Red Alert – Baby Sleeping on Tummy!

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Just when I thought the coast was clear, and I could finally stop neurotically pressing my baby monitor button every 2 minutes…Noob Baby threw down her Miss Unpredictable card again. Similar to many babies, she is not the biggest fan of tummy time. Essentially, it pisses her off to the core. Most of the time, she ends up on her tummy by accident…and she hasn’t quite learned to get herself back on her back. So she’ll be laying there splat on her face like she ate too much pie and just passed out. Of course, I freak out with all my SIDS bells-and-whistles sounding at full alert.

Well, she’s started to do this now while she’s sleeping at night, and of course I am back to checking the monitor incessantly. The first few times, noob hubby and I would rush in and flip pancake over. As a noob parent, there are 4 letters that scroll through your brain like a CNN ticker:
S-I-D-S! Anyway, Noob Baby didn’t approve of us flipping her. Instead, she would protest by just flipping herself back again, face flat in the mattress and probably with a look of defiance underneath there.
So, I called Doc, and she has assured me that there is nothing I can do. If baby has learned to flip over, you gotta just let her be. And of course, make sure noob baby’s crib resembles an Alcatraz prison cell—-cold and barren. Take out snuggly blankets and toys. Well, I did for the most part. I’ve left a few stuffed animals wedged in the back corners where she doesn’t usually migrate to. Moral of the story: Don’t set your baby down on her tummy to sleep, but once she’s able to flip onto her tummy by herself, it’s out of your control.
As a side note, crib bumpers should just be sold from the back of sketchy vans with blacked-out windows. Can’t you just picture a nervous new mother getting blindfolded and taken down to the basement of an abandoned building where she is greeted by masked men. These men are known as SIDS dealers, and they come highly trained from China and remote parts of Russia. There they unveil a steel briefcase, the contents of which are highly illegal government contraband. Nervous noob mom rubs her clammy hands together as SIDS dealer unlocks the steel briefcase. He glances over his shoulder twice and signals to the other dealer to stand watch by the dilapidated door. At last, he reveals the contents of the unmarked briefcase – pastel pink crib bumper with patches of grey elephants, plush buttercream giraffe embroidered with hearts, and a rare handmade quilt stitched by a Jewish grandmother. With a satisfied smile reminiscent of the good-old-days, noob mommy exchanges three large bills for the steel briefcase. Dealer nods and a quick look of sympathy passes across his face briefly. Then the two men disappear as swiftly as they came.

Comments

  1. 8

    You are hilarious. I love the way you write. It is keeping me entertained as I am sitting here listening to my little one cry due to sleep training (on day 2). Thank you. If I wasn’t reading your blog, I would definitely be curled up in the fetal position right now…..

  2. 9

    My 2 month old will only sleep on tummy or side. If placed on back to sleep just won’t sleep. She does have reflux but on gaviscon. When out in pram or car seat just crystal the whole time. Any suggestions please.

    • 10

      Elaine – Does the ped have any good suggestions? Has the medication helped the reflux? Honestly, NB slept in her bouncy seat and swing for several months and around 4-5 months we finally moved her into the crib. If she’s much happier in a more upright position, you may want to consider letting her sleep in a safe, bouncy type seat until her reflux passes. We had a Rock-n-Play sleeper from Fisher Price with NB2.0 which is a more upright sleeping bouncy seat thingamijig, and she loved it! Also, I have read about putting something underneath the crib mattress to slightly elevate the mattress. Definitely read up on this and safety to make sure you’re doing it properly and not causing any hazards. Good luck!

  3. 11

    i am so enjoying reading about so much variety in things to do for babies since becoming a new mom 7 weeks ago! i think i will be dreading the day that he will flip himself to his back and not go back to sleep….he doesn’t like sleeping on his back and is sleeping 10-12 hours a night already on his stomach. he sleeps sooo much better that way.

  4. 12

    Thanks for the laugh. I’ve just stumbled upon your blog whilst searching for sleep training posts and I am quickly devouring every entry. Your daughter was WAY cute in that picture!

  5. 13
    AK Mommy says:

    I am so glad I am not the only parent out there that this is happening to. I know your little one is older now… but I am finding all your posts to be SO HELPFUL… so for that, I thank you! 

  6. 14

    Agree wholeheartedly with the previous poster! That has to be one of the cutest baby photos I have ever seen! (apart from pics of my own little one of course! ;-) ). She is totally adorable.

    Had to laugh at this post. Was flipping our little madam over every few minutes as she slept, often waking her up and making her very angry. How can they sleep with their faces pressed into the mattress??

  7. 15

    omg your baby is TOO cute!

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