At 6 months, your little one should be capable of sleeping that long stretch through the night without having to eat. It is very likely that he’s waking up and comfort feeding. If you want to follow the proper Progressive Waiting method, then you should be cutting out those middle of the night feedings (which is why Ferber recommends not starting his training until around 6 months when our little ones have the stomach capacity to eat more and sleep longer). I think by going in and feeding occasionally and inconsistently, your little one is going to get mixed signals. Hope this helps!
Okay, mommas. We did Ferber method 10 months ago. It has worked to an extent but my son (who is now 19 months) still cries EVERY single night at bed time. Every. Single. Night. And not for just a few minutes. We did have a couple months of that, but now we’re back to him crying for 30 min- 1 hour every night. Screaming, actually. It’s hell for my husband and me. The doctor attributes it to him being a very stubborn kid (which he is) and my mom is convinced it’s because he’s a genius (also true, obviously!) He is a very happy kid during the day and doesn’t resist bed time until the moment we walk out of his room. Then he screams bloody murder until he goes to sleep. We have tried everything the books and his doctor suggest, but nothing seems to work. I would have no qualms about patting him to sleep, but if we do, he wakes up multiple times during the night expecting the same. If he cries it out, he sleeps all night.
All this bed time stress is really beginning to wear on my husband and me and we are just about at the end of our ropes.
If ANYONE has a creative suggestion, please, please please let me know!
I am soooo sorry SOOOO frustrated!,
My LO is just 4 months but I have two ideas that might help…maybe.
1) Dr. Bach’s Rescue Remedy – they are flower essences that help calm & all natural (of course).
2) Keep him up longer before bedtime so that he doesn’t have the energy to fight that long. When I want to make sure my little angel sleeps & stays asleep (so I can take a nice bath or something), I just keep her up a little longer by cutting her preceding nap short (by maybe 30 minutes to an hour). She does start to get a little cranky towards the end but I just plan a walk in the stroller or a bath around that time to keep her distracted. For your little guy, maybe adjust the amount of nap time during the day & see if that helps at night…
I hope that helps! Good luck!
I have a question….at what point do you feed them if they wake during the night? My 4 month old usually eats 1-2 times a night. Your instructions just say to start the timing process over but not if/when you should feed. Thanks (I’m trying to avoid having to read the book)
Brooke- The Progressive Waiting approach (CIO) shouldn’t be started until about 5-6 months of age … at which point your little one should have the ability to sleep through the night without having to wake up to eat… that’s why there is no mention of feeding in the training. At this point, I’d probably wait another month or so until your little one can go through the night to start your sleep training. However, if you want to get your little one started on some self-soothing … you should try and put him down semi-awake and let him get used to falling asleep on his own (a little fussing doesn’t hurt).
Thanks for your reply!! I really need to do something now or I’ll go insane. If we leave him in there to learn to self soothe when we first put him down he doesn’t just fuss he screams bloody murder until he’s red and can’t breathe. I feel like I shouldn’t let him cry that hard….suggestions? I’m really at the end of my rope. Naps are even worse than night.
Hi Brooke,
My LO is 4.5 months old & I know how you feel. We successfully moved her from our bed to her crib with the progressive wait method…she actually won’t sleep in bed with us anymore, she fusses to be put in her crib. She still wakes up 1-2 times per night to eat, which is fine with me until she gets older, but she can and does self-soothe (she’ll even play & talk in her crib when she wakes up).
I started training during the day with her naps because I was more coherent to keep track of the time and judge the type of cry (keep a journal, it helps to look back). If you know he is fed and has a clean diaper, the cry is going to be bloody murder but it will probably have an angry “feel” to it…like he is screaming at you not calling for you. I learned there was a distinct difference for me and my baby, when she was angry she would kick really hard and scratch at her face (mittens help). I just followed the progressive wait method during the day and at bedtime…during the night when she woke up, I’d feed her and she would fall back to sleep (I avoided changing her diaper at first -unless its a #2- but now I can change her and she soothes herself back to sleep). I noticed a huge difference within the first few days and now I have a completely different baby! If he’s not currently on a schedule, I would suggest that too, it helped me learn/judge the type of cry and created some stability for both of us.
P.S. Headphones with music help me & daddy too
Also your naptime section says to stop after 30 minutes but then what do you do? You have a really tired/fussy baby on your hands. Just rock him to sleep like I normally do and try again next nap?
I would avoid rocking him to sleep at all costs. I just continued the longest interval…3 min, 5 min, 10 min, 10 min, 10 min… After 45 min to an hour, if she was still showing no signs of falling asleep or calming down, I would end the nap. You will have a fussy, cranky baby but try to keep him up for an hour or so (maybe in a swing or give a bath) and then try again…he’ll be sleepier and maybe fight less. I found that my LO would fall asleep in her swing watching cartoons. She would fuss a bit but I’d just keep doing chores around the house to where she could see me every now & then…next thing I know, it would get quiet and she would be sleeping.
It’s not easy at first and there were several times I felt like throwing in the towel (like I’m sure every mother experiences)…but just be patient, pay attention to the cues the baby is giving you (but still set the boundaries), and look back at your journal, you should start to see some patterns emerging that you can either go with & work into the schedule or try to curb.
Good luck & keep your head up!
I don’t really understand what to journal? As I write this I’m waiting one hour before I try to put him down again. Last time he fell asleep for about five minutes and overall I waited an hour. I just feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. So many questions,
Brooke – Wolfpup is right on about not rocking back to sleep. If he doesn’t fall asleep at naptime after 45 minutes, end the nap. He may be tired later on and fall asleep elsewhere (like in the car, stroller, bouncy, etc.) which is fine. But the whole point of the training is NO MORE ROCKING
You are cutting out all sleeping crutches. If you are serious about the training and find that you have many questions, it is worth checking the book out from the library or picking up a copy (check out my Must Have’s section to find the link) so you can see examples of how to journal/document each day. There are many FAQ’s and special needs circumstances explained in there as well.
Ok I’m trying again with him in his crib, starting the minutes over. He’s extra tired since no nap earlier so fingers crossed! The weird thing is that about a month ago I got him to nap in his crib for about a week and then the next week he refused. After that he would only sleep on us with rocking. This is all so confusing. Thanks
Consistency is important. It’s life you are dealing with…some days are really good and others can be a bit off, and some feel like they’re just horrible. Just remain consistent…although the timing may vary slightly here & there, when the baby is tired and it’s time for a nap, do the same thing over & over & over again…kiss on the head, put down in the crib, tucked in and walk away (do it, just walk away). And if he wakes up in five minutes, don’t run to him immediately…let him cry for 5 minutes, he may surprise you and go back to sleep. Eventually, the baby may even start to anticipate nap/bedtime…he’ll see you walking up to the crib and start crying before you even lay him down or start sucking his thumb and close his eyes. It’s your consistency that will get you both through all the various stages (teething, growth spurts, etc). You can do it!
Hi all, we are doing the ferber method. Our little guy is 9 months old and used to wake every 3 hours, I would nurse him 1-2 time after bedtime. By day 5 he woke once and I gave him a short nursing session; day 6 he didnt wake up at all – success! But day 7 is here and Im writing this at 4:30am, hes been crying on and off since 3:30, what the heck! Is this supposed to happen? What do I do? My instinct is pick him and nurse him but my instinct reinforced his waking
Novamom- At 9 months I would bet that your little one is still comfort nursing. The purpose of sleep training is to wean your little one off of any sleep crutches. So, yes… go against your instinct here if your goal is to be consistent with sleep training. By occasionally nursing and other times having him cry only makes for a very confused baby. Consistency in your choice is key. Good luck
We are on day #2 of Ferber method & our son is starting to get better at night. Naps, however, I have questions about. My little guy will fall asleep fine on his own, but only sleep for 30min before he’s up and fussing. I can tell he’s still tired, so I rock him back to sleep and put him down ( probably the wrong move ). My question is, how long does the nap have to be before you let them cry it out to fall back asleep. Some other books say anything over 30mins you should let them get up, but 30mins is not a restful nap. Help! =)
ReidsMama – Ferber recommends ending the nap after 45 minutes or so. If he’s tired (which he probably will be), it’s ok to let him fall asleep elsewhere if that happens (like in the car seat out on errands, etc.) Shoot for an early bedtime so he’s not overtired in the evening. The nap is the hardest part to train in the beginning, but be consistent. Definitely do not rock him. That is exactly the opposite of the purpose of sleep training.
My LO is 4 months old and used to sleep about 5 hours/wake to feed/sleep 2 hours/wake to feed/sleep another hour or 2 and be awake. The last two weeks he has been sleeping about 3 hours/feed/then up about every 20-45 minutes. I’ve been feeding him every time he wakes because it’s the only way he will go back to sleep, but it is getting a bit ridiculous. He will eat for 30 seconds and then doze off again. Should I let him CIO for all the other times he wakes aside from the standard two feedings we were doing, then phase those out when he is a little older? I’m so tired I can’t see straight.
Thanks so much for the Cliff’s Notes version of a very wordy book. I can tell most of these moms are first timers. Let me assure you that the Ferber method does not get any easier with subsequent children. It is still positively heart breaking for this hardened mother of 3 stubborn girls to hear my little Pumpkin wailing.
That said, every child has responded differently to the method. My eldest was a 28 week preemie, so things began much later for her. Ironically, she is the only one of my children who slept through the night on her own. I STILL have to re-Ferb my two year old every few months. Stubborn!
I am now working the method on my 3 month old. Because of her position on the growth chart (95th), her ped has recommended early induction. Have any of you had success with such a young child? Scares me a bit even though I know from experience that there is absolutely NO permanent damage caused by a little crying. Both of my older children are very loving and affectionate, despite having used what some moms call the “heartless” method.
3eggnest – I’ve never trained at such a young age, but if you follow the Babywise parenting method (author Gary Ezzo), he does practice setting young ones early on on routines and schedules with some delayed checkins etc. If your pediatrician feels it may work, it may be worth a try by starting slowly. Delaying your check-ins and going in little by little when she wakes up or letting her cry a little bit at bedtime to see if she’ll just fall asleep. My question is if her tummy can go so long without needing a feed even if she is a healthy chunker
Good luck! Keep us posted!
Honestly, I don’t understand the benefits of CIO, especially since most kids will have a “sleep regression” at some point. So, you endure your baby crying for a week or so when they are 5 months old and then they ‘learn how to self soothe’ and everything is wonderful. But then they are 9 months and you have to do it again, and then again at 12 months and 18 month and after every teething/sick episode… So, what’s the point? Isn’t it better to wait till they are ready to be independent, which they will be eventually, and just enjoy your baby and not force him/her to sleep on their own?
I have 3 kiddos, and rocked/nursed all of them to sleep, never CIO’d. The oldest 2 (ages 3 and 6) are wonderful, independent sleepers, never had ‘before bed battles’. And the youngest one is 4 months-old and co-sleeping. And I love it, and cherish those moments, because I know that she’ll be out of our bed and independent very soon. Enjoy your babies, ladies, they grow up way too soon. What’s one-two years of nursing/rocking them to sleep, compare to years of them sleeping on their own in their own beds, rooms, and eventually houses when they move out? Will you really cherish the memories of your baby screaming the room, alone, and you curled up in the fetus position with a bottle of licour?
Kanadka – I appreciate your differing opinion. But it sounds like the way you’re describing your little ones and how you never had “before bed battles,” that you aren’t one of the many who do suffer from true sleep association problems. Real problems with rocking and/or other sleep crutches is truly a trip to hell and back. We are talking HOURS upon HOURS of rocking to sleep…only to set the little babe down to have their eyes pop open in a flash. Repeat this 5+ more times a night or at each and every naptime for months on end. Then tell me if that is the “fond” cuddly memory us CIO parents want to remember years down the road. Honestly, no. Not only is that type of very bad sleep association hard on us parents physically, but it is so mentally fatiguing and frustrating that there can be MANY days, nights, afternoons where a parent will feel resentful and hopeless. And this type of frequent awakening is also bad for the developing baby’s brain as many pediatricians will tell you. So when you say that you have wonderful independent sleepers, I hope you appreciate how luck you are! Many many parents who email me and post here on this blog are not in the same situation as yourself and are often at the end of their ropes. And in fact, those who have tried CIO with success, such as myself, find that our lives, marriages and overall happiness have improved threefold with just about a weeks worth of training. Yes, yes, yes there are benefits to CIO for the health and development of every party involved! And for your concerns about sleep regressions. I honestly believe these afflict EVERY child. We are not talking about retraining (for weeks) each and every time. These small regressions which happen with teething, illness, growth spurts, traveling, visitors, moving, etc. etc. happen to every child when their normal routine is disrupted. And these regressions are usually over just as quick as they came. These regressions involve some extra comfort and attention with some reinforcement of CIO. I hope all my readers are enjoying their little noobs each and everyday. Cuddles, snuggles and kisses are never short around here.
Hi Noob Mommy, thank you for not deleting my ‘different opinion’ post!
It’s very rare to have a civilized discussion with someone who have different views, especially on such heated topic as CIO.
Just wanted to clarify some things – my kids weren’t by any means easy babies, but I guess we didn’t have bed time battles because we were co-sleeping, so there was no need for rocking and putting a kid down and doing it multiple times due to him waking up as soon as his head would touch a pillow. So, in that sense my experience was much easier than of those mommies who rock their kiddos to sleep and then set them down in the crib.
I realize that co-sleeping is not suitable for everyone, but aren’t there other ‘no cry’ ways to put your little one to sleep? There is a book called “No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantley, that talks about getting your baby to sleep without resorting to CIO.
Another thing is, you said that there are health benefits to CIO, although it’s more benefits of uninterrupted sleep. However, there were studies done that suggest that excessive CIO might be harmful to baby’s brain development (ex.http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out). I’m sure you’ve done your research and are aware of both pros and cons of CIO, so I’m not going to elaborate on that.
In the end, sleep training is a personal choice and I believe that each family needs to do what’s best for them. What saddens me, though, is a growing trend of ‘pushing’ babies and kids to grow up and be independent before they are ready. And I think using CIO for sleep training is a part of that trend.
Hi Kanadka,
Just a response to your last statement…CIO does not necessarily mean pushing your baby to be independent. My baby is exclusively breastfed and we’re together constantly playing, kissing, hugging, etc. What saddens me is that all of that cute, sweet baby experience was just not happening before because she basically cried all the time (whether she was being held, rocked, etc. didn’t matter). After just a few short days of the “Progressive Wait Method” I had a completely different, happy baby. I’m not going to explain the method used because I’m sure you’ve done your research.
Noob Mommy has done a great job putting together a website that supports other mommies in this type of situation…which is really hard to find. There are several, upon several other websites full of alternative methods if that’s the road you choose. Thanks Noob Mommy!
Thank you Wolfpup for your feedback and support! This post has definitely morphed into a mini support group for other parents out there who have chosen to implement the Ferber approach. I love that we can all share our experiences and positive results here in a supportive way!
Hi Noob Mommy! A couple of years ago, I had posted a question to you and really appreciated your input, as I was in the midst of deciphering first time parenthood and freaking out about getting my baby to sleep through the night before going back to work. Well, here I am again, now re-reading and re-visiting past resources that helped me get through infanthood, as we welcomed baby #2 in August 2012.
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So I was THRILLED to find out when checking your website that your family welcomed Noob baby 2.0 earlier this year – CONGRATULATIONS!
It’s funny how much one forgets regarding caring for a baby during the first few months, but I guess it’s a blessing, and so we find ourselves having more children
The E.A.S.Y. routine worked well with my first born, and he continues to be a great sleeper at 2 years (11 hour nights and 3-4 hr aft nap)- that is not to say that bed time battles don’t exist
Now I have a sweet daughter and am trying to figure things out all over again. She currently is 6 weeks old and overall is a mellow baby. From the beginning she easily slipped into an E.A.S.Y. 3 hours routine. My confusion this time around is sorting out her evening routine. Currently I “put her to bed” for the night at 9 after her “last” feed. I haven’t been doing the cluster feed scheduled in the early afternoon, as she does not take cat naps during that time and mostly will sleep after her activity post the 6 pm feed until 9 pm. After 9 pm, I have not been doing the dream feed (I didn’t find it to make a difference for my son’s sleep night duration) so my daughter ends up sleeping from 9 pm until about 1:30 am. My issue this time around is that after her 1:30 feed, she wakes up WAY to early, as in 5:30 am. I try to hold off on starting the first feed until 6 am, but it’s hard. So that’s how we end up on a 3-hour routine with feed times of 6, 9, 12, 3, 9 and 1 am. Do you have any suggestions on how to delay wake up time (I guess the first feed time)? I would love if she could wake up at 7 am, or even 6:30 am, but 5:30 am for me is ungodly early! Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!!!
Ps. Your website/blog is the best!
Hi Noob Mommy! We are on Day #2 of the Ferber nap training. Our daughter sleeps very well at night, but refuses to nap during the day unless she’s being held. So this is sort of slow going… This afternoon she fell asleep with only a yelp– but only slept for 10 minutes. I let her get up. Same thing later– she fell asleep with only a yelp–but only slept for 25 minutes. Then she was screaming for 5 and I let her get up. I’m thinking this was wrong, right? How long should I “enforce” the nap for if she keeps doing this little catnap silliness?
Allison – Ferber recommends letting the nap go for about 45 minutes before ending the nap. I would definitely let her cry a bit longer (with the checks) until the 45 minute mark. I also recall that naps were quite difficult to get “trained” right off the bat. Try and be consistent! It is very confusing for the LO’s to be training at night, then not at nap times, then at night again, etc… if you know what I mean. There will be several days of rocky naps , some crankiness, and maybe falling asleep running errands etc. which is fine. Once everything clicks, it will help with all sleep overall! Good luck to you!
Thanks for your help! The funny thing is that at night, I nurse her, burp her, and put her in bed. She’s always asleep then so it really isn’t an issue to train her at night. Once in a while she does wake up to nurse a few extra minutes– but I let her do that because my main concern is that she’s well fed for the night.
Tomorrow is another day– hopefully the napping goes a little smoother
Thanks again!
Hi Noob Mommy! New question for you: according to the napping explanation on the website, I’m supposed to end the nap if she hasn’t gone to sleep and it’s been 30 minutes. Then that means I only might get to do part of the waiting increments? Am I understanding that correctly?
Hi noob mommy, I would love some advice from you about my nearly 9 month old boy, he is breastfed and currently on three meals a day. The problem is i always feed him to sleep or if he still ain’t asleep after feeding I rock him, this goes for naps as well, and we co sleep at night and even naps, it’s getting so hard because he hasn’t learned the trick of getting to sleep or getting back to sleep on his own he uses me every time he wakes, always using my nipple as a dummy then rocking, and this happens at least 10 times a night!! I’m so exhausted and down, I’m on my own for most part of his life as my partner works away and is only ever home a few weeks then away again, so this time when he is back I will try the Ferber method, we only live in a one bedroom apartment so will this effect the Ferber method for instance if I do get him to sleep by leaving him but then he wakes in the night, should I get out of bed and leave my room?? And if he does wake up how long should I leave him before offering him a feed or do you think he doesn’t really need now being 9 months and on 3 meals a day? And finally do I start Ferber training on night and daytime naps straight away or will this be to much? Looking forward to your advice .
Lisa, I am on the same boat as you! I have an almost 8 month old boy that we once used the Ferber method successfully at 4 months, but then my husband and I moved out of our 1 bedroom apartment and into a house with 4 other people!!! So when my son started waking in the middle of the night, I had no choice but to pick him up out of his crib and nurse him to sleep in bed with me, half the time falling asleep with him. This included naps too. Since he was 5 months old, he would roll out of his boppy, papazan chair, or swing during naps and the only way to get him to nap was to nurse him to sleep in bed and STAY with him, otherwise he would wake after 10 minutes and crawl off the bed. Now that he is almost 8 months, we just moved into a 2 bedroom and tonight was actually his 1st night on his own. He cried for 50 minutes, and here it is 4am the same morning and he just fell asleep after 30 minutes of crying. After my son gets to sleep on his own at night, I’m going to wait a few days then start training him for napping in his crib. It’s heartbreaking to hear him cry, but we moms have to realize that the crying isn’t out of necessity anymore, it’s out of habit of using the boob as a way to fall asleep. It’s tough, but everyone will be happy in the long run! Even your baby will wake up with smiles and eagerness to see you!
Night 2 of Ferber method was only 15 minutes of crying!!! Huzzah!!!
At 7.5 months my son was falling asleep on his own when i put him to bed (woohoo) but would wake for two overnight bottles…sometimes asking for a third!…he apparently loves a sleep deprived mommy. Hubs and I decided to let him keep one overnight bottle for now….just in case knocking out all would starve him….how nice of us. Night 1: fell asleep on own….woke and received first and now only bottle…back to bed immediately….second waking poor little guy cried for 27 minutes then finally (after some serious praying…which I never do) passed out and didn’t wake up until the morning. Night 2: fell asleep on own….woke for one bottle and woke up again in morning! Nights 3 and 4: woke up once for bottle and another time woke up and stood up….i ran in his room, kissed him, laid him back down, said goodnight, hopped back in bed and stared at the monitor…success….fast asleep! Crisis diverted! Last night he fell asleep on his own, had the same standing” situation once and he didn’t wake up until the morning! Hoping he is weaning himself off that last bottle since he didn’t take it last night…..otherwise we Ferberize him in a month or so.
A week before we planned on starting Ferber he started fighting me on going to bed….big time! It took two nights of going back in his room to let him know mommy meant business! hubby offered to go in. It I said I think he needs to know when I put him down it’s bedtime….not time for daddy to come in…think he got the message!
Naps are another story. He was awesome napping in his crib….starting to fight me on it and we are suckers….he has been in the swing for a good two weeks. Ferber and naps are so much harder! We just need to brave it up and work on naps! I
Hi Rebecca good to know I’m not the only one, I’m glad you had a little less crying on your 2nd night, fingers crossed tonight is even better for you!!! I will be starting the Ferber method next week when my partner is home, just a couple questions to you, when u tried the Ferber method previously with you baby you mentioned about being in a one bedroom apartment, so when your baby did get to sleep and if woke in the night, how did you handle the situation, being all in the same bedroom? I will be moving in 2 months to a much bigger place and my little boy can have his own room but I can’t wait another 2 months of having sleep deprivation. That’s why I’m really going try the Ferber method before, fingers crossed for me
Also when do you give your last feed? Right before bed, or sometime before, hope you don’t mind me asking you questions, I’m a first time mum and very nervous to start the Ferber method
Hi Lisa! I’m also a first time mommy so this was all new to me too. When we were in the 1 bedroom apartment, I would nurse him then put him to bed (it’s not recommended because they get faster wet diapers, but I didn’t like the idea of feeding my little one early and putting him to bed hungry.) immediately, and if he woke up in the middle of the night, I would bring him to bed with me, nurse him till he fell asleep again, then carefully put him back in his crib still asleep. It didn’t solve the problem of self soothing back to sleep, but it kept my husband sane and well rested for his work which took 12 hr shifts 6 days a week! oiy! But now that my little boy is in his own room, he’s been very good on going right to sleep when I put him in his crib, and only wakes up once at night for a diaper change and goes right back to sleep. Naps, now thats a whole other ideal I will have to face starting this Monday, since I need a weekend to relax before the tears start again!
Hi noob mommy, I would love some advice from you about my 8 month old beautiful baby girl. From a newborn, I always persevered with putting her in her crib/cot awake to go to sleep. I felt that I had put a good practice into place early on and she was sleeping through from 3 months. However, since she was 5 months she started waking up in the night. Thinking she was hungry, I started her on solids rather than start night feeds which stopped at 3 months. Things over the last 3 months are going from bad to worse. Some (a lot) of nights it feels like having a newborn and maybe getting 2 hours sleep a night. She has been teething and now has 6 teeth which I think is quite a lot so soon. I really don’t think that her sleeping issues are all connected to her teething but now bad habits. I have tried everything from putting dummy back in, giving milk, cuddles, teething gel, calpol etc, eventually she goes off but can’t work out what works. She can sometimes go 30 mins or a couple of hours, there isn’t a set pattern, every night is totally unique. I think it can’t get any worse and it does. I want to try Dr Ferber’s method but don’t quite understand what you do when you go to your baby after waiting so many minutes. For example, day 1, the first wait is 3 mins. Do I stay with her until she’s asleep or do I just shhh her for a minute or two and leave her crying? This is such hard work emotionally and physically. Also, not sure if its related but she use to be a wonderful napper in the day, now I’m lucky if she has one 20 min nap after lunch. She is so happy in the day but at times totally exhausted but won’t sleep even though I try and put her down and leave her. I really am at my wits end and all any advice or support would be gratefully received. Thank you.
Noob Mommy – I am so grateful that I came across your article. Instead of having to read the entire book, I understood the process in 10 minutes after reading your article. I immediately started using the Ferber method on my 5 month old son. It’s been a week now and he is sleeping so much better now – naps and night sleep are 10 times better. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Trina – It’s possible that either one of two things happened – 1) the teething or 2) your LO went through what is commonly called the 4 month sleep regression. I’d agree with you that this method is worth a try. Basically, she needs to learn to sleep without your help or anyone else’s, same as my son did. I agree it’s hard work but it is so fulfilling to see them succeed after the 4th (or so) day. Personally, I saw improvements on day 2. When I went in to check on my son, normally all I would do is reposition him if needed (sometimes he got too close to the crib bumper or rail, other times he needed help flipping over), then rub or pat his back and sh-sh him. Other times I’d say simply “It’s time to go to sleep.” At most, I’d be there for 30 sec because I didn’t want him to become dependent on my presence to fall asleep. It’s worked wonderfully and now we are on day 7 and he is asleep within 15 min for every nap – except occasionally for that last nap of the day, around 4pm which is always tough. That one takes a bit longer sometimes for him to fall asleep. It really helped me to adjust my mindset about crying in order to make it through the first 4 days. I’d rearrange my thinking to “I’m helping him learn a valuable skill. He’s not crying because he hates me or anything, he’s protesting because no one is helping him fall asleep. I know he can do it and eventually he will.” And then, on day 4, he did! It felt amazing and I was so proud of him. This process was good for him and good for me as well – now I think I can make it through almost anything as a parent.
Anyway, I hope this helps and you get the encouragement you need in order to improve your baby’s sleep.
Also, I forgot to say two more things –
1) Stop using the pacifier. I promise you’ll be happier without it.
2) I don’t adhere exactly to the Ferber waiting periods as outlined above – I just go by my gut and listen to my son. I don’t think you have to adhere strictly to it, but do make sure you’re waiting longer each day to give your LO more time to figure it out each day as they gain more independence from you.
Thanks and good luck!
Hi Noob Mommy!
I’ve posted here before and have appreciated all the feedback received! Thank you!
I need some serious help… my LM (little marshmallow) is 10 months and today is the second day of the Ferber Method with NAPS! It’s been the hardest thing ever. We trained LM at 7 months and by this time back then, he was crying a bit but fell asleep. These past two days, LM has missed ALL naps and has been absolutely miserable and clingy. Since he is also standing, he just stands in his crib and cries for all 45 minutes! Yesterday after crying through his 2 naps, I brought him to the living room and as I was on the phone and holding him, he simply fell asleep. His head literally dropped and he was asleep from all the crying. I put him in his crib and he slept for 30 minutes. Here we are day 2, and he again missed his morning nap… cried all 45 minutes. He was due for a feeding half and hour after the training and as I breastfed him, he fell asleep, still whimpering from the morning training session.
Should I lay him down at each interval check? He also gets more upset when I leave so should I just not check in? Since this time around it is so different and he cries so much harder and louder, are two days of no naps any sign of progress?
I know it’s only day 2, but this time around it is SO much harder. What is LM is simply not going to be successful with Ferber at this age? I really feel like just going back to rocking him to sleep, although it is physically painful with my 5’0 frame and his 23 pounds… I don’t think I could do this!
Help Noob Mommy! Please!
You mention a 5-6 mon old should be able to g 10 hrs at night without a night time feed. What about a 4 min old? What if he wakes 3 hrs after i put him down? At what wake up in the middle of the night should i get him up to feed him?
We started using the method, officially, last night. We tried the night before, but really had no idea what we were doing. Today we’re going for naps too. I have a questions I haven’t been able to find an answer to, and I’m hoping some of you mommies who have been through it can help. When her dad puts her down for her daytime naps, Bug will just happily lay there in her crib, just chillin’ chillin’. So, my question is, should be be doing checks on her if she’s not upset. I want her crib to be associated with sleeping, not just hanging out, like on her play mat, but it seems like checking on her would cause her to get upset/expect to be picked up. Thanks in advance! I’ve found this blog to be EXTREMELY helpful!
The checking in to reassure her that you are still there so that when they are crying they don’t feel abandoned! I had asked some friends who used the method if I go in to check in on him if he is fussing and they said not to….he can be learning to put himself to sleep….only check in when you feel they are fussing a lot or crying. So if I was at a wait time of 7 minutes I wouldn’t start my timer until he showed signs of unhappiness….not when he wasn’t crying or just slightly fussing!
If they are not unhappy, there’s no reason to check on them. The check is more for the parent, to make them feel like they aren’t completely abandoning their child. You can’t force them to sleep, they have to get there on their own. So, until she’s crying, I say leave her alone and let her find her way. Most babies need time to unwind before they can fall asleep anyway, so maybe she’s just taking her time with it? Naps are tough, but that’s great for you that you don’t have to listen to lots of crying!
Guess who slept 10 hours last night?! I took away her pre-lay down nursing, put her to bed early at 7:35, asleep by 8:03, added a dream feeding and she slept until 6:00! Happy baby, happy mama.
I have a 7.5 month old who SHARES a room with his sister (3yrs). So the CIO method has become an issue.
He can get to sleep at night when we put him down drowsey but awake however, he will wake in the middle of the night and he is not hungry although feeding him was helping get him back to sleep… I stopped that and started giving him a paci and walking out of the room which helps.. However, how do I get him to soothe himself without waking up our daughter? He creid for 1 hr last weekend and our daughter woke up after 25 min of letting him cry.. What to do Noob?
I have a 4.5 month old that will not sleep anywhere but my arms. At this point I am overtired from not getting a good nights sleep. I also have a 2 year old that is not getting the attention that she needs because I am always holding my baby. I am currently as I type trying to use the Ferber method. She has been crying over an hour and a half. I have been using the chart to go check on her. How long do I let her cry for before I throw in the towel? Any other suggestions to get a little one to sleep on her own? Thank you for the good info and insight.
Thanks for this post. It was nice to read a real and honest tutorial of Ferber’s method. I have an almost three month old and I recently purchased three books: Dr. Ferbers, Dr. Sear’s and The No Cry Sleep Solution. I bought all three because I am completely torn over what method to use. Just the thought of Ferber’s method makes me want to take a butter knife to my eye, but I recognize the benefits for both baby and I. I have what I call a “wishy-washy” situation. Here’s his schedule: wake up anywhere from 430 to 530 for about 30 minutes, nurses, goes back to sleep for 30 to 40 minutes. Then from 9 am till 5pm his nap time is unpredictable. When he does nap it’s only for 40 minutes max! Most of the time being 25 minutes. Here’s the real pickle: the only way he’ll sleep during the day is if my husband or I are bouncing him (with our foot) in a bouncy, vibrating chair. As soon as we stop, BAM! He’s awake. He will not sleep in the swing, in the bed, nothing! Just bouncing. It’s almost violent how hard we have to bounce him. This means neither of us can do anything other than try to get him to sleep all day long and more importantly, baby gets less sleep than he needs. Come 5pm he naps for an hour if we let him (should I stop letting him nap at this time?) 630 bath time, read a book and nurse till he falls asleep. He rests on my chest for about 20 minutes (reflux) after nursing and then I set him down and he sleeps from 830pm to 2pm. After that sleep is in chunks of 1 1/2 hours to 3 hours. Then we start all over again. Phew! Do I have a lot of bad habits being created? Should I put him to bed earlier if he’s so tired by 5? I’m a hot mess! All I know is my foot is numb from bouncing and I can’t predict a thing!
But really, thanks for your website. It’s hilarious and helpful. My two favorite things!
BoundToBounce – Holy hot mess Batman! I feel your pain and kudos to you for recognizing your breaking point before you’ve actually hit it! I know you’ve just purchased 3 great books, and if you haven’t already picked up The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems … please check it out from the library or get that one too! All the schedules in that book with lots of discussion on accidental parenting would really help you out. I know this because I was totally in your situation with Noob Baby 4 years ago! First things first, get a routine down asap. Since your noob is 3 months, he is in the perfect place to be on a 3-hr EASY. Have you checked out my EASY schedule post for samples of this? Since you mentioned his day time and naps being completely unpredictable, it is a good indicator that a routine will help you both out tremendously. Not only does it create some consistency for you guys, but it will also help you identify what’s bothering him. You’ll know that since it’s been about 3 hours, it’s probably time for him to eat. Since he just ate and had a little playtime, it’s most likely time for nap! The bouncing is definitely a sleep crutch, but he’s still too young for any real sleep training. I’d try and implement Dr. Karp’s 5 S’s (swaddling, sucking, shushing, etc.) to help him feel comforted when it’s time to sleep. Swaddling was huge for us this time around with NB2.0. And if you need to have him swing while swaddled and sucking on a pacifier with white noise cranked up… it may save your back!! Yes, those are all little sleep crutches, but right now that alternative of “violent” bouncing just sounds painful for you and the hubs. In regards to the earlier bedtime – btwn 7-7:30pm is ideal for our little ones. A little catnap before that is also very typical (see EASY schedule). The real reason he’s just so overtired is because of the inconsistency during the day and unrestful naps. When those things regulate, I believe he’ll be less wound up in the evening (which also makes it easier for him to fall asleep at bedtime). Good luck!!
HI! Great blog and all the tips of CIO. I am at the end of my wits with my 11 months old and this is a pretty recent development. She never really slept through the night but slept way better before than in the last 3 or 4 weeks. I initially blamed teething for all the waking. Gave her Advil before sleep but even with the medicine she still wakes up at least 5 times a night. We also have a babysitter that sleeps in the same room with her and keeps giving her a pacifier when she wakes so the baby goes back to sleep. Well, it’s time to put an end to it. I think I have to toughen myself up and sign up for a week of misery or nothing will work long term. The problem with my baby is also at the last feeding of the day. She eats at 8 pm. Then, if I leave the room and leave her she starts yelling and throws up. Yesterday I cleaned, patted her and left the room. After a bit more crying, she fell asleep. Does this happen a lot? She also still wakes up to eat 4 ounces around 5 am. I’ve been trying to eliminate this feeding but am still unsuccessful. Need advice please!
Thanks.
Jules – Since your little one is almost a year old, she’ll be fine without that 5 am feed (particularly because it’s only 4 oz anyway). But also be realistic about what her wake up time will be. Usually around 6 or 7 am is normal. You may try and push up the whole bedtime routine to about 7 pm. So around 7 – you can do a bath, quiet activity, read a book or lullaby… whatever your normal bedtime winddown is. This should signify to her (if done consistently) that it’s bedtime. Hopefully, that will help a bit with the vomiting after her last feed because she will be soothed by the ritual and know what’s coming. Also, if you space out that last feed a little earlier (so not right before bed), it may give her tummy time to settle down while you do the rest of the bedtime ritual. Another issue is the babysitter helping her with the paci. The Baby Whisperer would consider this accidental parenting. Your babysitter has become a crutch for her to get back to sleep. The 5 wake ups shows that she has trouble settling herself (unless there are other health issues, but I believe you already ruled that out). Good luck with whatever you choose to do!
I love your site and have bookmarked it for these challenging sleep training nights! My LO is 6.5 months and actually started sleeping thru the night (8-5am w no wakings) around 3 months. It was bliss for about a month and its been downhill ever since. Lately she has been up every 2 hrs at night. She is a pro at soothing to sleep for naps with one longer 1.5 hr and 2 short 45 min naps daily. I also have a 2.5 yr old son which makes night time sleep training hard since you can hear her crying in his room. Do you think that getting her to fall asleep on her own initially would help her self soothe at night wakings too? I just hate to interrupt my sons sleep too! Also, in regards to the timer for going back in do you only start counting for constant crying?
Nikki- Yes, you are right on about getting her to fall asleep on her own. When they learn to fall asleep on their own, it enables them to do the same when they wake up for whatever reason during the middle of the night. Start the timer when she’s been crying for awhile and you can tell she’s not just fussing a little. After we helped NB learn to soothe herself, her 40 minute naps transformed to 1.5 + hr naps… which was great!
Thanks for the response! We are right at a month of her going to sleep awake and while the naps have improved to two 2 hr naps daily we are still struggling with her night wakings. Tonight, she is in the downstairs room and I am trying the CIO Progressive Wait method for each of her night wakings which are now to the minute at 11pm, 2am, 5am. So we are about 30 minutes in and keeping fingers crossed!
My question: As I’m awake listening to my sweet girl CIO… She is having a two hour cry and whine fest in her crib every other night since we’ve started sleep training. Its been a week now and the pattern is making me a little crazy. Any suggestions? I’m wondering if the key is waking her up at the same time each morning whether she has a rough night or not. Thank you for your input!
Hi…my daughter is a wonderful mom, who has been working with parts of the attachment theory over the last few years, has two wonderful children, age 3 and age 8 months, both with pretty major sleeping issues. Simultaneously, both at the same time. I have just moved in to help her as her husband is away on business for the next month. 30 nights. Her 3 year old awakens around midnight, opens her door and wanders around until she finds my daughter, or her husband to crawl in with. They have allowed this to go on for the past month, as both have been taking turns with their 8 month old who is awake every 2-3 hours, jumping up with the soother, bottle, loving hand, pick up, etc…either in the same room as the little guy, or down the hall trying to sleep. As she sai, no point in both of them being up all night. She recognizes the problem. Is a great mom, and can’t stand either one of them crying. I have read what to do with the 8 month old, but at the same time, what to do with the wandering 3 year old. She can open the door and walk out…a fence would make her crazy rattling it till the world awakens…and locking her in is out of the question…please help!!!
i wrote the above, and would love comments via email..thanks
I just want to say THANK YOU!!! This is my story – first baby (a girl) was the perfect sleeper and got herself into a wonderful routine and slept well all night etc etc – basically my fellow-new-mum’s worst nightmare through envy so I used to lie and say I was up all night to make them feel better! And then in July this year a little boy joined our family. I love him to bits but he is hard work and now I get it. I understand the frustration, tiredness, guilt, dread …… I get it. So I looked into what to do and loved the honest approach of your web site and really felt like you were someone who is normal and nice and would be a mate of mine ….. not some ‘expert’ who has studied babies so knows it all, but has never actually had one! Anyway, we started Ferberizing (!) on Monday this week. It’s now Wednesday (even knowing the day of the week is a step-up for me!) and although we still have struggles and although there have been tears (mine and his) – we’re getting there. The dreaded third sleep of the day used to only exist if I was holding him but today, it took him 8 minutes to get himself to sleep in his cot. No gloating yet as I know we have a long way to go – and it may get worse again …… but for giving me a great day today and giving me hope – THANK YOU!!!!!
hello and thank you for this wonderful blog! It has been very helpful and funny. My son Jack if 4.5 months old. He usually goes to bed for the night at 10 or 1030) after napping in swing or bouncer from 8 or9 til 10ish…), sleeps 3-4 hours, eats, then is up every 2 hours to the minute to eat til 8am. We used the ferber method with our 3 year old daughter and it worked great….for some reason I have forgotten everything. And since this is our last child, I really dont mind as much as with the first, gettting up so much..but every 2 hours is like having a newborn. So tonight we are starting the method with Jack…here’s my questions. Jack usually naps every 2hours or so, (we use the baby whisper scheduling-love it). So today he napped from 3-430, fed him, then planned on keeping him up til 8pm and putting him down for the night. he was exhausted at 7pm and very cranky…so we bathed him, fed him, read him a book and put him down at 745. (seems so early since normally he goes to bed at 1030.) He went down easy, but i expect him up within 2-3 hours….so i will have to start ferberizing early in the night. Let me get to the question already….sorry. So should i have let him take another nap at 7 when he was tired, til maybe 8…then give a bath, feed and bed around 9? Since he doesn’t sleep long to begin, i’m afraid my night is going to be very long since he’seen put down so early. Thanks for any insight!
Jacksup – It sounds like your little one is way overtired. A 10-10:30 pm bedtime is too late. Bedtimes should be between 7 – 7:30pm, so that 7pm “nap” was really him saying he wants to go to bed. My guess is that once you normalize your day routine and start aiming for early bedtimes (begin your routine at about 6:30 or 7), he will start sleeping much better. Currently, I would venture to guess that’s he overtired and wired, thus waking up so much at night and having fitful sleep. Contrary to myth, babies sleep better with more sleep and earlier bedtimes
Doctors and sleep experts agree on this, and I’ve noticed the benefits of early bedtimes with my two little ones as well. As for Ferberizing, 4.5months is technically a bit early (best around 6 months or so). You can try again then, or continue with it now but be consistent. If you feel that he can sleep for that long chunk without being fed, then proceed. But if you are occasionally going in and feeding and other times letting him cry with the progressive waiting technique, then he is probably getting mixed signals. Good luck!
So here’s my dilemma…put jack down at 745, he slept til 12. My goal was to have him go 6hrs without a fdg. (He’s 4.5months) he woke at 12 & I have been doing the interval cks..its been an hour & 27minutes. It will have been 6hrs since last fdg in 10min. So I plan on feeding him at 140am.so have I just taught him thatall he needs to do is cry for 2 hours in order to be fed?!?! This is torture…I know it works in long run but UGH!!
Does the Ferber method work for toddlers? My grandson is 2 yrs old and already sleeps in a “big” bed. He has not slept through the night since he was born and his parents have never wanted to use the CIO method for fear of waking up his sister who is 14 months older. Now they are both resisting bed time, but the main problem is that the 2 yr old cries and/or gets out of be to find mommy several times a night.
What is a plan for “older” babies that are no longer in a crib?
Thanks
We did this with my 2 year old a year a go and worked AWESOME!
1. Lay child in bed, say goodnights, etc
2. “Child, if you get out of your bed, Im going to close the door.”
3. Leave the room and keep door open
4. If child gets out of bed, carry child back into bed and say “You got out of your bed, I’m going to close the door now”
5. Close the door and start the timer (we followed this pattern: 1 min, 1, 1, 2, 2,2,3,3,3,4,4,4, etc…)
6. After the prescribed time (more than likley child would have been crying at the door), open the door, carry child back into bed. “good night, i love you. If you get out of bed, I’m going to close the door….”
7. Continue with this!
Our little lovely took 45 minutes the first night! She feel asleep on the floor by the door, after crying A LOT! Could hardly open the door. After a few nights of this, time lessening each night, she was good….yes – she would challenge it every now and then. But – whoa! Life was good!
This post and most of the comments have been so very helpful! Tonight is night 1…Yay!
This last wakeup has now run in to when DS (10 mo) normally wakes up. Any thoughts on that? Should I continue with the “schedule?” It’s now been about an hour and he’s starting to slow down significantly, although is talking AND crying at the moment. My instinct tells me he’s still tired, but I thought I’d see if you or any readers have any insight. Thanks!
he is waking at 5am. If his bed time is 8:30 do I try the CRO at 5am?????? My son is 6 months old and we have been trying the CIO for four days , He wakes up at 10 and 3 and then wakes at 7am . Each night and “session time” is diminishing BUT now he is waking at 5am. If his bed time is 8:30 do I try the CRO at 5am or feed him and if he falls back to sleep then good or am i up for the day?????? PLEASE, ANY Suggestions. if I feed him at 5 and he falls asleep arent i just reinforcing what Im trying to fix??
Hi, I’m an avid reader of your blog and a first time mommy of a now 6month old. I thought I had the whole sleep thing sorted, but turns out I really haven’t! My little monkey used to sleep through the night 7pm til 7am and he would have around 5 half hour naps during the day. But recently he has decided to start waking up at 5.30 am every morning and just talking to himself and eventually crying. And despite my best efforts I can’t get him to sleep through again! He has also decided that the whole nap thing is a clice and he no longer wants to do that either! He now just screams constantly when I put him down for naps! I feel so lost, and I’m not quite sure what I have done to undo my good ‘sleep’ work! Have you got any suggestions for me? Could really do with some advice! Thank you
Hi Noob Mommy! Your blog is the bomb
I have been searching the web for some advice, and your post (and all of these comments…yes, I read them all) is the closest thing I can find to my situation. Thanks in advance for any assistance!
My son is just over 4 months and has been swaddled since 4 weeks old. The reason we are stopping swaddling now is because he is starting to roll over. There are not many online resources as to how to stop swaddling, so I was looking at the CIO method to see if others have used it during this transition. There aren’t many, if any, comments on this issue so I figured I’d just ask for advice.
He has been sleeping through the night for many weeks with no problems, from approx. 7pm-6am. We don’t need to try CIO for getting him to sleep, but rather getting him to go back to sleep after waking himself in the middle of the night.
We tried for the first time to not swaddle last night and he fell right asleep at 7pm, his normal bed time. He woke at 9pm, screaming bloody murder and I didn’t know what to do, so I fed him and he passed right back out. He woke again at 12:45am and again at 3am, both times screaming, so I fed him and he slept every time without the swaddle.
So, my question is should I try the CIO method for stopping swaddling? And does he need to be fed when he wakes since he had been sleeping through the night just fine for so long, but while swaddled?
I hope I am making sense. Thanks again!
Grace- Sorry for the late response. It seems I’ve missed quite a few comments here over the holidays! I hope CIO has worked out for you. I’d love to hear any updates. Technically, when you do the progressive sleep training, you should be playing out what you plan to have as your ideal sleep circumstances. Meaning, if you don’t want him to use a paci anymore, try to slowly diminish the role of this little by little. Same with other sleep crutches. No more rocking (cold turkey). Swaddling (if it’s a sleep hazard like flipping over, just go cold turkey. We had to do this and it was fine after a few nights). Consistency is key with sleep training. You are training them to get used to new sleep conditions that are best for them
As for feeding him when he cries during the training… try and gauge if he’s truly hungry or relying on the nursing to get back to sleep. My hunch is that he’s old enough now to not need to eat so much during the night. Good luck to you! Thanks for reading my blog!
Noob Mommy! I need you! We are on day 13 with our 5 month old son. He still cries almost every night for 20-30 minutes. There were a few days last week where he cried for only 5-10 minutes and we thought we were in the clear, but no. I don’t know how much more of this my husband can handle. I am firmly resolved to this plan, but my husband gets so obviously stressed out when our son is crying every night. Should we just push on? Or do we start back at night one? I’m so lost!
Mimi- Sorry! I missed your comment. What is the status now? Have you weathered CIO? Would love to get an update.
Hi,
I have been trying CIO with my 9 month old son for 4 days. We have improvement but not like a charm. He got used to sleep with nipple in his mouth whole night when we visited my family. He got sick and this was the only way I could calm him down. Now, we are back and I want him to sleep in his bed. Now, He wakes up every 3-4 h during the night which is improvement but I am not satisfied yet. My questions are: 1) He cries like 10-15 min on and off (total crying time 5 min at most). Should l still be following visit intervals or just leave him alone ? 2) when he wakes up, I nurse him because he used to be nursed very often before we started this method. I thought hunger may wake him up. So should I keep nursing? 3) He used to take 1.5 h naps. Now max 30 min. He wakes up screaming, and tired. During the nap time, I do not follow the visit intervals. Because at night his father does it, and it works. But my visits make him cry and scream a lot and I’m alone during the day. Should I visit him based on the time intervals for naps?
Thank you for such a great site! I’ve found all of the posts to be helpful and encouraging which is much needed! Our daughter is almost 11 months old. We started Ferber method 2 nights ago and it’s been going great! We went from 3-4 night wakings down to one last night. Putting her to bed would require nursing, rocking, looking for dogs outside, etc. The whole ordeal lasted from 30 min to more than an hour most nights. The older she got the more she resisted going to bed. Now I know it was from bad sleep associations. So I feel like her night time sleep has improved dramatically. However, during the day I and grandma (watches her 2-3x/week) have been putting her in the car to fall asleep. This has been going on for months. Since we have started Ferber method we have not had a successful nap in the crib. Is it bad to continue the car rides and work on them gradually? Grandma is on board with everything but I’m not sure she could handle an hour worth of trying to nap. I would like her to be able to nap in the crib eventually or even the pack n play at grandmas house, especially with it being winter now. What’s your recommendation in our nap situation? Thanks so much!
Please HELP! I literally spent the last hour reading EVERY post on here. My daughter will be 9 months old on December 15. She was an excellent sleeper until she began trying to crawl. Since 5 months she basically refuses to sleep in her crib. I gave in because i work full time and so does my husband. I put her in our bed after 5 months of not once being in there and now I could literally kick myself. I have not found on here babies crying for hours before giving in. I tried this a few weeks ago and my LO literally cried for 3 hours with NO stop. She would immediately roll over and stand up. Id go in after the alloted time and lay her down tell her it was night night. Before I was even out of her room she was back up. She knows how to sit down so that isnt the issue. What do I do??? Please help me I am so desperate. I of course gave in at that time. 3 hours seems excessive to me. She is a very determined busy baby. She is on a schedule as far as the wake times before naps. She naps 1-2.5 hours per nap (2). What do I do in that situation? The standing, the excessive cry times? She is a reflux baby but it is being controlled with prevacid as well as a wedge in her bed. She doesnt cry, she screams bloody murder.
Hi mommies and Noob Mommy! I have posted on here earlier, when I was sleep training my son when he was 8 months, and we shortly afterwards had to re-train again at 9.5 months. Now, my LO is almost 11 months and for the past week and a half he has gotten back into the habit of waking 2-4 times in the night (I think he’s teething). I have (again) been caving and picking him up/nursing him back to sleep. This has got to stop. I can handle the sleep training again, since this will be try 4, but my concern is…. Is this something that will happen again and again until he’s about 2 years old? I hate having to sleep train him every time he goes through a growth spurt or teething, but this is getting ridiculous. Every month or so, he has an issue that makes him wake, then he is sleep trained, and fine again for about another month or so before something else starts to occur. Why does this happen? Is there any way I can get him to sleep through the night without all the re-training? I’m at my wits end, and need some advice/support….
Dear Noon Mama,
I just wanted to say thank you. I stumbled across your website looking for help with our 5 month old who seemed terrified of sleep. We couldn’t get him to sleep or nap (he would even fuss and cry even as I tried to nurse him to sleep). I tried all of the non CIO methods, thinking that the Ferber method seemed cruel. We had even tried the Ferber method once before the holidays and gave up because it was too difficult, but after reading your page I saw that we were making some mistakes and we tried again. It has only been a week, but the difference is amazing. He goes right to sleep when we put him in his crib (though he fusses a bit for about 5 minutes), takes naps and sleeps at night for 8-12 hour stretches. This from a child who has had sleep issues seemingly from birth (he was a colicky baby). Anyways, just wanted to say thanks and that the method really does work and life is much better with sleep!
MamaG- Thank you so much for your comment! I’m glad my post has helped you get through what I know to be a very difficult phase in parenting! I hope sleep has improved for everyone over there! Best to you and your new little noob.
Get excited for a novel: five month old Baby Girl (Pickles) was a fabulous sleeper from about eight weeks until four months when we moved. She would go from 6:30pm until about 5:45-6am. Then all hell broke loose with night sleeping.
Pickles has never been a great napper. At first she slept in the swing for naps for an hour to two hours. At four months we broke her of the swing and could possibly get an hour nap out of her. At that point she had been on the 3 hour EASY schedule since about eight weeks. Now, she won’t nap for more than 35 minutes, unless it’s in MY bed, with me in it as well. I plan on Ferberizing her naps beginning tomorrow. She is currently on the self selected 4 hour EASY schedule, minus the good naps.
Now, night sleeping. Pickles’ bed time routine consists of: 6pm bath; 6:15 baby massage, hair combing, pajamas; 6:30 nursing and in bed asleep between 6:45 and 7:pm. She falls asleep while nursing. Then I burp her and lay her in the crib. If her eyes are open, she will roll onto her side and immediately stick her thumb in her mouth. Sounds great right? Well tonight she woke at 7:55, I went in and picked her up to calm her, she didn’t really calm down, so I put her back into the crib, patted her tummy and walked out. She cried for about two minutes after that. Two nights ago she woke up at 12:10, then 1:40, then 3:00 and was inconsolable at 3am. I have not been offering her the breast during these night wakings (I tried on New Year’s Eve but she was uninterested, so her loss) so at 3am I took her back to bed with me, and fed her at 6:30am to keep her on her 4 EASY. Last night she woke up at midnight and I caved (bad Mama!) and brought her to bed with me, where she slept until 6am this morning and I fed her at 6:30am.
My biggest question is this: should I rearrange her bedtime routine to nurse first, then bath etc? Because I think putting her to bed asleep or mostly asleep is an issue, but I already feel like I’m prison camp sleep depriving her by not letting her nap after 4pm, so I don’t want to stretch her bedtime out anymore and I don’t want to put her down earlier than usual (per your aforementioned chart). Also, should I expect this method to get her back to 6am wake ups? As a champion sleeper myself, I would love her to sleep until 8am, but I would take 6am in a heartbeat again after these stupid 3am wake-ups.
I’m sleeping in the hall tonight, outside Pickles’ door, and told my husband to turn off the monitor in our room, so at least one of us can sleep tonight. Update tomorrow as I’ve decided you will hold me accountable if I cave again.
Night 1- well I didn’t cave. Mainly because Pickles never actually cried until 5am. She woke at 2:58 and would screech and coo off and on for an hour, but she never cried. So I would lay here thinking, should I go in for the screeches? But I didn’t. Then at 5am she started crying, so I started the intervals, because her first feeding is at 6:30am. Did I do that right? Or should she be up at 5am.?
On another note, I was most worried about her rolling onto her tummy and not being able to turn back over, and you know dying. She did roll over, but her head was turned to the side and her thumb was in her mouth. (I checked on her around 4:30 when she was sleeping).
Pickles- I recall the 4 month age that there was a growth spurt which included some sleep regressions. This may be what Pickles is going through, if she’s been a pretty good sleeper thus far. If it is a growth spurt – you’ll be able to tell because she’ll be wolfing down those middle of the night nursings. It sounds like you are on the right track and have been doing your research! Keep monitoring her cues and try to be consistent if you decide to stick with the progressive sleep training (so don’t bring her into bed with you sometimes and sometimes not
I’d say, if she’s slept well up until 5:30 am, you may have to call it. That’s exactly what’s going on over here. NB2.0 goes down at 7 and wakes up at 5:30-6. In my opinion, I feel like she could be sleeping a tad bit longer (around 12 hours or so), but it may take a few more months for her to get to that point. Good luck with your training!!
Hi!
Ok, so we had Night #1 last night. It wasn’t as horrible as I anticipated, and he was out for the whole night in 35 min. Naps are a big problem (he usually takes 3 naps, each about 40 min.). Little Bubba (will be 6 mo. in 2 days) always napped in his swing, but slept fine in his crib at night (as long as he’s rocked all the way to sleep)- refused to nap in the crib (I know, weird). Well, rocking and swinging are the sleep associations we need to break, so no more swing naps. We followed what Ferber says about doing the progressive waiting with naps until 30 min. has passed. He cried the whole time for his morning nap, so I got him up to continue on with the day and he fell asleep while nursing. Nap #2 was in the car because I was running errands. Nap #3 was spent crying in his crib for 30 min., so I got him up. About an hour later, he was rubbing his eyes and sooo sleepy. I decided we should try to nap in the crib once more (he’s currently crying and I’m glancing at the stopwatch feature on my phone). Was this right? It’s still 3 hours till bedtime, but I could see he wasn’t going to make it that long. Should I have let him fall asleep on his own on his playmat or next to me on the couch instead of setting him in his crib? My thinking was that he needs to learn to nap in his crib, so I’ve got to show a little tough love.
P.S. – Thank you for your blog and your perspective. This is really hard, but I’ve been so encouraged by reading all the above comments and responses. Deep breaths, parents! This too shall pass!
OK – so my husband and I are at our wits end with rocking our nearly 14 month old to sleep. She still wakes in the middle of the night (most nights) and we have to rock her back to sleep. Can the Ferber method work for an older child, like mine?
I love this blog.. I’m glad to know other parents are suffering like we are. I thought I was the only one hysterically crying and swearing from 1-4am.
Anyways, my son has slept good in his short 10month life but recently he has figured out how to stand himself up in the crib!We laughed and were so proud when I first saw this! Now instead of just rolling and falling back to sleep, he gets up, stands up and WAILS at the top of his lungs.He’s doing this for naps too and taking shorter naps which makes for a super cranky baby all day!
We are starting the ferber method tonight and am already anxious… I hate hearing my little guy cry like this!! Do we go in and pu/pd? Do we just let him stand and figure it out?
Thank you for this informative and funny post! I started this method last week with my 12 mo baby (who normally woke up every 2-3 hours to nurse), and he started sleeping 10 hours straight by the 4th night. The first night was a bit bumpy at the first wake up, but then everything turned out to be easier than I expected. He picked up on it pretty fast. He’s happy, I’m happy. This is awesome!
Hi
Is there an optimal age to do CIO? Should it ideally be before the baby can stand up for example?
My son is 6 months old today. We sleep trained him for naps, and he sleeps like a champ during the day (two 2 hour sleeps, no crying).
At night he is put down (awake) at around 6.30 after bath, and a feed. Straight to sleep. Then he wakes at around 10, 1 and 5. He feeds for about 15 minutes and goes right back to sleep.
He is very healthy and on the 60th percentile. He has 5 – 6 breastfeeds during the day and three meals of purées.
Is he ready to be ferberised at night time or should I wait to see if he drops the night feeding naturally?
Very nervous! I used to think I was tough before I had a baby. Turns out I’m a bit of a sook!!!
Thanks
Hi,
My 5 month old does not sleep or nap well at all. I breastfeed her during the day and give her a 5oz bottle of expressed breastmilk before she goes to bed at 8pm (I have started giving her a bottle just so I know that she’s getting a large supply of milk before bed). I put her down in her bassinet beside my bed while she’s still awake and she has no problem falling asleep on her own most of the time, with a pacifier and sleep sheep sound machine. She wakes up around 1am and I nurse her, she will sleep for about 3 hours when I nurse her again and then falls back asleep for another 2-3 hours. I am very tired of having short spurts of sleep. She weighs 14lbs 5oz so I am wondering if I should give up the night time feeds altogther and tried the ferber method and moving her to her crib in her own room. Her naps are horrible and I know this must be affecting her nighttime sleep, she usally takes a quick 30min nap in the morning and that’s it, afternoon naps are hard for her, I did let her CIO today and she was asleep within 20 min but only slept for 30. I have slowly started her on oatmeal but not any significant amount. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I wanted to thank you for your blog post! It became an awesome tool for me (and my husband) when we decided to sleep train our 7 1/2 month old out of desperation. He required to be rocked to sleep, and was waking up anywhere between 5 & 8 times per night (also requiring to be rocked BACK to sleep). Night 1 brought us 1 hour of crying, with him only waking twice. By night 4, we were down to 5 minutes of crying and he only woke once. Now we are on night 12, with the past three nights having NO CRYING at bedtime (what a HUGE relief). He still wakes up anywhere between 1 & 5 times per night (usually lets out a whimper or two), but a majority of the time he will fall back asleep on his own…
Dear Noob Mommy,
Thank you so much for your insightful blog on sleep training. I have a wonderful 5.5 month old boy who, from about 6 weeks of age until about 3.5 months slept for about 8-9 hours a night. However, at 3.5 months, he started waking up multiple times a night. In fact, last night, he was up 6 times! Most of the time, he just wants his pacifier and falls back asleep. He usually feed once, around 3am but only wants 3oz, which makes me think that he is waking up out of habit. He eats solids already and is doing great height/weight wise so that is not an issue. He falls asleep on his own in his own crib (but with the pacifier in his mouth which may be our big mistake) so the issue hasn’t been bed time but waking up at night. Also, he goes to sleep late – around 10pm – mostly because he only sleeps about 8.5 hrs total and is usually up for the day by 6:30am (after waking up multiple times a night). If we try to put him to bed earlier – 8pm, he is up for the day at 4am, and both my husband and I work so the schedule is just not sustainable. I should also say that during the day he is the best baby ever. Smiling, playful, easygoing and just amazing! How can we get him to go to sleep earlier and sleep through the night? We are both exhausted and need help!
At 7 months, I decided DD was well and truly playing me – up 3-4 times a night and totally sleep deprived, I gave the Ferber method a go. It took two (agonizing) nights, but then, voila, she was sleeping through the night and, colds and moving house aside, has been doing so ever since (is now 14 mos). Thanks for the honest and upfront perspective, it was so good to read about someone else’s experience!
Update: we used the Ferber method and by the 4th night, our son started sleeping for about 8 hour straight. The only issue now is that he sleeps for about 8.5 hours total and will not go back to sleep after he wakes up to eat (usually around 6-6:30am) – he is up until 10pm at night and is up for the day at 6:30am. End result is that my husband and I have absolutely no time for ourselves but at least we get 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night!
I am trying this method with my 12 month old…yes you read right…12months! I am wondering, if she does not get upset say for the first 5-10 min of putting her in the bed, do you still heck on her at the 3and 5 min or start the checking once she is upset and crying.
Update: Night 1 went better than expected. She cried for 32 mintues total before falling asleep. Woke at 1am and cried for about the same amount of time before going back to sleep. I am so proud of her! Who knows what tonight will bring…could be better, could be worse.
Hello All,
After recently beginning this method I’ve had 6 days of all night sleeping until tonight.
I’ve had to be strong to listen to this horrible cries from my 11 month old and get my husband to understand this method rather than me sitting with him for several hours each time he does this to get him back off to sleep. Plus we are due to have our second child in a few months which will be quite scary with no family support.
My question is after such time to you return to day 1 or crying it out method or maybe day 3.
Huge question! Need advice!
My 15 month old sleeps from 8pm-5pm, straight…that’s 10 hours. At 5am I breastfeed him and he goes another 2-3 hours. I’ve been doing the CIO for 4 nights now and he just cries from 5-6:30am. He doesn’t go back to sleep and is miserable all day!
I was wondering if I should maybe reconsider this since in about 1 month I will be going back to work and will have to get him up by 6am anyway? Maybe my son will slowly get off this feeding since he is able to go 10 hours alone? Not sure…
Hello Noob Mommy! Thank you so much for starting this website/ blog! You are my real life hero! Just when I think I’m going to fall to pieces I read your post on sleep and find the shred of energy I have left to giggle, thank you. I feel like you’ve been a fly on my wall writing my ‘play by play’ our experiences are so incredibly similar. Sleep has been a major issue for us because our little sleep fighting baby girl had severe reflux from birth so we had no choice other than soothing her by holding to avoid a throw up session. She finally ‘grew’ out of it and here we are 9 months later, tired, cranky and injured all over. Talk about sore joints, muscles and inability to heal from the ridiculous rocking sleep after sleep. Last night was our first night of Ferberizing and Oh my, you were right! If the liquor cabinet was closer it would be empty, lol. So after all the preamble (sorry, that’s the 9 months of lack of sleep talking) my questions are…. 1) Would you recommend tackling bedtime first and then naps once bedtime is resolved? 2) When I go in to sooth her at night cause she crying and screaming like a banshee will patting her cute little behind stall the process? I pat her for the minute I’m in there and she stops but then once I realize it’s time to ‘cut the cord’ and walk away she starts up all over again. 3) She’s 9 months and breastfeed up until 8 months (just newly taking a bottle, finally! Another story….) so at 11 pm she woke up and I paniac’d and got her out for a bottle which re-started the entire sleep training process once she was done 3 oz (made 6oz). Should I have just re-started the training process rather than pull her out, feed her and start over? Thanks so much, you are a momma rockstar! Love, love, love your humor in such a frustrating, tiring, sad situation…. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Hi Noob Mommy (and followers)
Thanks for a great blog which I read while trying to keep my spirits up!
thanks!
I’m trying to ferberize our 7 months old son.
He usually goes to sleep with little or no crying(!), but it’s during the night we have our battle!
Tonight it’s taken almost 3 (!!) hours before he has (hopefully) fallen asleep. Is that “normal” and has anyone else tried that too???
I’m close to tears and feel sick to my stomach every time he starts wimpering or crying again.
If the method hadn’t worked so well on his sister, I’m not sure I could keep doing it. We had 2 good nights (he slept for 9 hours without waking up) and I’m trying to find comfort in that as well.
If anybody has some good advice or similar experiences please share
We have our battles during the night as well. I would say three hours is a little long. Has it gotten better since then?
Ps I’m in Europe so 8 hours ahead
This is a great site/blog particular when you need the strength when listening to your baby crying and your heart is breaking. Thank you for the guide of time methods because without this I was just guessing. Well mine is now at nearly 5 am. Last time attempted this it took a record of 25 minutes, tonight as it seems will be longer. He was ok, but not crying in hysterics (a little on off) but went in on 12 mins, soon to be 15. It’s great typing this at its a bit of a distractor too, but I’ll be going back in there in another minute
Good Luck everyone, hope your bubbas are much improved!
Chrisy – Hope it has helped you get some sanity and sleep. I’m glad you found my blog to be of some relief and support!
Going to try the Ferber method tonight with my soon to be 5 month old. My first was sleeping in his crib through the night by 4 months. I was hoping this one would follow suit but hopefully after this he soon will be. Eek, good luck to all!!!
I have read through all of your posts and comments and last night just started our sleep training with our little one Serafina. We came to the conclusion that with a second baby on the way we could no longer sleep 3 in the bed!.. This was the only way she would sleep!.. Before that in her cot she was put in asleep after a feed but would wake 4 or 5 times a night!..last night was terrible for all of us, she finally fell asleep after 2.5 hours of crying sitting up! Then she woke suddenly as 10am and continued crying for what seemed like all night. I have a tired girl today, very grumpy but still at nap times she won’t sleep in her cot! We are determined to keep to the times but tell me it will get better? I feel crushed I am putting our little one through this, but think long term it will be for the best..?!!
Hi There,
he was tired during the day the first week or so because I wouldn’t allow him to sleep more than 2,5 hours all day. But now he’s gotten used to the new rythm. During the past week he’s slept from 8 pm till around 6.30 am when I wake him up!
Just wanted to say that for us things are much better now. I found out our son (7 months) only needs about 12-13 hours of sleep day and night! So after I’ve cut back on his day time sleep things have improved a lot. He stopped staying awake for 2-3 hours a night
So I’m sure that the Ferber method works! It worked on both my children. It’ll take some time and it’s tough to listen to your baby crying. But after a couple of days/nights things get better! And it’s really worth the trouble.
@Kate, I hope this will help you get through the tough days and reassure you, you’re doing the right thing for both you and your daughter!
Hi Noob Mommy,
Love your blogs, i have found them so helpful. My own 3 babies are 18, 15 & 15. At 37 i am now rasing my adopted granddaughter who is 11 months old. She has been with me since 2.5 months, my own never had any problems sleeping once they slept through the night. But my grandbug does, from 4 to 6 months she slept all night and then just stopped to waking 1-3xs a night. I rock her with a bottle to put her to sleep & if i put her to bed awake as long as i sit in her rm she will go to sleep. There are a few nights during the week she will wake in the night and be WIDE awake & i put her in bed with me or i have to sit in her rm for 3 hours. I want to try the CIO method but i feel so bad. I know she is fine and only crys because i leave her rm. She doesn’t like to nap either if she sleeps for more then 45mins its a miracle she takes 2 naps a day. Bed by 8-8:30 awake by 6-7. 2xs a month she will sleep all night. Please help any advice i would love.
Hi Noob Mommy,
even though she doesn’t like sleep she is a wonderful wonderful little girl. She is on a great schedule which works out great for me & her. I just need sleep nice uninterrupted sleep. So please please any advice i would love
Love your blogs, i have found them so helpful. My own 3 babies are 18, 15 & 15. At 37 i am now rasing my adopted granddaughter who is 11 months old. She has been with me since 2.5 months, my own never had any problems sleeping once they slept through the night. But my grandbug does, from 4 to 6 months she slept all night and then just stopped to waking 1-3xs a night. I rock her with a bottle to put her to sleep & if i put her to bed awake as long as i sit in her rm she will go to sleep. There are a few nights during the week she will wake in the night and be WIDE awake & i put her in bed with me or i have to sit in her rm for 3 hours. I want to try the CIO method but i feel so bad. I know she is fine and only crys because i leave her rm. She doesn’t like to nap either if she sleeps for more then 45mins its a miracle she takes 2 naps a day. Bed by 8-8:30 awake by 6-7. 2xs a month she will sleep all night. Please help any advice i would love. My youngest are identical twins & i found them easier then my grandbug
Hi I just wanted to say that after 5 days of sleep training things are so much better for us! She’s sleeping in her cot after only a few minutes of crying and waking only once during the night, but goes back on her own after half an hour.. Yippee! We have evenings back and can eat dinner without screams!.. Naps during the day are still a problem, she is tired out but I cannot get her to stay in her cot and sleep at all.. The crying at this time is worse! Noob mummy, what is your advice for this? ..as I’m sure she needs her naps?
Kate in Italy – How old is your LO? YOu mentioned she won’t stay in her cot. So is she capable of leaving during naps? If so, that is much trickier. I’m glad to hear that the sleep training has helped with night time sleep though! My experience with naps (which is harder to train) is just be consistent. Continue the same sleep training techniques you use at bedtime up until 45 minutes. If she doesn’t fall asleep by then, end the nap and shoot for an earlier bedtime that evening?
hi, thank you for your post and comments. i’ve been reading through this and it is very helpful. i am planning to train our LO at 4 months. right now he is dependent on the paci for nightitme and naps. i want to completely take out the paci with sleep training using ferber method, however, i saw your comment that you still use it on your babies after sleep training? did you use paci when you were sleep training?
also, i want to sleep train nightime first then naps. if i give him the paci during naps and not nightitme during his nightime sleep training, do you think that will confuse him? he is currently napping really well with his paci. i don’t want to ruin that. his nighttime needs work, we have to wake up a few times to give the paci to put him back to sleep. he’s a such a good baby, i know he needs more sleep. please help, thank you.
Hi there, love this blog. I have a 6.5 month old lil boy who is so hard to put to sleep and won’t stay asleep. I’m planning on trying the Ferber method for getting him to sleep because my back just can’t take it anymore. (He’s 21 lbs!) My question is do I start Ferberizing at nap time first, or start it for bedtime first? I don’t want to mess it up considering how hard it’s going to be for me to get through it. Oy. Thanks so much. Love this blog.
Hi,
I really wished they had. I sleep (nap) trained him when I was on spring break two weeks ago and he naps much better now but he’s still waking up like crazy at night. I’m just too scared to sleep train alone as my husband works nights and my baby’s got quite a set of lungs. :/
We started with naps first and the skills did not transfer to his nighttime wakings.
Hello. Love your blog! I used the Ferber method on my BF almost 5 month old 3 nights ago (last night was our thrid night). He is super easy to put to bed, and the first night only took 5 minutes of crying to fall asleep completelly on his own. Unfourtunatly, though he was up every few hours that first night (he is totally associating boob with sleep!). I followed the method till 7:30 in the morning, at which time he was awake for the day. The next night he slept 8:30-5:30! which was awesome. At 5:30 i fed him and he fell right back to sleep till 7:30. Last night (3rd night), he went down in less than 1 minute of fussing, but he was up at 1:30 and fussed for 45 min till he finally fell asleep. He woke at 6:15 at which point i fed him, and he slept till 7:30. My question is, what should i do with these early morning feedings? Should i get him up for the day and feed then, making sure he does not go back to sleep? Or should i let him fuss till 7:30? I hate to get him up earlier than his natural wake up but i also dont want to confuse him. Also, for his early morning feed i woke him up before putting him back in the crib so he falls asleep on his own. He’s in the 15th weight % so i want to make sure he eats when need be but i also need sleep big time! i feel like he defianatly can sleep long periods (like his second night) so i want to do things right tonight. thank you!!
Tired Mama – Congrats on implementing Ferber and I’m so happy to hear that you’ve had positive results! I believe the sort of flip flop between some nights being harder and having more crying for the first week is very normal. Just as a little preface. During my sleep training experience, for the 11 days it took, some days were super easy and then it felt like there was a little regression… then back to being good again! So, just in case things get a little harder again, don’t question yourself and stay consistent with the technique. As for the waking up at 5:30 am… that is difficult. I believe that I would let her fuss for awhile and see if she seemed tired still. If it really became too drawn out, then we would just get up and start the day. I know it’s not fun to start the day that early, but as your little one gets older, his wake up time will gate a little later as well! I think you’re going to have to go with your gut and determine if he’s ready to get up or if he does need a little extra sleep. I’d say that anything past 7:30 is pretty late for a baby, and it starts to cut into that first nap time (which is often their longest). Good luck to you! I hope Ferber’s method helps you as it did for us!
Hi there! I came across your blog last night in my first attempt to Ferberize my 20 month old. Yes thats right. It has been 20 months of no sleep and we have tried everything and this was my last resort. He actually goes to sleep just fine but after 3 hours he is up and crying. I usually just go back in and lay him down but he will just be up again at midnight, 2am and then 5 am for the day. Ya, not happening for the rest of us. Reading some of your posts helped me as he was screaming for 15 min. at a time. He is a tough little bugger. I am just hoping it is better tonight. After starting the process at 10pm, he was on and off all night until 2am!!!! Cry for 10-15 min. and then sleep from 8-10 min. I was going to loose my mind. Then he finally just fell asleep from 2-6. I did go in twice to reassure him that we love him and we are all sleeping. I made sure just to talk to him without touching him and he would lay back down, at least for a couple of minutes. I am exhausted but if a week of this will lead to him sleeping through the night then i will take it. I can’t handle much more.
Question for you. Was wondering if you could help. I saw your blog/site at the beginning of March and implemented the Ferber Method for our 9 month old. After 3 nights, it worked like a charm and he was sleeping through the night……until about a week ago. True, he is teething right now, something to consider?
He has started to wake around 3. Since we made it to night 3/4 and he started sleeping through the night, I let him cry it out for 10 minutes before going in to reassure him. It works, and he goes back to sleep. He then will wake up at 4, 5, and 6.
Previously when making it the whole night, he would wake between 5-6 ready to nurse and start his day, which we did.
Why the change? What should I try?
Ok so my LO is only six weeks old at this point, so I know that I can’t start ferbering him yet. But are there any tips to help him sleep longer at night? He is consistently up 3-4 times at night, and sometimes will stay up for up to 3 hours. The entire household is completely sleep deprived, and at wit’s end.
Hi,
My LO is just shy of 4 months and she has been rocked or nursed to sleep her entire short life but she slept in good stretches at night until recently. I am not sure if it is the 4 month sleep regression but I am really tired now of the rocking but more importantly, she needs good solid rest so I want to Ferberize her in a few weeks when I can clear my schedule of social commitments and she is 4 months+. She is very healthy at 13.5 lbs currently so I think she can sleep through the night that is 6 hours or so. I had a few questions.
Do I not change any diapers at night- usually only wet diapers – during and after sleep training?
There is mobile on her crib which she spends about an hour each morning enjoying, should I remove this?
Some people say I should wait until after teething to sleep train – what are your thoughts? I think she is going to be teething soon because she shoves her fists in her mouth all day.
BTW, I wish I found your blog sooner!! I love it!!!!!!!
Hi, Helen. I can’t offer an opinion on your other questions, but as far as teething goes, I wouldn’t put off sleep training for that reason. I can only base this opinion on my own experience, but at four months we thought my daughter would start teething any minute. She was drooling and chewing on things, but she didn’t actually get her first tooth until she was 9 months old! She is now 23 months old and just got her last tooth (with the exception of the 2 yr molars). Teething can be really unpredictable. She might go months without getting any teeth and then get four all at one time, so if you want to wait until after teething, you could be waiting a long time. We Ferberized at about 7 months. Yes, during times when she was teething her sleep was thrown off, but I still think it was to our advantage to sleep train before teething. First, because she rarely woke up at night after Ferberizing, on the rare occasion that she did wake up, we knew there was probably something wrong. We knew she wasn’t just waking up for soothing anymore, so we could conclude that she must be uncomfortable in some way. We could address the problem (in the case of teething we used infant’s ibuprofen) and go back to sleep. Then, when she was done teething for a while, she’d easily go back into her regular sleep pattern. Hope this helps!
Thank you for your reply!!! It’s sooo helpful. If I can ask you one more question… am I suppose to feed my daughter if she wakes up in the night since she is still only 4months OR let her go 6-8 hours before feeding her? If I do feed her, do I just put her down awake after? THANK U!!!
Hi there.
Love love all these comments, and they are very helpful. I’m in desperate need of help. I have a 3yr old. (Y) and a 16 month old. (D) Y has always been fantastic and slept though from 5 weeks old. My D has never never slep though. Very very keen to try CIO, but if I leave D to CIO she wakes Y. D wakes at 10pm, 2am and again at about 5/6am. I never have to pick her up, and sometimes I can get her to go back off for a bit, but will wake again in a few minutes late. So I’ve started giving her a bottle. She drinks a full 210ml at 10pm, again at 2am, and again at 5/6am. I have tried water, and not interested. Then I tried the CIO and It wakes Y. I now have Y in my bed, and still have D waking. So is there anyway you can help me. Should I do CIO with both girls, and should D be having a bottle so many bottles?. Please note. The girls share a room, and don’t have enough rooms to put them in their own rooms. A big part of me feels I can do CIO if they were in separate rooms.
Hi Noob Mommy,
My LO is almost 8 months old and at this time she is sleeping with us, however she wakes up every 2 to 3 hours for feeding and falls back to sleep. She has skin allergies and at times being itchy seems to be the reason why she wakes up, she usually stops itching after I applied her special lotion and falls sleep after I picked her up and nurse her.
I am planning to return to work soon and decided to start the Ferber Method after hearing from a friend that has been doing it with great results.
We only have a one bedroom apartment so her crib is next to our bed, she is very clingy to me and my question is what to do when she wakes up in the middle of the night and starts crying for me, she will see that I am right there and would wonder why I am not picking her up.
I am going to start tonight and hope that all goes well…wish me luck and thanks in advance for your time and also for this great blog
Hello- I have been putting sleep training off for months now. My baby is 6 1/2 months old and became a horrible sleeper around 4 months old. He goes to bed easily; sometimes he’s fully awake, sometimes he’s just had a bottle, but he always babbles for a few minutes and then just zonks out. Our problems are his night time wakings. He will wake up at 2:30 am, and the only thing that will pacify him is a bottle (even tho most of the time he won’t drink anything). Then, he will wake up at 5-6 and nothing will help him go back to sleep, although his normal wake up time is 7. He’s a monster between his 5-6 wake up time and his first nap usually lasts around 1.5 hours. He has slept through the night over 10 times, from 8-7, so I know he’s capable of doing it. My question is this: Do I tackle both wake up times at the same time or do I master one (get rid of the 2:30) and then focus on the other one (5 o’clock) later? Help! Thanks!
We are also doing CIO. Question about the nap … Once they’ve gone 30 minutes and I have to stop the nap, when should I try a nap again? Surely I wouldn’t wait until the afternoon nap. Should I wait 30 more minutes and try a nap again? Or watch for signs of tiredness and then try a nap?
Thank you for your wonderful website! I am so thankful for the information you have provided! I have second guessed myself many times in the past months when I’ve attempted CIO. Now that I’ve found your website and read this post, I have the the strength to do CIO and stick to it!
Your words of wisdom have been wonderful. We tried the ferber method and after one night she went down without crying and stayed asleep all night, for the past two nights. I have two questions:
1. The first night I had to wake her at 715,the second she woke at 6am, today she woke at 530….how can I help this stay later?
2: I am trying it with naps today and right now she is screaming bloody murder. Is there any suggestions of how often or when a good time for naps would be. She was pretty tired today at 645 I put her down. On a usual day she naps at 830ish, and 2ish.
….I lied I have one more question…if she doesn’t cry for 2 nights, and then cries on say the 4th night, should I start back at the 3, 5, 10 10 etc wait times? Or should I go to the day 4 wait times? For the nap this morning I did the day 2 wait times(5, 10, 12, 12) but you said end the nap at 30 minutes so I am on the 3rd checking wait period right now..
So glad I found you. My 5.5 month old had been sleeping through the night for a good 2 weeks (swaddled) when one night he decided he HATED being swaddled and everything fell apart after that. I do nurse him to sleep before bed and he used to sleep through, but for the last 4 nights he’s been up every 1.5-2 hours and the only way to soothe him back to sleep is to feed him (more for comfort than food obviously). My question is after I nurse him for the last time at night do I wake him up to be able to lay him down awake? Seems counter productive, but I’ll do it! My 5 year old twins were great sleepers, bottle fed, and we always laid them down awake and they learned to put themselves to sleep. This baby, I think because he is nursed, got used to being nursed to sleep…and something’s got to give. I’m planning on stopping the swaddling all together too, since he hates it now, and it’s getting to that age also, and summer here soon. Thanks for your advice.
When we first started the method, we were in pretty much the same situation, but she was only 4 months old. We made all the changes at once and it really worked quickly. We got her into a 4-hour EASY routine. We took away her swaddle, and I nursed her a little earlier, not in her nursery, and then did a bedtime routine after she nursed, to get her into a sleepy-time habit. We do a bath every night, then goodnights with dad around the house, then a book with mom, say a little prayer, lights out, a hug and a kiss and into the crib. Bug is an awesome sleeper now at 11 months.
Any recommendations on how this would work with multiples. I have triplets and fear that one crying will wake up another!
So I’m completely lost…on just about everything concerning my 4.5 month old. There are so so so so many differing opinions on every single topic that concerns babies and I just don’t know where to go. My booger was a great night sleeper from the beginning, then about a month ago she did a 180…great during the day, ok to awful at night! She has been a paci lover and advocate since day 1 of her precious little life and we are struggling with what to do about it. I was a paci baby until about age 3 I think and I don’t mind the paci at all (especially during nap time), but I’m beginning to wonder if her sleep troubles (frequent wakings at night) are because of the paci now. So do we ditch the paci cold turkey and try Ferber (sigh), or do we just keep going in and putting in the paci until she learns how to put it in herself. I’m at my breaking point and willing to try anything I just don’t know what that anything will be. I read almost every comment posted on your blog and am just so confused. Can she use the paci and Ferber train? How do I get her to stay awake (without being totally cranky) for longer than 1.5? I have a million more questions, but can’t think of them due to the lack of sleep. Someone, anyone…please help!
hi, i trained my baby at 4 months. my goal was to get rid of his paci and we just did it cold turkey for night and naps. it worked! the whole point of sleep training is to get rid of bad sleep associations like the paci. you’ll be surpise how fast they learn. it took about 3 days for major progress and 2 weeks for it to stick. hope that helps!
by not giving it to him, letting him cry it out if he wakes up in the middle of the night. i put him to bed awake and he would cry about 3-15 mins each night for the first week. bedtime was easy, it was the night waking that was hard. he would cry about 30 mins to 1.5 hour long in the middle of the night but i didn’t go in. btw, i tried doing ferber the first night but noticed that he was taking longer to settle so i went for extinct CIO which is not checking in on him at all. i watched him through my monitor but i did not go in. it’s been 6 weeks since training and he’s still doing good, no crying for more than 1-2 mins. he just wakes up whining then goes back to sleep if he does wake up.
for naps, it was the same way. you have to keep it consistent by not giving her the paci.