I’ve been pulling my hair out lately trying to figure out what in the world to feed the Noob. I know this sounds silly, but I’ve “heard” through the “grapevine” that some of our friends’ babies have already started eating real adult table food.

And don’t even get me started on the transition from the bottle to cup. I think Noob will be drinking Chardonnay out of her bottle 20 years from now.

So why does the feeding thing make me jealous nervous?? I never had crawl-envy or walk-envy. But food-envy… guilty as charged.

Each day is like a new taste-test experiment. Here are some of my findings:

Green beans: Fail
Carrots: Fail
Bananas: Win
Chicken: Fail-Win
Cheerios: MEGA LOTTO WINNER
Cheese: Fail
Toast: Win-Fail
Peas: Fail-Win
Nachos: Win

I’d say about 98.999% of what the Noob actually eats ends up in her mouth. Which leaves me to wonder, is she going to shrivel up like a mini Calista Flockhart? Because trust me, a big bobblehead on those chicken legs is definitely going to look creepy.

Oh, but don’t worry about ME dear readers. I’m certainly gaining a healthy grossly exorbitant amount of weight eating up all her leftovers. And mind you… whole milk cheese, yogurts, etc. is the *perfect* diet for squeezing into my pre-pregnancy bikini AND “slightly snug” bridesmaid dress I’m supposed to wear in 3 weeks. *insert snorting snicker sound*

Ok, so if any of you are also worried about how much your TODDLER should be eating (after calculating the amount that ends up on the floor), I found this visual chart in Fields and Brown’s Toddler 411 book to be reassuring.

• 1 serving of meat = 4 marbles
• 1 serving of chopped fruits/veggies = 3 dominoes
• 1 serving of cooked pasta/rice = a ping pong ball
• 1 serving of cheese = 2 dice
• 1 serving of juice = a shot glass

Now I don’t feel like the Noob is starving. She’s just fasting.

**UPDATE**

Although not specifically stated in the book, the serving guide is for each meal, with a toddler eating 3 meals a day and 2 snack times in between. Since there is no official food pyramid from the government for children under the age of 2, the authors offer the above examples as a basic comparison. Visit MyPyramid.gov if you’d like to see adult serving recommendations or see a Food Pyramid for Preschoolers (2-5 yrs).