Since I’m not one to deny my fabulous blog readers… here I am folks! Fresh off the plane from Tennessee after a weekend of debauchery (aka a good-old Southern wedding in the Smoky Mountains). Congrats to my bro-in-law and beautiful new bride!

Let me just say that this Asian mama who:

1) is allergic to alcohol (as proven by the several occasions in which I’ve blacked out after consuming enough drinks to be counted on 3 fingers)

2) proudly enjoys a senior citizen’s fashionably early bedtime

was whole-heartedly impressed with the way white folk can seriously put it down. Man, whities don’t mess around… and especially not in the south. BRAVO! May the keg live on. You will find this Asian noob proudly nursing her 1 Heine till the sun comes up (aka midnight).

And for the record, it is a “not-so-much” type of experience when you are always the sole sober person at any party (for said alcohol allergy). Examples:

Beer goggles: That nappy long-haired guy that looks like Kenny G is sooooooo cute, right right or am I right?
Me: Not so much.

Beer goggles: OMGGGG! So many hot guys here. *hiccup* Best bar I’ve ever been to in my *hiccup* WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!!!
Me: Not so much.

Beer: You are going to drive the rest of these sexy ladies back up the mountain of death (aka Smoky Mountains) since you are the only one that is not drunkety drunk.
Me (deathly afraid of mountaineous tundra in totally foreign state): Not so much.

Drunkety drunk sexy ladies: There’s a graveyard next to this here cabin! *hiccup* We’re so going to die on that bridge!! Hey is that a bear?!
Me: … (whispering the Lord’s Prayer in my head with scenes from The Blair Witch Project dancing in my head)

The debauchery and wedding was definitely good times, but only to be topped off with an even better farewell from Knoxville. A sort of Coup De Grace if you will.

As if to give me a little pat on the toosh on my way out of the South…. I got patted down at the airport. Yes, separated from the pack and sent to the special area where I almost made it to third base with the security guard.

Hey, it may or may not have been racial profiling *INSERT HEAVY HEAVY SARCASM HERE* Who knows, right? *WINK WINK*

But it does make for a juicy blog post. All in a day’s work.