Once upon a time…

In a much more peaceful galaxy…

(Before there were diapers, sleep training, and teething…)

Noob Mommy was a teacher ninja.

The kind of ninja that happened to be feared *yet grossly adored* by thirty 4th and 5th graders.

Two grade levels.

Two curriculum.

4 busy years.

Definitely not enough coffee.

She was a weary ninja who longed for …  motherhood?

Well, before any of that “bizness” could be had, there was much research that needed to be done for the adventure that lay ahead. So like any good Type-A-ninja-slash-teacher, Noob Mommy trained. For days she holed herself up in a frosty mountain cave lit only by the dim glow of a flickering candle. She read birthing, parenting, and breastfeeding books supplemented with hospital courses and much much Googling. It is rumored that Noob Mommy fasted for hours in preparation for the rigors of parenting. From sunrise to sunset, she honed her agility, stamina, and cat like reflexes.

But, good reader, as you may well have guessed, no training was enough to prepare Noob Mommy for the realities of being a noob parent SUCKER.

So with the most noble intentions, Noob Mommy created this blog to recount the heroic tales, warn the sleep-deprived parents, and simply to document all the daily hijinks.

STAY AWHILE … and you might find some sensible advice.

SUBSCRIBE … and you’ll have a 53% chance of chuckling.

But just a warning, you have now entered Noob Territory.

1 part giggly

1 part dough

2 parts nonstop go-bot

Capable of draining energy from nearby life sources

Incapable of refusing milk

Obsessed with dogs

In cahoots with 1 cat

Knows how to put a ninja in his/her place

Any questions?