Today was one of those Awesome-Not-Awesome days. I’m so bleery-eyed, sleep-deprived and cranky from this thing called “Motherhood Part Deux” that I can barely muster the energy to login and write this post. But…. I couldn’t resist sharing this tidbit from my day with you all … y’all (cuz this is going to be a classy post).

So… let me start with the Not Awesome. My days pretty much consist of fuss-jumping back and forth until the two fusses tap out at around 9 pm. Fuss-jumping? What the heck is that? I coined that term today to describe the process of jumping from one fussy child back to the other. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Tie Noose. Load shotgun-

It wasn’t a pretty day for Noob Baby. First she chucked Cheetah at me (her favorite toy-slash-sidekick). She slammed a door at me (yes, door slamming is directional … right, ladies?). At one part of the day, there was a really accusatory finger pointed at me. All I know is that after one mega timeout and a threat of donating all her toys and worldly belongings, we finally sat down and signed our peace treaty. It went something like this:

Me: Are you ready to be a kind, respectful girl now?

NB: Yes, Mommy.

Me: And do you promise to not throw things at Mommy and slam doors or be disrespectful?

NB: Yes, Mommy. Never. Ever. (I love how kids that age think “never ever” is plausible.)

Me: Ok, let’s pinky-swear.

(We consummated the promise with the sacred pinky-swear ceremony … oh yeah, thumbs and all.)

Me: So, you understand what we talked about?


Me: ????????! (Cue deer-in-headlights look. Jaw hits the floor. Head is spinning a la Exorcist.)

NB: That’s what my teacher says to us at circle time.

Me: …..

  1. Why the hell didn’t I ever talk to my students like that? Oh wait, cuz I’m not that cool.
  2. See #1
  3. Is it legal to talk to 4 year olds like that??
  4. Freakin awesome.
  5. Is the teacher doing the wink-smoochy-mouth-chin-raise thing as she says, “Capice?”
  6. Can I pleasssse be there the next time twenty 4-year-olds respond in perfect harmony … CAPEESH!

Here I am doing stupid pinky-swears with NB, telling her how it’s the “real deal” since we sealed our promise and used our THUMBS FOR CHRISSAKE!!! What a tard I am. I should have just been speaking to her in FREAKIN ITALIAN!!! Except that Mommy’s not that cool and can’t speak  a drop of Italian. In fact, I had to Google the word capeesh to find out its proper spelling – capisce.

But that’s ok. Because NB now has a summer school teacher who is so boss that she is teaching NB how to be like a boss. Nevermind getting her to write her lowercase letters. Screw all that. Just keep teaching her to speak (what I believe to be) mobster Italian. Or maybe it’s just regular Italian and I’m offending a whole race of people right now. In which case, mi scuso.

Either way, I’m going to go plant a big juicy kiss right on her teacher’s mug for making my firstborn so boss. Because … it’s what Italians do. Stereotypes upon stereotypes.

So that was the AWESOME part of my day. Now ya’ll can see why I had to post this story asap. CAPISCE?



  1. 4

    Too funny! I love it!

  2. 5
    OhCaptain says:


  3. 6

    I was rather entertained one day when my 2 year old looked me dead in the eyes and said, “You hear me mommy?  You hear what I’m telling you?”  She was even giving me “the look” when she said it.  All I could say was, “Oh I hear you baby.  I hear you loud and clear.”  Then I called her father after she was out of ear shot and laughed a lot.

  4. 8
    Wolfpup says:

    That was a great story!  A part of me can’t wait til my LO (3.5 mth) gets to be 2, 3, 4 years old…and the other, wiser part of me is scared sh*tless!  Funny enough, it was visions of my sweet little angel standing in her crib throwing a toy at the door closing behind me, that got me through the most difficult times of sleep training. 😀
    My hat’s off to you for handling the whole day as well as you did…especially being so sleep deprived!  I am still new enough to mommy-hood that I am not even considering a 2nd baby…I have to fight with myself NOT to get rid of stuff [that she is outgrowing] – like that will somehow prevent baby #2.  Hang in there Noob Mommy, the sun always comes out after a rain storm!

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