After venturing to all ends of the earth… from the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro to the snaking mouth of the Amazon; from the worn steps of the Great Wall of China to the barren sands of the Outback… I have concluded that all Noob Parents truly want to know one thing, and one thing only…

*drumroll*

How do I get my baby to sleep through the night? Friggin damnit!!!

Well, Grasshopper, you have come to the right place. I plan to share what I’ve read from Dr. Richard Ferber, the infamously notorious Cry-It-Out creator, who no longer wishes to be known as the CIO guy. He’s kinda like TAFKACIOG (the artist formerly known as cry it out guy).

Although, I plan to share from his book Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, I have to preface by saying that Noob Baby doesn’t sleep through the night yet, and I haven’t tried Ferber yet. Honestly, I have the most ambitious intentions and I’ve done my homework, but…. to put it bluntly, I don’t have the cajones to face Noob Baby’s wrath.

So, this information is for those of you who are curious, planning but procrastinating, or are going to Ferberize immediately… for which you should take a shot of the hardest liquor in your Granddaddy’s cabinet and be awarded the Purple Heart.

How to tell whether your child has a sleep problem?
Babies that are not able to soothe themselves and fall asleep or back to sleep on their own. If you are rocking, nursing, swinging, or holding your baby till she’s asleep, then this may be for you. Or, if your baby wakes constantly throughout the night.

When can I start to Ferberize he-who-shall-not-sleep-through-the-night?
TAFKACIOG states that at 3-4 months, most full-term infants should be “settling” in, and you may consider preparing for his Progressive-Waiting Approach (known on the streets as Cry It Out). By 5-6 months, you should probably be taking definite steps to address your baby’s sleep problem.

Keep in mind that sleeping through the night depends on when your baby goes to bed and how old she is. For example, by 5-6 months, babies can go at least 10 hours without a middle of the night feed, if the baby is at a healthy weight (or without special needs).

Sign me up! Hoes does it work?
First, take a couple shots of some hard liquor (as mentioned above). Spam your neighbors with lengthy letters of apology (include bribe money). Purchase NRA-approved ear muffs for yourself and possibly your neighbors. Then crumple up into a ball in fetal position holding onto that bottle of liquor and cry like your baby.

Aha! Gotcha…. oh ho… I’m just messin with ya. *Nervous laugh*

According to Ferbs, it shouldn’t be a painful process. So here we go (pg 74-76 from his book):

1. Pick a starting bedtime no earlier than the time your child falls asleep, even if that’s later than his usual bedtime. Moving this start time later will help him fall asleep more quickly, but don’t move back his wake up time.

2. Put your child into the crib or bed awake, in the place you want him to be sleeping. No rocking, swinging, etc. He should fall asleep under the same circumstances that he will wake normally during the night.

3. When he cries or calls for you at bedtime or upon waking up at night, check him briefly at increasing intervals (see chart below for guidelines, but you can adjust the minutes to your own comfort level). Do not spend more than one or two minutes with him when you do check in. Your job is to reassure him, not to help him stop crying or fall asleep. You may replace a fallen blanket or toy, but only once.

Number of Minutes to Wait Before Responding To Your Child

Day 1 – 3 min (1st wait); 5 min (2nd wait); 10 min (3rd wait); 10 min (subsequent waits)

Day 2 – 5 min; 10 min; 12 min; 12 min (subsequent waits)

Day 3 – 10 min; 12 min; 15 min; 15 min (subsequent waits)

Day 4 – 12 min; 15 min; 17 min; 17 min (subsequent waits)

Day 5 – 15 min; 17 min; 20 min; 20 min (subsequent waits)

Day 6 – 17 min; 20 min; 25 min; 25 min (subsequent waits)

Day 7 – 20 min; 25 min; 30 min; 30 min (subsequent waits)

4. When you reach the maximum number of minutes to wait for a night, continue to leave the room for the same interval – no longer – until your child falls asleep while you are out of the room.

5. I grant you permission at this point to curl into fetal position and curse like a dirty sailor.

6. Dr. Ferber says that by the 3rd or 4th day, your child “will most likely be sleeping very well. If further work is necessary, continue following the chart down to day 7.” If there is still improvement after that, continue by adding a minute to each interval on successive days. *If things are not improving or are getting worse, you may have to rethink your approach.* He discusses alternatives in another section.

7. If your child wakes during the night, restart the schedule with the minimum waiting time and work up to the max.

8. Continue this routine after each waking until a time in the morning (usually 5 or 6 am) after which it is unlikely your child will fall back asleep. Do not let him go right back to sleep in another room. If he’s still asleep at his usual waking time in the morning, wake him up.

9. Use the same waiting schedule for naps, but if your child hasn’t fallen asleep after half an hour, or if he is awake again and calling or crying vigorously, end the nap. He may fall asleep on his own in another room, which is fine, at least initially, as long as he does it by himself without the associations you are trying to break. However, don’t let the amount of napping time increase to make up for the sleep he lost at night. Also, don’t let naps run so late (past 4 pm) that they will interfere with falling asleep at night.

10. Follow your schedule carefully, and chart your child’s sleep patterns.

This was just an excerpt from the chapter. If you have an older child who sleeps in a bed, or if your baby sleeps with you, refer to the book for more detailed solutions.

Hope this helps answer some questions. Post a comment if you need more info from the book, and I’ll try my best!